Last week my Aunt passed away. She was my Dad's sister. My Dad passed away about one-and-a-half years ago. Every time someone passes away I get thinking about death.
I've always thought that the way I would die was by spontaneous human combustion. But lately I felt that I might go by way of a heart attack. Then I started thinking maye the spontaneous combustion will trigger a heart attack and it will be up to the coroner to figure out which event actually killed me.
I remember when my Mother passed away. I was drinking a lot during that time and doing a lot of drugs. I started having panic attacks all the time. Years earlier I had suffered from anxiety and had learned how to control it. After my Mom died none of those things seemed to work, the anxiety just got worse and worse. I even went to a therapist to help me with it. It finally died off (no pun intended). One thing I remember going through after my Mom passed away was not wanting to get close to anyone or anything because I had a "why bother they'll just die" feeling. It took a long time to get rid of that. A couple years later I sobered up but I still have to deal with anxiety on a daily basis.
Following the death of my Father I went through a similar thing but because I was sober didn't realize it was happening. I had never suffered through depression, or that feeling I alluded to earlier in this blog, sober. It took almost a year to figure out what was happening to me. Luckily after realizing it I was able to get out of that rut.
Yeah - death sure is a weird thing. When I was in my teens and 20s, hell even 30s, I didn't think of death that often. But once you hit the big 40 and people around you start passing on it takes up a lot of head space. I remember when I wasn't working much I would sit at my fiance's place watching day time television. I would watch old shows that I grew up with and all that I could think of was whether this actor or that actor was still alive.
Lucky for me I don't have cable.
Dave the Dude
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Time Saving
In this fast-paced, texting, grammarless, ambivalent towards spelling society I have found an ever-growing need to save time. Here are just a few ways I have found to put more bang in the buck of my day.
In the morning a great way to save time is by brushing your teeth and peeing in the shower. I find brushing your teeth in the shower gets them more clean and takes about 30 seconds off the day. As for peeing in the shower. You can wash yourself and pee at the same time - those morning pees do take a long time. Plus you're saving water by not having to flush. Now if you have to do a number two your SOL (pun intended). Of course, if you train your body to only defecate every other day then that's an awesome time saver.
I find a lot of time is spent washing dishes. That's why I try never to use a plate or cutlery. By eating sandwhichs, hotdogs or anything that is encompassed by bread or a pita you can eat with your hands. A napkin or paper towel makes a fine plate and you can use it to wipe your mouth clean afterwards. That saves anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute.
Doing laundry is always a time eating duty. Just follow one simple rule: you don't have to wash your clothes, sheets, etc. until you smell them yourself. If you wear the same pants, underwear and socks for two to three days in a row no one is wiser. No one ever looks at those. A different shirt every day keeps people unaware that half your wardrope was warn yesterday. Don't stop there - don't throw that shirt in the wash. You can wear the same shirt every other or every three days and peope don't know it hasn't been washed. Quite the time saver.
Multitasking is a big time saver. Driving and eating breakfast on the way to work. Not wiping your ass but jumping in the shower immediatly after not only saves time but saves toilet paper and thus money as well. Time equals money my friends.
The only thing I haven't been able to save time doing is driving. Now in typical alcoholic thinking if everyone did as I said then things would go smoothly. Why when merging onto the highway do people have to drive all the way to the end of the merging line thus block traffic as they stop to find a way into the next lane? I always look for a spot to merge in before I reach the end. If drivers kept an eye on the walk/stop lights they would also be able to factor in when to speed up so they can make that green/amber light in time. Stop day dreaming and pay attention.
Just a few things that help me during my day so I have more time for the more important things in life like thinking of ideas for this blog.
Dave the Dude
In the morning a great way to save time is by brushing your teeth and peeing in the shower. I find brushing your teeth in the shower gets them more clean and takes about 30 seconds off the day. As for peeing in the shower. You can wash yourself and pee at the same time - those morning pees do take a long time. Plus you're saving water by not having to flush. Now if you have to do a number two your SOL (pun intended). Of course, if you train your body to only defecate every other day then that's an awesome time saver.
I find a lot of time is spent washing dishes. That's why I try never to use a plate or cutlery. By eating sandwhichs, hotdogs or anything that is encompassed by bread or a pita you can eat with your hands. A napkin or paper towel makes a fine plate and you can use it to wipe your mouth clean afterwards. That saves anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute.
Doing laundry is always a time eating duty. Just follow one simple rule: you don't have to wash your clothes, sheets, etc. until you smell them yourself. If you wear the same pants, underwear and socks for two to three days in a row no one is wiser. No one ever looks at those. A different shirt every day keeps people unaware that half your wardrope was warn yesterday. Don't stop there - don't throw that shirt in the wash. You can wear the same shirt every other or every three days and peope don't know it hasn't been washed. Quite the time saver.
Multitasking is a big time saver. Driving and eating breakfast on the way to work. Not wiping your ass but jumping in the shower immediatly after not only saves time but saves toilet paper and thus money as well. Time equals money my friends.
The only thing I haven't been able to save time doing is driving. Now in typical alcoholic thinking if everyone did as I said then things would go smoothly. Why when merging onto the highway do people have to drive all the way to the end of the merging line thus block traffic as they stop to find a way into the next lane? I always look for a spot to merge in before I reach the end. If drivers kept an eye on the walk/stop lights they would also be able to factor in when to speed up so they can make that green/amber light in time. Stop day dreaming and pay attention.
Just a few things that help me during my day so I have more time for the more important things in life like thinking of ideas for this blog.
Dave the Dude
Saving Time
In this fast-paced, texting, grammarless, ambivalent towards spelling society I have found an ever-growing need to save time. Here are just a few ways I have found to put more bang in the buck of my day.
In the morning a great way to save time is by brushing your teeth and peeing in the shower. I find brushing your teeth in the shower gets them more clean and takes about 30 seconds off the day. As for peeing in the shower. You can wash yourself and pee at the same time - those morning pees do take a long time. Plus you're saving water by not having to flush. Now if you have to do a number two your SOL (pun intended). Of course, if you train your body to only defecate every other day then that's an awesome time saver.
I find a lot of time is spent washing dishes. That's why I try never to use a plate or cutlery. By eating sandwhichs, hotdogs or anything that is encompassed by bread or a pita you can eat with your hands. A napkin or paper towel makes a fine plate and you can use it to wipe your mouth clean afterwards. That saves anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute.
Doing laundry is always a time eating duty. Just follow one simple rule: you don't have to wash your clothes, sheets, etc. until you smell them yourself. If you wear the same pants, underwear and socks for two to three days in a row no one is wiser. No one ever looks at those. A different shirt every day keeps people unaware that half your wardrope was warn yesterday. Don't stop there - don't throw that shirt in the wash. You can wear the same shirt every other or every three days and peope don't know it hasn't been washed. Quite the time saver.
Multitasking is a big time saver. Driving and eating breakfast on the way to work. Not wiping your ass but jumping in the shower immediatly after not only saves time but saves toilet paper and thus money as well. Time equals money my friends.
The only thing I haven't been able to save time doing is driving. Now in typical alcoholic thinking if everyone did as I said then things would go smoothly. Why when merging onto the highway do people have to drive all the way to the end of the merging line thus block traffic as they stop to find a way into the next lane? I always look for a spot to merge in before I reach the end. If drivers kept an eye on the walk/stop lights they would also be able to factor in when to speed up so they can make that green/amber light in time. Stop day dreaming and pay attention.
Just a few things that help me during my day so I have more time for the more important things in life like thinking of ideas for this blog.
Dave the Dude
In the morning a great way to save time is by brushing your teeth and peeing in the shower. I find brushing your teeth in the shower gets them more clean and takes about 30 seconds off the day. As for peeing in the shower. You can wash yourself and pee at the same time - those morning pees do take a long time. Plus you're saving water by not having to flush. Now if you have to do a number two your SOL (pun intended). Of course, if you train your body to only defecate every other day then that's an awesome time saver.
I find a lot of time is spent washing dishes. That's why I try never to use a plate or cutlery. By eating sandwhichs, hotdogs or anything that is encompassed by bread or a pita you can eat with your hands. A napkin or paper towel makes a fine plate and you can use it to wipe your mouth clean afterwards. That saves anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute.
Doing laundry is always a time eating duty. Just follow one simple rule: you don't have to wash your clothes, sheets, etc. until you smell them yourself. If you wear the same pants, underwear and socks for two to three days in a row no one is wiser. No one ever looks at those. A different shirt every day keeps people unaware that half your wardrope was warn yesterday. Don't stop there - don't throw that shirt in the wash. You can wear the same shirt every other or every three days and peope don't know it hasn't been washed. Quite the time saver.
Multitasking is a big time saver. Driving and eating breakfast on the way to work. Not wiping your ass but jumping in the shower immediatly after not only saves time but saves toilet paper and thus money as well. Time equals money my friends.
The only thing I haven't been able to save time doing is driving. Now in typical alcoholic thinking if everyone did as I said then things would go smoothly. Why when merging onto the highway do people have to drive all the way to the end of the merging line thus block traffic as they stop to find a way into the next lane? I always look for a spot to merge in before I reach the end. If drivers kept an eye on the walk/stop lights they would also be able to factor in when to speed up so they can make that green/amber light in time. Stop day dreaming and pay attention.
Just a few things that help me during my day so I have more time for the more important things in life like thinking of ideas for this blog.
Dave the Dude
Monday, February 28, 2011
Birthdays
I recently had my 43rd birthday. I had to work the day of but celebrated with my fiance a couple days before. It was pretty good. I haven't been much of birthday celebrator in years. Many of those years were spent in a drunken drug induced haze and I can't remember the celebrations anyway. Since sobering up I tend to keep things on an even keel. Try not to have really big highs or really big lows. I don't have mountains in my life but rather rolling hills.
It's funny, although I am 43 I still feel like I'm in my 20s. That's emotionally. However, physically, things are changing. I've got hair in all the spots you don't want it. Nose, ears, uno-brow - you name it. My hair also got lazy and sticks to my shoulders and back rather than my head. One thing I could do without is my chronic hemmorrhoid problem. This problem began in my late teens. When I was 17-years-old I travelled to Israel and become very ill due to the water. It did something nasty to my insides. Upon returning to Canada I began bleeding out of a place you don't want to bleed from. Somewhere where the sun don't shine. As I tend to do in life I tried to ignore the problem hoping it would fix itself. Then one day as my Mom was doing the wash she saw that my jeans were covered in blood. Well off to the rear admiral I went. I ended up having an operation to stop the bleeding. However, the rhoid problem remained. I must have been the only 19-year-old in university having to sit on a pillow after our toga party because I was in so much pain. In my 30s I ended up going to see another rear admiral. He worked out of the best named clinic of all time - The Upper Canada Lower Bowel Clinic. I asked him if he had T-shirts but, alas, this was not the case. I stopped attending my regular sessions at the clinic when my alcoholism went into full swing. Today I just do my best to deal with the problem. No more clinics for me - I know what alien abudctees feel like tenfold. No more probes for me.
This past weekend we had a birthday party for my fiance's 13-year-old son. I was driving some of this friends around. I couldn't believe how homophobic and racist these kids are. I thought this was the enlightened generation. No hate towards anyone. One kid proudly said, "I come from a long line of racists". I'm pretty sure he didn't come up with that line himself. As these kids said this stuff I bit my tongue. I know in my day if I said idiotic stuff in a car with an adult I would have been put in my place. But these days if you even look at a kid the wrong way there parents will sue your ass to make up for their guilt over their lack of parenting skills. Heck, in my day another parent could give you a good smack if you deserved it. Now this might be me getting old in my 43rd year but kids today get away with murder.
Finally - yo kid - pull up those damn pants. Stop walking so slow across the street. Don't ask me if you can bum a cigarette. Respect the authority. And once again - pull up those damn pants.
Dave the Dude
It's funny, although I am 43 I still feel like I'm in my 20s. That's emotionally. However, physically, things are changing. I've got hair in all the spots you don't want it. Nose, ears, uno-brow - you name it. My hair also got lazy and sticks to my shoulders and back rather than my head. One thing I could do without is my chronic hemmorrhoid problem. This problem began in my late teens. When I was 17-years-old I travelled to Israel and become very ill due to the water. It did something nasty to my insides. Upon returning to Canada I began bleeding out of a place you don't want to bleed from. Somewhere where the sun don't shine. As I tend to do in life I tried to ignore the problem hoping it would fix itself. Then one day as my Mom was doing the wash she saw that my jeans were covered in blood. Well off to the rear admiral I went. I ended up having an operation to stop the bleeding. However, the rhoid problem remained. I must have been the only 19-year-old in university having to sit on a pillow after our toga party because I was in so much pain. In my 30s I ended up going to see another rear admiral. He worked out of the best named clinic of all time - The Upper Canada Lower Bowel Clinic. I asked him if he had T-shirts but, alas, this was not the case. I stopped attending my regular sessions at the clinic when my alcoholism went into full swing. Today I just do my best to deal with the problem. No more clinics for me - I know what alien abudctees feel like tenfold. No more probes for me.
This past weekend we had a birthday party for my fiance's 13-year-old son. I was driving some of this friends around. I couldn't believe how homophobic and racist these kids are. I thought this was the enlightened generation. No hate towards anyone. One kid proudly said, "I come from a long line of racists". I'm pretty sure he didn't come up with that line himself. As these kids said this stuff I bit my tongue. I know in my day if I said idiotic stuff in a car with an adult I would have been put in my place. But these days if you even look at a kid the wrong way there parents will sue your ass to make up for their guilt over their lack of parenting skills. Heck, in my day another parent could give you a good smack if you deserved it. Now this might be me getting old in my 43rd year but kids today get away with murder.
Finally - yo kid - pull up those damn pants. Stop walking so slow across the street. Don't ask me if you can bum a cigarette. Respect the authority. And once again - pull up those damn pants.
Dave the Dude
Saturday, January 22, 2011
No one takes responsibility any more for their own actions
This past week a woman in the US was texting and walking and fell into a fountain. The action was caught on video that than went viral http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGpVpsaItpU . Most people would be able to laugh at themselves but not this lady. She has decided to sue the security company that handles the mall because it is allegedly their video. C'mon lady. It was your own stupidity that made you fall in that fountain and look the fool. Take responsibility for your actions. Must people get money for everything?
This reminds of the idiots who try to sue casinos because they spent all their money. Anyone credible who is in recovery and/or works in the addictions field knows that part of getting over your addictions is taking responsibility for your own actions. Trying to sue and blame someone else for your disease is just taking you further into your addiction. It let's you say, "it's not my fault it's someone elses." As a recovered alcoholic/addict I have taken responsiblity for my actions. I used to drink and blame others for my drinking - my boss sucks so I'm going to drink; if she didn't do this I wouldn't have to drink; if that cop hadn't busted me for drinking and driving I wouldn't have to drink. Give me a break. By suing the casinos it is furthering a sick person's rationalization. When you take the "me" out of blaME all you have left is a lot of "bla" "bla" "bla". I recently heard a local radio talkshow host who has his own recovery business and a show about addiction say he tells his gambling clients to sue casinos. This really irks me. That only feeds into the addicts feeling of terminal uniqueness. People who do this "can't differenitate the truth from the false" (AA Big Book).
The current waiting list for subsidized day care in Toronto is 15, 500. Do people not think about finances when they have children. Maybe they should stop buying the X-Boxes and big screen television sets and pay some money for day care. Plus I thought the McGuinty govenrnment already solved this problem by bringing in it's own free day care called all day kindergarten.
That takes us to the homeless. Toronto has more people hired to help the homeless than there are homeless people in the city. I heard them begging for more money today on the radio. How about the city cut some of those bureaucratic jobs and use that money to help the homeless. If a homeless person doesn't want to go into a shelter I say that's their right. That is also their decision so don't be giving my tax money to them. We all have decisions to make in this life. If I choose to freeze to death outside rather than taking free shelter - so be it. That's my decision. If the pinko liberals of the nation would let us lock people up for their own good than maybe they'd stop whining.
People today need to take responsiblity for their own choices in life. If make a bad decision (and I've made many) I don't sue anyone or blame anyone I take responsiblilty for the choice I made.
Dave the Dude
This reminds of the idiots who try to sue casinos because they spent all their money. Anyone credible who is in recovery and/or works in the addictions field knows that part of getting over your addictions is taking responsibility for your own actions. Trying to sue and blame someone else for your disease is just taking you further into your addiction. It let's you say, "it's not my fault it's someone elses." As a recovered alcoholic/addict I have taken responsiblity for my actions. I used to drink and blame others for my drinking - my boss sucks so I'm going to drink; if she didn't do this I wouldn't have to drink; if that cop hadn't busted me for drinking and driving I wouldn't have to drink. Give me a break. By suing the casinos it is furthering a sick person's rationalization. When you take the "me" out of blaME all you have left is a lot of "bla" "bla" "bla". I recently heard a local radio talkshow host who has his own recovery business and a show about addiction say he tells his gambling clients to sue casinos. This really irks me. That only feeds into the addicts feeling of terminal uniqueness. People who do this "can't differenitate the truth from the false" (AA Big Book).
The current waiting list for subsidized day care in Toronto is 15, 500. Do people not think about finances when they have children. Maybe they should stop buying the X-Boxes and big screen television sets and pay some money for day care. Plus I thought the McGuinty govenrnment already solved this problem by bringing in it's own free day care called all day kindergarten.
That takes us to the homeless. Toronto has more people hired to help the homeless than there are homeless people in the city. I heard them begging for more money today on the radio. How about the city cut some of those bureaucratic jobs and use that money to help the homeless. If a homeless person doesn't want to go into a shelter I say that's their right. That is also their decision so don't be giving my tax money to them. We all have decisions to make in this life. If I choose to freeze to death outside rather than taking free shelter - so be it. That's my decision. If the pinko liberals of the nation would let us lock people up for their own good than maybe they'd stop whining.
People today need to take responsiblity for their own choices in life. If make a bad decision (and I've made many) I don't sue anyone or blame anyone I take responsiblilty for the choice I made.
Dave the Dude
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Dirrahea, Anxiety and Panic
Two days ago my roommate (my ex-fiance's brother) made us some beef stew. It was very good. But since then I have had the runs like you wouldn't believe. I'm up to five immodiums. Usually two do it for me, at the most three. I was on the elevator at work yesterday clunching my butt cheeks together and something almost came out. Luckily I made it to bathroom on time. It was quite close.
After my Mom died it was just me and my Dad living together. When we ate together I cooked all the meals. Usually my famous Shake'N'Bake chicken, steak or lamb chops. I made a great roast duck right after she died but he said it was too greasy. It's been almost two years since my Dad passed away and the only thing I have cooked has been microwave hotdogs. My girlfriend/fiance at the time hated my cooking. She said my steaks and lambchops sucked so she cooked everything or else I bought us dinner out or ordered in. Now that we have broken up I'm back to my hotdog diet. Guess I'll have to start cooking again. Definitely not beef stew.
When I was a kid our TV room was directly under my parents' bedroom. Whenver someone walked in the bedroom I could hear the floors creak. I would get this fear that the floor would cave in and I'd be crushed. I would turn up the television set volume so I wouldn't hear the creaking. Of course, I would inevtiably get into trouble for having the sound too loud and be told to turn it lower. So I suffered with this panic for years.
When I was about 16 I was sitting in my bud's place in his bedroom which was in the basement. The same type of creaking could be heard from above as I heard in my TV room. We were drinking beers and listening to tunes. I eventually realized that my anxiety had dissipated. I put two and two together and came out with alcohol.
My panic/anxiety grew as I got older. The screeching noise that trucks and/or busses make when stopping; haircuts (it's been like 10 years and I still buzz my own hair); people jumping on the dance floor making you feel the floor move; mowing the lawn under big tree branches (they could fall off and crush me); noisy machines (they could blow up); on and on and on. But luckily for me I was an alcoholic and drunk the majority of the time. Unfortunately the anxiety grew and grew and grew until one day it was just a continuous panic attack that would never go away. Thus I had to go on the meds.
Eventually I sobered up and the meds continued to work. When I was three years into sobriety I decided that maybe I didn't need the meds anymore. With the doctor's help I weaned off the meds. Within six months I couldn't function any more and had to admit defeat and go back on the coo-coo pills. Oh well. One of the reasons I wanted to go off the pills is because I would get anxiety thinking about not being able to get them any longer if a nuclear holocaust (or some other disaster) befell the earth.
Dave the Dude
After my Mom died it was just me and my Dad living together. When we ate together I cooked all the meals. Usually my famous Shake'N'Bake chicken, steak or lamb chops. I made a great roast duck right after she died but he said it was too greasy. It's been almost two years since my Dad passed away and the only thing I have cooked has been microwave hotdogs. My girlfriend/fiance at the time hated my cooking. She said my steaks and lambchops sucked so she cooked everything or else I bought us dinner out or ordered in. Now that we have broken up I'm back to my hotdog diet. Guess I'll have to start cooking again. Definitely not beef stew.
When I was a kid our TV room was directly under my parents' bedroom. Whenver someone walked in the bedroom I could hear the floors creak. I would get this fear that the floor would cave in and I'd be crushed. I would turn up the television set volume so I wouldn't hear the creaking. Of course, I would inevtiably get into trouble for having the sound too loud and be told to turn it lower. So I suffered with this panic for years.
When I was about 16 I was sitting in my bud's place in his bedroom which was in the basement. The same type of creaking could be heard from above as I heard in my TV room. We were drinking beers and listening to tunes. I eventually realized that my anxiety had dissipated. I put two and two together and came out with alcohol.
My panic/anxiety grew as I got older. The screeching noise that trucks and/or busses make when stopping; haircuts (it's been like 10 years and I still buzz my own hair); people jumping on the dance floor making you feel the floor move; mowing the lawn under big tree branches (they could fall off and crush me); noisy machines (they could blow up); on and on and on. But luckily for me I was an alcoholic and drunk the majority of the time. Unfortunately the anxiety grew and grew and grew until one day it was just a continuous panic attack that would never go away. Thus I had to go on the meds.
Eventually I sobered up and the meds continued to work. When I was three years into sobriety I decided that maybe I didn't need the meds anymore. With the doctor's help I weaned off the meds. Within six months I couldn't function any more and had to admit defeat and go back on the coo-coo pills. Oh well. One of the reasons I wanted to go off the pills is because I would get anxiety thinking about not being able to get them any longer if a nuclear holocaust (or some other disaster) befell the earth.
Dave the Dude
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Predictions for 2011
Everyone is always making predictions for the New Year so I thought I'd give it a try.
My predictions for 2011:
1) Television networks will continue to come up with even more idiotic reality shows. The top one of this year will be Copulating Crocodiles and the Dwarves They Eat.
2) Justin Bieber will give up pop music to try his hand at Death Metal but in a rappish way.
3) Tiger Woods will become a Born Again Christian and have the best year of his life.
4) Dalton McGuinty will ge re-elected Premier of Ontario by the same idiots who re-elected him last time. I will have to bitch and moan about it for another term.
5) Aliens will land on Earth, bring a non-surgical cure for hemorrhoids and get their own late night talk show which will finally blow Jay Leno out of the airwaves.
6) Oprah Winfrey will break her diet by eating her own ego and explode.
7) I will get bigger in the waist and thinner on the head.
8) People will keep hassling the Hoff.
9) Erik Estrada will finally have his American/Canadian television come back in a show about an ex-California Highway Patrol who moves to Caledonia to man the illegal smoke shack.
10) Israel will stupidly continue to build new settlements pissing off the Palestinians who will continue to "never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity" (Abba Eban).
11) Stephen Harper and the Conservaties will finally get a majority government in Canada.
12) The toy Micronauts will finally make a comeback.
13) Vice President Al Gore will bring attention to global warming by going over Niagara Falls (the Canadian side) in a barrell.
14) Mel Gibson will convert to Judaism and go under cover to document what really goes on in those Jews for Jesus meetings.
15) It'll turn out that Michael Jackson did not die. In fact he and Janet Jackson are the same person that's why they were never out in public together.
Happy New Year Everybody
My predictions for 2011:
1) Television networks will continue to come up with even more idiotic reality shows. The top one of this year will be Copulating Crocodiles and the Dwarves They Eat.
2) Justin Bieber will give up pop music to try his hand at Death Metal but in a rappish way.
3) Tiger Woods will become a Born Again Christian and have the best year of his life.
4) Dalton McGuinty will ge re-elected Premier of Ontario by the same idiots who re-elected him last time. I will have to bitch and moan about it for another term.
5) Aliens will land on Earth, bring a non-surgical cure for hemorrhoids and get their own late night talk show which will finally blow Jay Leno out of the airwaves.
6) Oprah Winfrey will break her diet by eating her own ego and explode.
7) I will get bigger in the waist and thinner on the head.
8) People will keep hassling the Hoff.
9) Erik Estrada will finally have his American/Canadian television come back in a show about an ex-California Highway Patrol who moves to Caledonia to man the illegal smoke shack.
10) Israel will stupidly continue to build new settlements pissing off the Palestinians who will continue to "never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity" (Abba Eban).
11) Stephen Harper and the Conservaties will finally get a majority government in Canada.
12) The toy Micronauts will finally make a comeback.
13) Vice President Al Gore will bring attention to global warming by going over Niagara Falls (the Canadian side) in a barrell.
14) Mel Gibson will convert to Judaism and go under cover to document what really goes on in those Jews for Jesus meetings.
15) It'll turn out that Michael Jackson did not die. In fact he and Janet Jackson are the same person that's why they were never out in public together.
Happy New Year Everybody
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