My Dream

When I was in college for addictions counselling we had this great assignment where we got to design our own treatment centre. The instructor told us we had unlimited funding (imagine that in the real word!) and we could do whatever we want. Now that I’ve been in recovery for over a decade and involved in addictions counselling for almost as long I thought it’d be fun, using the same parameters, to write about how I would set up a treatment centre.

The treatment centre would be in a house setting. The majority of treatment centres I’ve worked at have been in old houses and I feel this type of setting lends itself to the therapeutic community that is essential for any good rehab. The facility would cater to both men and women, ages 18 and up, and treatment would be free – no fee-for-service. Women would be allowed to bring children with them as there would not only be a daycare facility but also a children’s program. This program would be in addition to the centre’s family program.

Program stay would be anywhere from 28 days to 35 days with aftercare available. There would be no therapists involved in the residential portion of treatment but referrals would be made post-treatment or even several months into the aftercare program. It’s my firm belief that not everyone needs a therapist to get sober and therapy style treatment in the first six months of recovery does more harm than good. While not a medical facility a doctor would meet with clients once a week to take care of any physical needs including those having liver issues, pancreas issues as well as those infected with Hepatitis and/or HIV.

The centre would be an abstinent based one. No methadone but Suboxone would be allowed if the person had a plan to wean off completely. The program itself would be firmly rooted in the 12 Steps of recovery with each client being assigned a 12 Step counsellor in order to gain a firm understanding of what the Steps are about and how they are worked. The clients would be taken to 12 Step meetings every night with attendance being mandatory. The meetings would be either Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous. The facility would have a gym and twice a week clients would have the choice to use the gym with a trainer or partake of a yoga class. Every week there would be group sessions on relapse prevention, denial management and daily meditation. Twice a week there would be separate men’s and women’s groups. Depending on the need a LGBT group could be added to this. The centre would take an holistic approach offering group acupuncture and hypnotherapy sessions to help with anxiety and withdrawal.

No mobile phones would be allowed nor iPods or anything with a screen. However, computers would be made available to check emails and do banking, etc. All social media would be blocked. Phone time would be available at certain times for social calls but time would be limited. We would serve caffeinated coffee and clients can eat candy if they desire. However, a nutritionist would have at least one session with each client. If the client desired to have further meetings with the nutritionist to help create a healthy meal plan post-treatment then that would be arranged.  As the centre is teaching the “we” part of recovery all clients would be assigned basic daily chores including, garbage, setting the table, cleaning, etc.

Mandatory individual counselling sessions would be held once a week with clients working on weekly recovery goals in an effort to formulate a discharge plan to show how they plan to take what they learned in treatment and apply it to the real world. Since money is no object the facility would also have its own sober living community post-treatment houses for those who needed that extra time to transition back into the everyday grind. Once a person graduated from the centre they would become an alumnus and be able to drop by, but not stay overnight, for groups. An alumni association would eventually be formed with the goal of helping new clients.

I’m sure once I started up such a facility things would have to be tweaked here as everything is a learning experience. I often hear lottery commercials on the radio/TV with people stating what they would do if they ever won – from buying an island, to travelling, to buying mansions, etc. If I ever win the lottery, and it was enough, I would open my own treatment centre. I already know which people I’d ask to work with me.

Dave the Dude

The Word is Powerful

I’m a firm believer that the Type Three Alcoholic/Addict will not achieve recovery through a spiritual awakening unless he/she completes (and continues to practice) the 12 Steps. Saying that I think those of us who are recovered have to be careful what we say around the newcomer so as to not to give them the wrong idea.

A common saying that recovered alcoholics/addicts say is, “it’s not the meetings you make but the Steps you take”. I agree wholeheartedly but if a newcomer were to hear this without further explanation he/she may think that meetings are not important at all. When I first entered Alcoholics Anonymous I went to a meeting every day (sometimes two) even as I was working on my Steps. One of the legacies of Alcoholics Anonymous (and I would say CA as well) is unity. I believe that unity is found through the Fellowship and that can only be found at meetings. I know I would not have been able to stay sober if it were not for the multitude of meetings I attended and support (positive energy) that Fellowship provided me. When speaking I often say that the Fellowship carried me on their shoulders for the first few months of my recovery.

It is the aforementioned positive energy that I was able to use as a stepping stone to my Higher Power. Carl Jung called it the collective unconscious. For the first time in a long time I was surrounded by people who wanted me to get well and didn’t want anything in return. They told me to come back rather than stay away. They didn’t care if I was shaky or disheveled, they loved me for me.

Just as it is inherently dangerous to say things like, “don’t drink and go to meetings” it is also dangerous to criticize the notion that lots of meetings will help someone. It was at the meetings that I learned how important the Steps were and that the Big Book was the instruction manual. It was at meetings where I found my sponsor and formed a support network of healthy recovered people that I have remained in contact with for over a decade. And it is at meetings that I find newcomers to pass on what was so freely given to me.

Another dangerous thing to say to newcomers is, “stick with the winners not the losers”. The Big Book tells me those who have not yet gotten the program and continue to act/think in a toxic manner are spiritually ill. They are not losers. To say someone is a loser implies that there is no hope. A better way to phrase this would be to suggest to newcomers to hang around people who have completed the Steps and recovered from this “seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body.”

Language is very important and the word can be a powerful tool. I’m sober not clean – a house is clean. I’m recovered not recovering – telling the newcomer I’m recovered shows them that this illness can be put into remission. Meetings are important but if you don’t do the Steps then they won’t be enough. As don Miguel Ruiz Jr. said, “are you letting knowledge control you or are you controlling knowledge?”

Dave the Dude

Coming To Terms With Harm Reduction

I’ve had an interesting relationship with harm reduction over the years. Prior to sobering up in January of 2005 I tried my luck with controlled drinking and failed miserably. At the time I didn’t know about the phenomenon of craving when it comes to alcohol. I’m one of the 10 per cent of the population who have the disease of alcoholism. A few years into recovery I also tried to cut down my smoking but failed at that as well. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy.

Early into recovery I became an addictions counsellor and my first job was with the same agency that I got sober at. It was a disease-model, abstinence-based, centre which put heavy emphasis into the 12 Steps of recovery. At that time I was steadfast in my belief that abstinence was the only way to achieve recovery, the 12 Step way at that. For my own recovery I feel that was the place I needed to be. For me, harm reduction doesn’t work and will only lead to disaster. As my career branched out to other treatment centres I began to take another look at my devotion to the idea that abstinence is the only way to go. When I speak of abstinence I’m talking about abstinence from all mind altering substances, including alcohol, marijuana and benzodiazepines, no matter what your preferred method of escape was. Oxycontin use was on the rise and more and more people were seeking treatment for addiction to it. A segment of these people became addicted to Oxy after a doctor prescribed it to them for a legitimate reason. This particular group never had an issue with alcohol or other substances. I started feel that this group of people may be able to drink alcohol or smoke marijuana safely. However, they would have to be very careful in case a problem arose.

Over the years I’ve been in recovery and addiction counselling I saw several types of harm reduction. From Methadone to Suboxone, I’m still of the belief that when it comes to opiate addiction (not in the case of the aforementioned population segment) the greatest chance for an optimal quality life is complete abstinence from alcohol and all mind altering substances. However, I’m no longer so naïve as to think that everyone can accomplish this and have realized that some individuals will be on these types of medications for years, maybe even life. However, I firmly believe that the harm reduction factor is wiped out if doctors continue to prescribe these medications knowing that the persons using them are using other substances at the same time.

Recently I changed up my career. I am no longer an addictions counsellor but am what’s called a Peer Support Worker helping marginalized segments of our population. Most notably people suffering from mental health issues, addictions and homelessness. As part of my new job I get to ride in an Outreach Van handing out food, clothes, blankets, etc. Part of the van’s function is also a needle exchange program. Not only do we hand out clean needles but arm ties, cooking kits and other types of paraphernalia needed to shoot-up substances. I know that I would not have been able to carry out this type of work early in my recovery but today it doesn’t bother me in the least. It’s not my job, professionally or personally, to tell people how they should live their lives. If they ask me for a better way then I’m available to guide them in that direction. Until then I’m just happy to be preventing the spread of disease and allowing addicts to maintain some level of dignity.

Dave the Dude

To Swear or Not to Swear

To swear or not to swear that is the question. What am I talking about? Every once in a while I get into a debate with someone on whether it’s okay to swear at the front of the rooms when sharing your experience, strength and hope. I’m of the belief that one should not swear. I was taught, by those who went before me, that when I share my story at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (or any other fellowship) I am representing AA and if a newcomer sees me swearing up a storm I’m not representing the fellowship very well.

Another reason I don’t swear at the front of the room (and try not to in my day-to-day life) is that swearing is negative and anti-spiritual. I expressed this to someone recently and they launched into a giant tirade about me judging their spirituality. The person said, “Who are you to judge my spirituality?” I wasn’t judging the person. I just know, for myself, “a spiritual awakening is a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]” (Big Book, 1939). I acted and thought one way prior to recovery and I act and think differently now. The old me swore left, right and centre and the new me tries not to, especially when sharing my story at the front of a 12 Step meeting.

My friend was perfectly correct. It’s not up to me to tell someone not to swear when they share (except for my sponsees). However, this debate always brings back the memory of a meeting I attended at a fellowship I rarely attend any longer. I was at an open speaker meeting and the speaker was doing a great job. I thought he was great until he suddenly said, “…and then I found my fucking Higher Power”. As soon as he said that I realized that I didn’t want the kind of sobriety that guy had.

I understand it’s, “progress not perfection” (Big Book, 1939),  and that the odd swear word may slip out once in a while abut when it’s purposely done I have to wonder what it the point. Recovery is about change. If hold on to my old ideas that swearing is perfectly okay then I remain stagnant and do not change. As I was taught when I entered recovery if nothing changes my sobriety date will.

Dave the Dude

A Sad State of Affairs

For the second year in a row I attended Toronto’s Recovery Day event. As a person who is proud to be in recovery I think Recovery Day is a great idea. It originated in the U.S. as part of the Voices in Recovery Movement (VRM). It’s a grassroots movement with, from my understanding, a two-fold purpose. First to remove the stigma that people who suffer from the disease of addiction face. Second, to act as the vanguards of advocacy to get legislation passed to treat addiction as a disease rather than a crime.

Last year’s event in Toronto was not well attended and I blamed a broken down subway line. However, this year the subway was fine and there seemed to be even less people in attendance. I believe the reason for this is that the people in recovery, those the VRM want to help, refuse to embrace the movement. I further believe that this refusal is based on a misinterpretation of the anonymity tradition followed by 12 Step fellowships world-wide. People have this mistaken belief that if you tell someone you are a recovered alcoholic/addict or as the VRM would word it, “a person of recovery”, you are breaking anonymity. Bill Wilson, co-founder of the original 12 Step Fellowship Alcoholics Anonymous and author of the 12 Traditions, did not want people to hide the fact that they had, “recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” from the rest of the world. Recovered people do not hide from the world they embrace it. Bill Wilson spoke before a U.S. Congressional Committee in the 1960s (after the 12 Traditions had been adopted) and both him and Dr. Bob Smith (AA’s other co-founder) appointed Marty Mann (AKA: The First Lady of AA) to be a spokesperson to the world in an effort to educate the public that addiction wasn’t a lack of morals or will-power but a medical disease. I firmly believe that both Bill and Dr. Bob would not only attend a Recovery Day in their area but announce at meetings as well.

I am a person of long-term recovery which means I haven’t seen the need to take a drink or mind-altering substance since January 7, 2005. In my recovery journey I have seen first-hand the stigma people with mental health/addiction issues face and the lack of government funded treatments for those who suffer from this illness. I have experienced the strength of various 12 Step Fellowships and the enthusiasm those involved have for recovery events. When I was six months sober I had the privilege to attend the World Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous in Toronto. Along with 50,000 other people I said the Serenity Prayer in the SkyDome. I walked the streets of Toronto proudly displaying my World Conference AA Pass for all to see. From what I observed the majority of those in attendance weren’t hiding their passes either. I regularly attend the annual Ontario Regional Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous (ORC) at the Royal York in Toronto. Although not quite 50,000 people attend there are a good 3,000. At the local AA meetings I attend the ORC and smaller events are regularly announced and received with enthusiasm by a group voracious to attend all things recovery themed. However, when I announced Recovery Day in my area I was met with hostility by some.

The founders of the 12 Step movements were for helping the still suffering person. The Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous states that it doesn’t know everything and promotes cooperation with those who also want to help. This cooperation was clearly not present in Toronto on the last two Recovery Days (2015 & 2016). I was glad to see a Narcotics Anonymous Booth there but aggrieved that no booth existed for either Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous. I’ve seen AA booths set up in other community celebrations and/or information days but not for the one set aside especially for those it was formed to help. In fact the Toronto Intergroup is anti-Recovery Day which I can only assume is based on the aforementioned misinterpretation of anonymity tradition.

The Voices in Recovery Movement seeks to show politicians that those in Recovery do vote and can have significant sway in elections. It’s based on the movement by the gay community formed in the 1980s when it was faced with the AIDS epidemic. Sad to say, at least in Toronto, this advocacy movement is not as successful as the one it tries to emulate. In fact, based on the numbers of people in attendance I cannot see our current government or any future one making any changes to the health care system that would help the still suffering alcoholic/addict. A sad state of affairs - indeed.

Dave the Dude

My AA Nightmare

As I sat in the meeting last night I observed that the gentleman next to me had a bad cold. As the meeting went on I noticed that he was blowing his nose and using tissue after tissue. It appeared to be quite the mucus mess. I had a hard time remaining in the now as all I could think of was having to hold his hand during the closing prayer thus risking picking up whatever virus was wreaking havoc on his body. 

At the conclusion of the meeting I was relieved to see the gentleman had gone to the bathroom and not yet returned. I finished the meeting grateful I did not have to take ahold of the infected hand. 

Later that night as I awoke with the beginnings of a sore throat it dawned on me I had shaken the aforementioned gentleman's hand when I introduced myself prior to the start of the meeting. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! 😱

Dave the Dude

Objectionable Treatment Practices

There is a plethora of addiction/mental health treatment centres across Canada, many of them private. In Ontario anyone with a load of money and/or a desire to make more can open one as there is no regulations whatsoever and no plans in the near future to bring in any. This opens the playing field to a host of ne-er-do-wells who take advantage of the lack of regulation, preying on the misery and desperation of families suffering from the disease of addiction and/or mental health. Not only do these people prey on those needing help they also prey on those wanting to help the sick individuals.

Many of the people who open a treatment centre get it into because they have found recovery themselves. Unfortunately, as we say in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you sober up a horse thief you still have a horse thief. Or in this case if you sober up a scum-bag you still have a scum-bag. I’ve been in the field of addictions for over a decade now and have run into my fair share of unscrupulous people. Without naming names (as I’ve had to sign confidentiality agreements) let me share with you a few of my experiences.

There was one centre I had the displeasure to work for that seemed okay at the beginning. The front-line staff was great and even some of the on-site management. I began to see the perniciousness of the centre when I met the main owner. He made his money (prior to getting into the treatment business) by targeting the very people he now wanted to help with a string of payday loan outlets. Actually I wouldn’t say he wanted to help the ones who patronized those establishments as they wouldn’t be able to afford the addiction centre he had opened. This guy went after the whales of addiction – people who still had money or whose families did. I knew something was off with the guy when I first met him. He came to the centre in his high-priced car accompanies by his newly purchased pure-bred puppy. The puppy’s ears were a bleeding mess as the owner had just had them clipped. He mentioned that he had to return the puppy as it was sick. When I asked what would happen to the dog he shrugged it off giving a clear impression that he didn’t give a shit. As time went on myself and other staff realized that this guy didn’t not only didn’t give a shit about canines but didn’t care much for employees or those they were trying to help either. Problems soon arose with bounced bay cheques or none at all. At first staff was patient but when there was not even a sorry from this multi-mansion living owner we began to despair.

The centre owned by this Machiavellian of money-making didn’t have intake counsellors but sales people (a commonality of private centre in the province and across the nation). These sales people, posing as addiction experts, would say anything to get a client signed up for the $20,000 per/month treatment program. One of these hucksters was able to convince a disabled guy in a wheelchair to sign up for treatment, despite the fact that the facility was not accessible to someone in his condition. The guy was able to stick it out for three days before he came to his senses but that was all that was needed because after three days in the facility there was a no-money back clause in the treatment contract. I wish I could say this type of thing was isolated to this one centre but it is becoming a wide-spread epidemic amongst centres in Ontario and across Canada for that matter. Owners/CFOs/CEOs will often tell counsellors to try to makes sure a client stays in treatment at least to the no-money back clause kicks in.

I worked at this one place where families sent loved ones with extreme addiction/mental health issues to get help. Unfortunately for these people they weren’t properly assessed prior to coming to the centre and as a result staff was not properly informed of the issues the person was facing putting both them and clients’ safety in jeopardy. Again it seems the aura of green overshadowed the need to help. There were also very blurry lines between some clinical staff and clients. There was one counsellor who would take two individuals out for day passes when he was off-duty. There seemed to be no line between counsellor and client. There also appeared to be sets of rules that were enforced on regular clients but not on individuals who head clinical staff had a soft spot for. Treatment centres need to be client-centred but they also need to have a set of guidelines that must be adhered to or chaos ensues and no one is helped. For some reason I’ve seen these guidelines thrown by the wayside causing great havoc masked with veil of a therapeutic intervention.

At one centre clients facing therapeutic consequences for negative behaviours were able to plead to the owner to overrule clinical staff. The owner would do so, despite having no clinical training himself, thus throwing a whole stink on the therapeutic dynamic in the centre and undermining the authority of all. In my experience therapists often undermine the authority of addiction counsellors in much the same way but an owner doing this is, my in opinion, is much worse.

What can be done about this? The government must bring in regulation. A few organizations have been formed to try to bring a degree of professionalism but none are recognized by the province or the feds. When and if the government brings in regulations it needs to do so with input from experts in the field hailing from the many successful interventions, including 12 Step which government officials tend to be wary of – most likely because it has to do with a Higher Power which is not quantifiable.

Every so often I have friends and family asking for advice on places to send loved ones for addiction/mental health help. I have come to the conclusion that people should only be sent to institutions that have been around longer than 15 years. This isn’t the only criteria I tell them to look at but it is an important one

Dave the Dude

The 12 Step Effect on Addictions Counselling

I’ve been in the addictions field for around a decade. My inspiration in joining the addictions counselling ranks came from my own personal journey in recovery. After battling addiction for several years I finally became sober by joining a 12 Step fellowship and working the 12 Steps as laid out in the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous. In all the various treatment centres I have worked at there have been fellow employees who also found recovery through a 12 Step program. I have found that counsellors who sobered up with AA or CA or NA, etc. can be divided up into several categories. Here are the three I see most often.

The first type is the hard-core, only 12 Steps will work, counsellor. This is the type of guy (or gal) who upon meeting a new employee says something silly like, “are you one of us?” These types of counsellors are close-minded to other approaches to recovery just as they may have been close-minded to something like Alcoholics Anonymous prior to becoming sober. They openly mock those employees without 12 Step recovery. When I first began working in the addictions field I would have fallen, for the most part, into this category. Luckily I was exposed to the right kind of people and philosophies and have since broadened my perspective.

The second type of counsellor who found recovery in a 12 Step fellowship is the 12 Step Apologist. This type of counselor tries to distance himself from AA, CA, NA, etc. as much as possible going so far as expressing embarrassment towards their exposure to the program. They openly mock 12 Step suggestions, change the wording of the Steps and make fun of those counsellors who try to share their experience with the program. These guys have gone over to what I call the dark side of addictions philosophy using only “science-based” interventions to help people. This counsellor disregards their own spiritual awakening thinking that it doesn’t belong in the so-called professional setting of addictions counselling.

The third type of counsellor is the one who is comfortable with his own 12 Step journey and is not afraid to share it with clients. He is not embarrassed by it and tires to impart that power a 12 Step approach can have on someone seeking recovery. At the same time this person is open to new ideas that may be beneficial to recovery even if he doesn’t use them himself. I like to think I am in this category. I realize that things not written in the Big Book of AA can be beneficial to recovery. I have not tried yoga but have seen its benefits. Saying this I recently came under fire at a former job when I suggested reducing mandatory yoga from four times a week to three times a week in order to include an extra 12 Step meeting, inferring that it may be more beneficial to a newcomer’s recovery. Other interventions I have not tried but seen help people with addictions have been acupuncture, hypnosis therapy and mindfulness. I still believe that a 12 Step Program is essential for success in recovery but realize that the interventions I have mentioned, and that I have not, are also a big part in helping a person find stable sobriety.

Counsellors with a personal 12 Step background can be a very powerful tool in the fight against addiction as long as they realize, as the Big Book also states, that their experience is not the be all and end all of addiction interventions.

Dave the Dude

The Great Treatment Fallacy

Any good treatment centre will tell you that treatment is just a beginning it’s not a cure. Treatment is a safe place for an addict to remain sober and learn the tools he will need to continue a sober life once he returns to the outside world. Unfortunately, there is a fallacy that addicts and their family members have fallen prey to and that’s that therapy is needed right away. This couldn’t be further from the truth and often causes further suffering for the addict and her family. Ontario, Canada (most likely the whole country) has a terrible mental health system and not enough, publicly funded, treatment beds which has resulted in a plethora of private addiction treatment centres popping up and competing for those who can afford it. Due to the fact that addicts and their families are not properly educated about how treatment should work these private facilities boast one-on-one therapy sessions for clients in order to attract new customers and the customers buy into it.

Constant drug and alcohol abuse not only affects the body but it also affects the mind. The brain begins to get re-wired and the addict acts out in odd ways. I remember becoming very paranoid when using stimulants and depressed and anxious when I wasn’t using. Near the end of my drug and alcohol use I’d break down in tears on my way to work for no discernable reason. Many people looking at this behaviour would classify me as mentally ill but a good diagnosis could not be made until I had some stability in my sobriety.

People self-medicate in order not to feel pain.  When I say the word pain most people jump to the conclusion that I’m talking about physical pain but we all suffer emotional pain in our daily lives. The addict cannot handle this pain and turns to the most successful tool in getting rid of that pain- self-medication. Regrettably, the tool works so well at first the addict doesn’t pick up any other methods to deal with pain relying solely on drugs and alcohol which inevitably turn again him. This is the reason that therapy at the beginning of recovery causes more problems than good and the addict will most likely relapse.

A therapist deals with trauma, PTSD, body-image issues, etc. All of these things bring up strong and painful emotions. Therapy-based treatment centres try to deal with these strong emotions immediately without allowing an addict to practice using tools, other than self-medication, to deal with pain.

A therapist will see a client swearing and disrespecting both staff and other clients and ask the question, “What’s behind this behaviour?” A good counsellor will acknowledge that there may be some underlying issue but will put a stop to the anti-social behaviour first. When I first entered recovery I was full of distorted thinking which resulted in negative behaviours. Due to the re-wiring of my brain (that came as a result of my alcohol/drug use) my thinking would be distorted for months to come. At the behest of good counsellors and 12-Step sponsorship I began to change my behaviours first and as my brain returned to homeostasis my thinking followed. Not until an addict’s behaviours and thinking line up can therapy become effective. Many addicts have suffered physical, mental and sexual abuse. Many have seen things they can’t deal with on their own. It’s vital that this type of trauma be dealt with but trying to dig into right away in the first days, weeks even months of sobriety is fool-hardy. Stability in recovery comes from routine and cognitive-behavioural changes (and yes 12 Steps are CBT with a spiritual approach). With the tools used to maintain this stability the addict can safely deal with traumatic issues that will bring pain. Nature proves this to us. Denial is a natural part of addiction. The brain goes into denial mode as part of the flight/fight approach so as to not cause us pain. By learning from our own bodies (kind of sounds like mindfulness to me – and therapists LOVE that stuff) we learn not to bring up painful emotions during the most vulnerable time of recovery – at minimum the first nine months.

Until the public is better educated as to how addiction works and is treated they will continue to shell out thousands of dollars to therapy-based treatment centres and the relapse rates will continue to rise. Until governments realize that it’s cheaper to treat the disease than to jail the sufferers this won’t happen. It’s ironic that if an addict calls a publicly funded treatment centre she will not receive help for weeks or months to come but if the same addict robs someone, while she is waiting for her treatment appointment, she gets thousands of dollars’ worth of service immediately. One of the only countries that seem to have figured this out is Portugal where drugs are decriminalized and addiction treatment is readily available.

Dave the Dude

The Hardest Amends

The hardest amends I had to make in recovery was to my mother. She had passed away from non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Cancer a couple years prior to my finding the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Before I could even think about attempting an amends I had to properly mourn her death. When she passed away I was drinking daily and did not have a chance to process my emotions of grief. I just bottled them up, ignored them and like any good alcoholic/addict hoped they would go away on their own.

After dealing with my grief I took the advice of those that went before me. I was told to go to my mom’s grave and speak to her. The first time I went I felt extremely silly and left unsatisfied. It would take two more attempts until I felt the amends complete. As I stood by her grave I made my amends and told her the action I would take to make up for what I had put her through. I promised I would do my best to be there for my father and the rest of my family. Amends made, I felt at peace. Being Jewish it is traditional to leave a rock on top of the grave stone as a symbol that one has visited. I left the silver AA chip I picked up at my first 12 Step meeting.

I was able to complete the promise to my mother regarding my family, most notably my dad. I lived with him until he passed away. At one point I wanted to move out on my own but my partner told me that she would never forgive me if I did that. As I worked and practiced the Steps my relationship with my dad improved greatly. He became one of my best friends. My relationship with my dad was not the only thing that improved. I began to work again making a contribution to society. I had a job that required me to work form 12:00 PM to 8:00 PM. Every day I would say goodbye to my dad, go to a morning meeting then head off to my girlfriend’s house until I had to leave for work. This routine went on for months. One day my girlfriend had an early appointment to attend so I went home rather than going right to work. I walked into the house to hear my dad shouting for help. It turned out that he had just experienced a stroke and had collapsed in the bathroom. I was able to call 911 and get him to the hospital. If that day had been like any other day my dad would have sat there for hours, he may have even died. Coincidence or Godincidence? I’ll let you decide.

This all occurred when the housing bust of 2008 hit the world. For most people that was a terrible time but for me it worked out. My hours got cut by around 95 per cent so and a result I was able to see my dad in the hospital and later in the long-term care facility every day (but one), until his death about four or five months later.

As my dad’s casket was lowered into the ground at his funeral I glanced at the double gravestone he shared with mother. I saw something silver on it and realized that my silver chip was still there. It was a reminder that recovery had helped me through this emotional time and that I didn’t have to drink over my father’s death. I was once again shown that Alcoholics Anonymous would always be there for me if I chose to let it.

Dave the Dude

Service - Unity - Recovery

The triangle in Alcoholics Anonymous represents the three legacies of the program – Unity, Service, Recovery. It’s my firm belief that you need to practice all three of these to remain a healthy sober individual. Some people try to stay sober by just going to meetings. This is called Fellowship Sobriety and while it may work for some, for the hard core alcoholic/addict (Type Three) it just won’t do. Eventually it just becomes frothy, emotional appeal which the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us will simply not suffice. After saying all this I firmly believe that Fellowship (AKA: unity) is vitally important to remaining sober but only if it’s combined with the other two legacies. When I began my journey of recovery I was still fuzzy in the head, had emotions coming out of the wazoo and was still on shaky grounds on the Homefront. The majority of my bridges were burned. All of a sudden I met a group of people who not only welcomed me with open arms but told me to come back. No one had told me to come back in a very long time. This genuine love allowed me the bit of hope I needed to begin the Recovery part of my journey.

When I talk about the Recovery part I am referring to the 12 Steps, the meat and potatoes of sobriety. The 12 Steps teach me how to live in reality and not escape through my addiction. The 12^th Step is helping other alcoholics/addicts by passing on the message (i.e. – taking the newcomer through the 12 Steps). I have found that the best way to do this is by sitting down, one-on-one and going through the Big Book, sharing my own experience in working the Steps.

Service can encompass many other things. Before I completed all the steps I was doing service work. I had the unique opportunity to help run an open speaker service meeting, twice a week, for six months. I would show up to the church every Tuesday and Thursday, set up the chairs, put on the coffee and put out the ashtrays. I got to choose the speakers and those who would participate in the meeting (i.e. – chairperson; readers). Since I was going to approximately 14 meetings a week finding a speaker was never hard. Later I was able to join a committee to help run an annual one day round-up. I held various service positions on that committee. These service opportunities presented themselves to me through others I met in the Fellowship. Imagine that!

Dave the Dude 

The Great Escape

One of the reasons I self-medicated was to get away from myself. Way before my first drink I found ways to escape myself. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I got along with the majority of people but couldn’t get along with myself.

From early childhood the first way I was able to escape reality was through television. A child of the 70s I would engross myself with reruns on the tube. From All in the Family to Mary Tyler Moore I would get lost in the story being told on television. I once heard a person in recovery say television is a great drug because if we don’t like something (i.e. – something doesn’t make you feel good; causes stress) we can just change the channel. By changing the channel to something I like I get immediate gratification. Are you a channel flipper? Maybe your problem is that you’re never satisfied. Or maybe you just have ADHD  ;-) But I digress. I would even take on the persona of some of the characters I liked best (sometimes I still do) acting like them and often quoting them in everyday situations.

When I got to be a tween I found an even better way to lose myself. I caught the acting bug and joined a little theatre youth group. Now, I could become a totally different person. I was a pretty good actor which would serve me well when my addiction progressed as I perfected the art of lying. I even considered pursuing an acting career but fear held me back. Fear would hold me back from a number of things throughout my lifetime. I would blame others for this fear resulting in a “me against the world” attitude which would not serve me well. Page 62 of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous said it best, “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt”. Acting also helped me fine tune the different masks I would wear to fit in. I had a different mask for parents (acting the way I perceived they wanted me to act), a mask for friends and a mask for teachers, etc. As my addiction grew and I began to hang out with different crowds I had a different mask for each of those as well.

After living a life of escape for so long I was already an alcoholic by the time I purposely took that first drink. As Bill Wilson put it, after taking my first drink, “I had arrived”. Alcohol was the solution to my feelings of inadequacy. I was finally comfortable in my own skin and could take on the world. Alcohol took me out my intellect and drugged my emotions and that was the person the rest of the world came to know. As my disease progressed my “isms” did too so that by the time I entered recovery I was so far removed from that person I was uncomfortable being that I didn’t know who I was. My masks no long worked and I had to get rid of them. I had to look into myself and make the changes necessary to like, and later love, myself.

Just under five years into my recovery my father passed away. Thanks to sobriety I was able to forge a new loving relationship with him and he had become one of my best friends. I didn’t self-medicate to deal with this loss which I will be forever grateful of. Following the death of my dad I would go to work then come home and just start watching TV and reading books. My girlfriend kept pointing out that I wasn’t acting like myself but I denied this. After several months I had, for lack of a better description, a moment of clarity. I realized my girlfriend was right and I was once again using TV to escape. This time I was using it as an escape from my depression. I had never been depressed sober and had gone into denial about it. I was once again reminded that I don’t have a drugging or drinking disease but a thinking disease and must be ever vigilant against it.

Dave the Dude

There is Hope - I AM RECOVERED

There seems to be a perpetual debate in the recovery community about whether a person is “recovered” or “recovering”. Even some people who have worked and continue to work the Steps seem to think one should never say “recovered”. They say this despite the fact that written on the cover page of the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous is the statement: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. Altogether the word recovered is used 16 times in the Big Book. As those of us who study the Big Book know Bill Wilson’s prose was not willy-nilly. Wilson did chose the word recovered just because it sounded good.

You might say, “tomato – tomahto”, that I’m just arguing semantics. However, it’s no such thing. Alcoholics Anonymous (and all 12 Step Fellowships) are there to offer hope to the newcomer. When I say I’m recovered I’m showing the newcomer that there is an end game to the chaotic rollercoaster that is his/her life of addiction. Using the wording recovering gives the impression that there is no end in site. Why would I want to embark on a journey that offered no pay off? The pay off of the 12 Steps of Recovery is that I will no longer be obsessed over my addiction.  

I am a recovered alcoholic/addict. I have lost the obsession to drink and use mind-altering substances. My life is no longer unmanageable. I go where I want, when I want, with no fear that I will take a drink and/or drug. I am free. I have been, “rocketed into a fourth dimension” (Big Book, 1939) that has allowed me the freedom to do so. Prior to having the spiritual awakening as a result of working and completing the 12 Steps of recovery I had no freedom. I had lost the power of choice when it came to drinking/drugging. My whole life revolved around getting rid of my restlessness, irritability and discontentment through the use of alcohol/drugs. Now that I am recovered I am not longer a slave to the master of alcohol/drugs. I have the freedom to make choices not based on an obsession to obtain and use mind-altering substances. I have the freedom to accept the consequences my choices have – regardless of them being positive or negative consequences. And if they happen to be negative consequences I have the freedom to deal them in a healthy way rather than trying to escape them.

Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way saying I have been cured of my addiction. What I am saying is that I have put my disease into remission. As the Big Book says I have a, “daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of [my] spiritual condition”. Which means I must continue to work the Steps into my daily life. I am recovered from this, “seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body” (Big Book, 1939), as long as I continue to Trust God – Clean House – Help Others.

Dave the Dude

Stop giving in to Terminal Uniqueness

While addicts have similar characteristics such as self-medicating to hide from pain, denial, the inability to express emotions, anxiety, depression, etc., every addict is an individual with different needs. It is for this reason that the majority of treatment centres have a client-centered focus whereby they don’t treat every client exactly the same. People have different mental health issues; different experiences, be it trauma or otherwise; come from different backgrounds, religious and cultural; have different sexual orientations; etc.

My approach about ridding oneself of resentments would be different with someone who was abused versus someone who wasn’t. Someone who has social anxiety may need a different type of counselling than someone who is an extrovert. I could go on and on.

The problem, as I see it today, is that treatment centres are confusing client-centred with client-directed. By client-directed I mean the client tells you how he wants his treatment to go. To me this is just plain wrong. I went to treatment because I didn’t know how to stay sober – I eventually found out I didn’t know how to live. If the treatment centre I went to allowed me to decide what I needed I have not doubt I would not have remained sober. The counsellors, therapists, nutrionists, etc. at the treatment centre are the experts. The client is not.

The sad fact is that treatment is a big business and private facilities are vying for clients. This means that sometimes the client’s best interests are put on the back-burner in order to either attract the client or ensure she stays in treatment. I understand that allowances have to be made but sometimes these allowances are taken too far. This type of treatment practice is becoming more prominent in the Province of Ontario, Canada. In Ontario the addiction treatment centre business has no government regulations whatsoever and the current provincial government has no plans bring any in. There are organizations, such as the Canadian Certified Addiction Counsellors Federation (CCACF), that have been formed to bring about a standard in the industry however these organizations have no official government recognition. Their standards are not enforceable by law.

The biggest Ontario scandal to date surrounds the most financially successful addiction organization – Addiction Canada. (http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/police-search-addiction-canada-locations-after-unlicenced-employees-allegedly-posed-as-doctors)  It was found guilty of fraud whereby it had two men posing as licensed doctors. The sad thing is this company is still up and running. Who knows what damage has bee done. But I digress.

A common characteristic that addicts have is the belief that, “I’m different from you”, “that may work for you, but it won’t work me”. This is distorted thinking. My best thinking got me to a treatment centre therefore my best thinking cannot be relied on. I had to change my toxic behaviours/thinking in order to get and stay well. The most dangerous disorder an addict can suffer from is that of terminal uniqueness. By giving into this disorder we are allowing toxic behaviours/thinking to continue and condemning the addict to failure.

Dave the Dude

"Trigger" my ass!!!

The most overused and misunderstood word in the addiction treatment industry is “trigger”. A trigger is something that causes someone to think about and/or want to use their drug of choice (e.g. – alcohol; drugs; sex; gambling; etc.). I’ve worked in many different addiction treatment centres and often hear clients uttering the word, “trigger” after hearing or seeing something that may remind them of the life they are trying to get away from. There was one client who said they were “triggered” by the term “silver spoon” when listening to the song Cat’s in the cradle”. Another client was “triggered” by the all the snow in the animated movie Frozen.

Plainly put a “trigger” is something “triggers” an unhealthy reaction. I don’t like to use the word “trigger” I prefer the term “stinking thinking”. “Stinking thinking” is returning to an unhealthy way of thinking that can lead to former toxic behaviours. When dealing with addiction one must first learn that it’s not a drugging or drinking problem but a thinking problem. Prior to entering recovery, I couldn’t handle life on life’s terms and self-medicated to deal with the restlessness this inability caused. A speaker I just heard had a great metaphor: It was like everyone but myself had been given an instruction manual on how to live life. I was trying to live my life without direction and thought the feeling of relief that alcohol/drugs gave me was the manual or solution I needed to life’s ills. It would take several years for me to realize that I had found a false solution.

Twelve-step recovery is all about facing life and not hiding away. I had hidden away for far too long. I hid from problems and feelings. With the tools I learned through the directions found in the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous I could return to the world. I became, “happy, joyous and free” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1939). Don’t get me wrong those of us who follow a 12 Step program do not throw caution to the wind. I don’t just sit at a bar for no reason but am not afraid to go to one if I have a legitimate reason. What allows me to do this is that A – as a result of completing the 12 Steps and working them into my life I have lost the obsession to drink or drug. But as the Big Book tells us, this loss of obsessions is only, “…a daily reprieve based on my spiritual maintenance. And B – I have learned what to do when stinking thinking pops into my head.

Telling people to be wary of the triggers sounds good but, for me, at one time just waking up was a trigger. I remember in the first treatment centre I attended I was given a test called IDTS (Inventory of Drug Taking Situations). It’s supposed to let you know which areas of life are triggers for you and thus what you should stay away from. I scored over 90 per cent which basically meant everything triggered me. This is true for most alcoholic/addicts. If I believed the results of the test, then I would have to lock myself up from the world. Thank God I don’t have to do that. Saying that, there were some things I avoided when I first got into recovery as I was vulnerable to relapse. As previously stated I didn’t go hang out in bars. I chose to hang out with people who were also in recovery. The biggest thing, which may be the closest thing to a “trigger”, was I couldn’t listen to certain songs for a couple of years. When I listened to songs of my youth it would cause the part of addiction that tricks me into thinking I’m not an addict to come up – I would remember the fun times I had drinking and drugging forgetting the terrible consequences. Today I have no problem listening to any song that I want.

I’m a firm believer of not censoring what clients watch on TV or talk about in treatment (not including glorification of drug use). If something is going to cause “stinking thinking” or “trigger” someone then isn’t a treatment centre the best place of that to happen rather than that person experiencing this for the first time without support?

Dave the Dude

The Un-Manageability of Emotions

The second part of Step One from the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous is “…that our lives had become unmanageable”. By the time I was ready to surrender many parts of my life were unmanageable. I couldn’t pay bills, maintain any type of healthy relationship (be it friendship, romantic or familial), keep commitments to family job, etc. or keep up any semblance of self-care. Saying this, I believe that the true root of my unmanageability lay in the fact that I could not manage my emotions.

I first started self-medicating to deal with emotions I didn’t like (i.e. – couldn’t manage) such as fear, anxiety, sadness or anger. These were all painful emotions to my psyche and who likes to suffer pain? In an attempt to manage this pain, I began to drink alcohol and later would partake of marijuana, cocaine and crack (and a slew of other types of substances ranging from depressants to psychedelics to stimulants). Escaping the pain of my emotions through self-medication worked for many years. I believed I had found the solution to my problems. After awhile I wanted to escape or increase any type of emotions. If I was feeling happy I wasn’t satisfied and wanted to feel even happier. Snort some cocaine or smoke some crack and my dopamine increased providing me with a false sense of heightened happiness. It wouldn’t last long and it was a quick nose dive back to one of the emotions that caused me pain. As a result, the whole cycle would begin once more.

Once I sobered up I began the journey of learning how to manage these emotions. Part of the 12 Steps is getting rid of unwanted baggage – resentments, anger, fears, etc. I firmly believe that in order to prevent myself from getting more baggage I had to learn how to manage my feelings – all of them. The first step was learning how to identify them. I had started to regularly self-medicate at the age 16. The majority of all future relationships, crises and problems were dealt with in an intoxicated state. As a result of this I never properly learned how to handle any of those things in a healthy fashion. I sobered up at the age of 35 and about nine months into my recovery I entered into a relationship with another alcoholic who hadn’t started self-medicating until her early 30s. We would get into arguments and I would handle them the way a 16-year-old would causing her to become even more angry. I couldn’t understand why she was getting angry at me as I had never learned how handle confrontation in a healthy manner. It took several years, working a good 12 Step program, outside help and personal growth (on both our parts) for us to begin to resolve issues in a healthy way. Fast forward over 10 years later and we are still together and still learning. It isn’t always perfect but it’s 100 times better than it was in the beginning.

One thing, early in our relationship, that frustrated my partner was my response when she asked me how I was feeling. I would say, “good”. She would say that isn’t a feeling and I would insist that it was. After debating this multiple times, I finally printed off a list of emotions from the Internet (they had faces beside each) and put them on my fridge. Whenever she asked me how I was feeling I would point to three of them and say why I felt that way at the moment or earlier in the day. I think this may have been our couples’ therapist’s idea but can’t remember for sure. Regardless, this helped me begin to learn how to identify my emotions.

I’ve since learned that the words we attribute to our emotions are our way of describing what is going on in our bodies. When I my heart rate increases, my muscles tense and my face gets red there is a good chance I’m angry. When my heart races, I have trouble breathing, my stomach in is knots there is a good chance I’m anxious. When I have a lump in my throat and my eyes water there’s a good chance I’m sad. Etcetera, etcetera. By paying attention to my body and becoming aware of what physiological responses relate to which emotion I have learned to react to each feeling in a healthier way. The old me would get angry and have an unhealthy outburst. Now, by gaging what is going on in my body, I can tell when anger is building, decide my options for a healthy reaction and proceed with said reaction. It doesn’t always work but as the Big Book says, “progress not perfection”.

Dave the Dude

Resentment: A Dish Best Not Served Cold

The Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us that a resentment is the number one killer of an addict. The first action step of the 12 Steps requires me to begin an inventory. Part of that inventory is making a list of resentments I have towards people and/or institutions.

Before listing my resentments, I figured it would be good to know what exactly a resentment is. The root word of resentment is sentiment. A sentiment is a feeling. So a resentment is re-feeling something over and over again. As humans we tend to forget things. Part of addiction is not being able to, “differentiate the truth from the false” (Big Book, 1939). As a resentment grows I tend to exaggerate what happened and I become more and more the victim. What a recovery inventory does is force me to do something I never would of thought of – look at what part I played in the resentment. Nine times out of 10 it was my own self-centredness, fear and stubbornness that was the catalyst to the situation the caused the resentment. For example, I had a big resentment towards an off-duty police officer who followed me for approximately 45 minutes from one city to an other eventually charging me with a DUI. The arrest wasn’t exactly by the book and I could have made an assault charge against her. I carried this resentment with me for years. When I did my first Fourth Step I realized that “A” she wouldn’t have followed me in the first place if I hadn’t been breaking the law by drinking and driving. “B” if I hadn’t broken the law the assault wouldn’t have occurred. And, “C”, I could have done something regarding the assault but I was more interested in getting drinking/drugging and complaining to whomever would listen rather than moving forward with the proper steps. This story allowed me to be the centre of attention whenever I retold it – and what addict doesn’t love being the centre of attention?

But what of the one out of 10 resentments that I had no part in. Be they some type of abuse, betrayal or trauma. I still have to rid myself of these resentments as they have power over me. A perceived justified resentment feeds my disease in telling me I have a just reason to drink/use. Letting go of these type of resentments doesn’t mean I accept the behaviour of the person who wronged me. Physical, emotional or sexual abuse and betrayal is never acceptable. By letting go of these resentments I’m giving up the power those traumatic events have over me. I am letting go of an anchor that is weighing me down.

The Big Book also tells me that anger is a dubious luxury of others. When I get upset over someone insulting or slighting me I am attaching myself to a belief that they must be correct. By realizing that whomever is slandering me is still spiritually ill I am detaching myself from that person’s word.

When I did my first Fourth Step I had a lot of resentments but no longer. If am a working a proper 10^th Step my resentments will be few and far apart. By promptly making my amends I get rid of my anger so that it doesn’t stew within turning into a resentment.

My mind is constantly filled with thoughts making it hard to stay in the moment. When I add a resentment to that committee of thoughts I’m making it that much harder to stay in the now.

Dave the Dude

The Four Sons of Passover Meet the Four Types of Addicts in Recovery

Last weekend I attended the annual Passover Seders. A Seder is when Jewish families, friends, etc. sit around the dinner table and read the story of how Moses led the Jewish people out of bondage from Egypt. Part of the Seder includes how to explain the traditions and rituals to four different types of children. There is the Wise Child, The Contrary Child, The Simple Child and the Child Who Doesn’t Even Know How to Ask A Question. The last few years when going through this part of the Seder I’ve often thought that I could use these types of children as metaphors of different types of alcoholic/addicts.

The Wise Child I equate to the alcoholic/addict who has finally hit such a rock bottom that he is now, “willing to go to anything lengths” (Big Book, 1939) to get sober. This type of addict a sponsor can take through the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous (AKA: Big Book), explaining what each part means with little to no push back. I reached this level following my last relapse (if you call several years a relapse – maybe a lapse?) and have never looked back. I followed the directions of those who went before me and the questions I asked were more about clarification than disagreement.

The Contrary Child I equate to the addict who hasn’t surrendered yet. He is still trying to make the program fit into his needs. This addict is often the one who tries to stay sober on “frothy, emotional, appeal” (Big Book, 1939). He is the one known as a two-stepper – he works Step One and Step 12 skipping all the steps that allows him a happy, joyous and free life and provides him with the ability to properly fulfil Step 12. As it is written in the Big Book’s Chapter A Vision For You if one’s own house is not in order one is not able to properly pass on the message. The Contrary Child, more often than not, relapses and continues to think that willpower alone will be enough to wage war on his addiction. The Contrary Child is deep into denial still unable to, “differentiate the truth from the false” (Big Book, 1939). The Contrary Child is the alcoholic who gets stuck on semantics using the word “God” as a reason not to change.

The Simple Child can be equated to someone brand new to recovery. She has not tried to become abstinent before and wants to learn. If she hooks up with the right kind of sponsor and recovery support group she will ease into recovery without many issues. The willingness is there for sobriety and it just needs to connect with the right kind of teachers.

The Child Who Does Not Even Know How To Ask A Question is also new to recovery but lacks the willingness of the Simple Child. She often gravitates to the Contrary Child still stuck in the notion that in order to be accepted she must change into what others want her to be. This addict will stick with the person who fights recovery following him in his bad habits and contrariness.

I hope that the latter three types of alcoholics/addicts will eventually, due to emotional and spiritual pain, change into the Wise Child and in the course of time become recovered and, in turn, become a sponsor or in this metaphor the leader of the Seder.

Good Pesach to my fellow recovered Yid and remember the four glasses of wine ritual can be carried out using grape juice. The four beverages just have to be from fruit that is grown on a vine.

Next Year in Recovery.

Dave the Dude

Dave the Dude's Guide to Sponsorship

Sponsorship is an important part of 12 Step Recovery. The term first came about in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous. This was a time before withdrawal management services. Alcoholics who needed to be detoxed in a hospital had to be “sponsored” by a member, in good standing, of AA. The sponsor would be responsible for the person prior to, during and after their stay in the hospital. This type of 12^th Step work eventually evolved into the type of sponsorship we have today.

A sponsor’s main job is to take a person through the 12 Step program. If that someone hasn’t completed the 12 Steps then I don’t think they have any business sponsoring someone. It’s my opinion that a sponsor is not there to be the boss of a sponsee. A sponsor is neither better nor worse than the person they are helping. We are equal when it comes to a 12 Step program. Some of us have more experience and are therefore suited to help another. A sponsor is there to provide their experience and not anything else. If you have a sponsor (or any Fellowship member) who starts to give you medical advice I’d stay far away from that person. I had a sponsee ask me for advice on a big financial decision he had to make. I had never faced the type of decision he was mulling over, explained this to him and suggested he talk to a professional trained in the type of advice he needed. Some people tend to let their egos get ahead of them and provide advice that could be disastrous.

Many sponsor’s dump their sponsees for not being willing enough. In my opinion this goes against the Responsibility Pledge, “I am Responsible when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that I am responsible”. I don’t see anywhere in the pledge stating, “I’m only responsible if they show enthusiasm.” I believe that if someone asks for help then give it. Maybe the person only asks for help when they get into trouble and then, “can’t remember with sufficient force the pain and suffering of a month or even a week ago” (Big Book, 1939) and disappear for a while. Eventually, they may reach a point in their lives where the willingness stays and they follow through with their initial motivation to seek help. If I’m telling them, “too bad, you haven’t shown the proper motivation in the past to follow through”, then I’m not being very responsible.

There is no single way to find a sponsor. I only know how I did it. I went to a lot of discussion meetings when I first entered into recovery. I noticed that there was a group of men who were at the same meetings I went to and were there on a consistent basis. I liked what these guys had to say and could tell they were not bullshitting but were walking the talk. One of the men had appeared to have the same sense of humour as me and we got along well. I was attracted to his recovery and so asked him to be my sponsor.

Some newcomers need help right away so chose to get what’s called a temporary sponsor. Sometimes the temporary sponsor becomes a permanent sponsor and sometimes not. When I use the word permanent I don’t mean forever. As all things in 12 Step recovery sponsorship is open to change. One can change a sponsor when one wants to. If one is doing this a lot though I’d recommend you take a look as to why. I am also a firm believer in men sticking with men and women with women – why open yourself up to possible problems?

Dave the Dude

You can have fun in recovery

https://youtu.be/w8RJomFmJ2o

Kangaroo Court Threatens Alcoholics Anonymous' Primary Purpose

The recovery free thinkers movement in Toronto, Ontario has been a thorn in the side of Alcoholics Anonymous for a while now. The group in question, The Agnostic Group first came to the attention of AA members a few years ago when some of its members decided to talk to the press, break their spiritual anonymity, and openly air their resentments against AA. Although causing a stir within the Fellowship it soon died away as most irritants do.

Fast forward to present day. As a result of acting against common unity the Toronto Intergroup decided not to allow The Agnostic Group to be considered an official AA Group or be listed in the meeting list. For those who do not know what an Intergroup does here is a quick list of services they offer:

1.      Receiving, arranging and following up on Twelve Step Calls.

2.      Answering inquiries about AA.

3.      Establishing local Public Information Committees.

4.      Maintain information about local hospitals and recovery facilities for alcoholics.

5.      Publishing local AA meetings lists.

6.      Providing a newsletter.

7.      Ordering, selling and distributing AA conference-approved material.

In keeping with the Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous the Intergroup Committee is made up of group representatives who make decisions via group conscience. What this means is the decision regarding The Agnostics Group was decided by all members of the Toronto Area Alcoholics Anonymous Fellowship (or at least those who attended their group business meeting when this vote was taken).

One of the reasons The Agnostics Group was considered to not be part of the AA Fellowship is because it changed the wording of the 12 Steps. This is what they follow:

1.    We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.    Came to accept and to understand that we needed strengths beyond our awareness and resources to restore us to sanity.
3.    Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the A.A. program.
4.    Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.    Admitted to ourselves without reservation, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.    Were ready to accept help in letting go of all our defects of character.
7.    Humbly sought to have our shortcomings removed.
8.    Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.    Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.  Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.  Sought through mindful inquiry and meditation to improve our spiritual awareness, seeking only for knowledge of our rightful path in life and the power to carry that out.
12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

One of the founding members of The Toronto Agnostics Group did not like this, democratically made, decision and has decided to take Toronto’s AA Intergroup to an Ontario, Canada, Human Rights Tribunal. The Human Rights Tribunals in Canada are not a legal court of law but their decisions are considered legally binding. These tribunals are not beholden to any other government body. In my opinion they are the equivalent of a kangaroo court with no checks and balances.

A human rights tribunal (at least the ones in Canada) can also be called, “The - You hurt my feelings and I don’t like that so I’m going to whine to someone - Tribunal”. Basically the tribunal allows someone who can’t accept a situation and/or are unable to look at their part in it and have found a way to manipulate a result to their liking. I don’t know about you but when I was active in my addiction I was a great manipulator. I could manipulate people into allowing me to further engage in my addiction – quite the character defect. This type of system is not recovery oriented at all. The Canadian tribunal system in Ontario, Canada has allowed one individual, with a resentment, to cause Intergroup to waste a great deal of energy and monies that could best be spent on furthering Alcoholics Anonymous’ primary purpose of helping the still suffering alcoholic.

Not only is energy being wasted the media attention this resentful Friend of Bill has garnered is giving Alcoholics Anonymous a bad reputation with the general public who don’t understand our traditions and thus, in the end, could be responsible for a still suffering alcoholic not coming for help and perhaps dying.

Dave the Dude

The Disease Addiction Conundrum

The Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous calls alcoholism an “illness”. The medical community calls addiction a disease. Some hard core 12 Step members will argue there’s a difference but to me it’s just semantics. Regardless, addiction is a health issue and should be treated as such. It’s not a lack of morals or a lack of willpower. To people who think the latter I challenge them to use their willpower to not go to the bathroom next time they have a case of diarrhea.

Despite addiction being an illness there is an issue which I call the Disease Addiction Conundrum. We have to treat the sufferer but we can’t use all the methods we would use for other diseases. It’s something the many in the medical/science community cannot wrap their heads around. I often here about certain medications touted as the cure to alcoholism/addiction. In the case of alcoholism some in the medical community are putting forward naproxen as a way to curb the cravings for alcohol. When I first went to my doctor for help he put me on this and it had no effect. If you look closely at the studies when naproxen does work it’s curbing drinking cravings in people who consume very little alcohol on a daily and/or weekly basis. It would have no use in trying to help the alcoholic of the “hopeless variety” that the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was written for. A similar medication is called Baclofen.

Another “miracle” drug being put forward is Topirmate. This pharmaceutical works on the part of the brain that acts impulsively. Many alcoholics/addict have a feeling they don’t like (e.g. – anger; sadness; anxiety) they want to change that feeling and instead of thinking of options they go on their first instinct and use what worked in the past – self-medicating through drugs and/or alcohol. Topirmate is supposed to affect the part of the brain where this impulse control occurs. Tests have shown patients who take it do not act on their first instinct to use when they have a feeling they don’t like, but rather, to pause and consider options before proceeding.

I’m not against these types of medications. I say the more help one has the better. But I would only suggest people use them as a secondary part of what has been proven time and again to work at putting the disease of addiction into remission. That would be a 12 Step Program.

The reason many in the medical community are trying to invent their way into a cure rather than rely on the proven 12 Step remedy is because the 12 Steps have a component which can’t be quantified and is beyond the realm of science. That component is spirituality. The 12 Steps already have the psychological component of cognitive behavioural therapy in treating addiction. That is changing one’s thinking and behaviours in a more healthy direction. What Alcoholics Anonymous did (and the Fellowships who followed its lead) is ad a spiritual component stating that probably no human power on earth could “relieve [one] of [his] alcoholism but a [higher power] could and would if sought” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1939). Anecdotally speaking myself, and countless, others sought help through doctors, psychiatrists and counsellors to no avail. It wasn’t until we embraced a power greater than ourselves, having a spiritual awakening, that we were able to put our addiction into remission.  The Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous defines a spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction].

Once an addict has a firm foundation in recovery (minimum six months) then they can begin to tackle other issues such as PTSD, other trauma, a proper mental health diagnosis, etc. The 12 Steps programs do not reject science but use it as an adjunct to the program.

Other medications are being used to treat drug addiction such as methadone or suboxone for opiates but in my humble opinion this is a money making industry and does not provide actual freedom from addiction. (See: http://onedaveatatime.blogspot.ca/2015/05/methadone-silent-killer-greedy-industry.html)

Until science embraces something it can’t quantify there will continue be a division between medicine and spirituality.

Dave the Dude