I hear many people cutting up advice/suggestions that
are not in the Big Book without any explanation at all. I’ve made the odd joke
myself. I think of lot of sayings/advice we hear does work if it’s put into
proper context.
I recently criticized the saying “meeting makers make
it”. Let me qualify that criticism. If a newcomer comes around and just hears “meeting
makers make it” and think all you have to do is go to meetings to stay sober
then the majority of them will not. Meetings are, of course, important. When I
first came into the rooms, I went to a ton of meetings. I didn’t do 90 in 90 (another
saying people criticize) but approximately 180 in 90. Going to that many
meetings grounded me, helped with my mental health and made me feel a part of
the Fellowship. However, I also got a sponsor, began the Steps and got active.
If I hadn’t done those three then I doubt I would have stayed sober. I wasn’t
working at the time and going to those meetings, interacting with fellow alcoholics
and helping run a service meeting got me out of myself and into recovery mode.
For me it was an essential anchor to my recovery.
Another saying people criticize is “relapse is part of
recovery”. If you’re talking about picking up a drink/drug then I completely
agree. The relapse part of recovery is returning to your old ways, character defects
and stinking thinking. There’s been many the time where I relapsed in my
emotional sobriety. However, I had the tools necessary to realize what I did
(or a sponsor to point it out to me) and was able to make the correction before
I fell off that wagon and took a drink/drug.
There’s a large group of people who really dislike “acceptance
is the answer to all my problems today” while another group of people love it. (Page
417, Big Book, 4th Edition). I don’t see why people hate it so much.
I have to accept situations as being what they are. The old me tried to change
everything to fit what I expected, got a resentment because I couldn’t and then
took a drink. I try my best to have my acceptance higher than my expectations
so I don’t get a resentment. Acceptance doesn’t mean you accept abuse/violence.
It means if you’ve experienced something like that you must accept that it has
happened, look at your options (this includes asking for help) then proceed.
Finally, I keep seeing people getting really angry
over the saying, “One Day at a Time”. To me this refers to staying sober. Before
I came into the rooms a big hindrance to remaining sober was worrying about
what I would do come holidays, my birthday, etc. One Day at a Time taught me to
just tell myself I’ll stay sober for the next 24 hours and not worry about tomorrow.
When tomorrow came, I did the same thing. One Day at a Time does not mean I don’t
plan for the future. One has to do that. I have to plan future vacations, for
upcoming events, who’s going to chair my home group next week, etc.
When I hear something, I try to look at it from all
angles before rejecting it. I try to follow the famous Herbert Spencer quote
from our Big Book:
There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all argument and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance.
This principle is contempt prior to examination.
