Relapse: Chronic or otherwise

I'm a person of long-term recovery and have been in addictions counselling for several years. The disease of addiction is an epidemic (if not a pandemic) in our society. Only a small percentage of addicts/alcoholics make it to treatment and/or 12 Step rooms and of those even fewer succeed.

There is no credible treatment centre which will guarantee permanent recovery. Treatment of addiction, be it in a facility or in a 12 Step fellowship, cannot be guaranteed.  It's not like taking a pill for an illness. I often look around at people who I know are trying their best but still don't make it and often wonder why I got recovery and they didn't. The only conclusion I can come to is from a slogan heard in many 12 Step rooms which is: but for the Grace of God go I. Grace is an unmerited gift and for some reason the gift of recovery was bestowed upon me. Not to say that I didn't or don't continue to do a helluva of a lot of work to get and maintain my recovery.

Having said this here are some common themes and/or traits I see in people who have relapsed and/or are chronic relapsers:

1) Stop Doing the Do Things: What are the "do things"? Join a 12 Step fellowship (e.g. - Alcoholics Anonymous; Cocaine Anonymous; Narcotics Anonymous; etc). Join an home group within that fellowship and get active in that group. Get a sponsor and work the Steps, in order and without delay. Go to as many meetings as you can. Pray to a higher power of your own understanding.

When people relapse the first thing they say they stopped doing was all of the above. People get better by doing the "do things" and as a result they get their lives back. This means they get a job, they start getting busy with family and/or a social life. All the things we threw away due to our addiction we now get back. That is what we want, however, if you get too busy with all of the stuff you regained and begin to neglect taking the medicine that got you that you will soon relapse.

2) Blaming the Program for Your Failure: I often see this with people on their fourth, fifth, or more, stint in treatment. You'll often hear them say I tried AA but it didn't work for me so I need to try something else. If pressed they will often admit that they didn't do any of the "do things" that I just mentioned. The person would go to a meeting here and there. They would get to the meeting a minute before and leave right after without talking to any fellow addicts/alcoholics or getting involved in anything. If I have a bug and the doctor prescribes me medicine that I only take once in a blue moon thus ensuring I don't get better then it's not the medicine's fault but my own for not following proper directions.

3. My Problem is A so I can do B: First timers in treatment will often come in because a specific drug has caused and they think they don't have an issue with other drugs. I learned that I couldn't get rid of a cocaine problem if I kept drinking alcohol. Many people come into treatment and/or 12 Step rooms thinking that as long as they don't drink they can still smoke marijuana. The problem here is that when we take another mind altering substance it will lower our inhibitions and will often lead us back to our drug of choice. Addiction is not a using or drinking disease it's a thinking disease and our use is but a symptom of a bigger problem. If we continue to alter our minds we will never solve our real problems. Abstinence is a must.

4. AA is the Only Thing That Can Help: In any movement there are some hard core people. Alcoholics Anonymous is not any different. We usually call people who refuse to believe that other things, on top of the Program, can also be beneficial 'bleeding deacons'. They will stand at the front of the rooms and mock things like yoga, hypno-therapy, exercise, acupuncture etc. What they are really doing is going against the advice they give newcomers when discussing a higher power - keep an open mind. In the Spiritual Appendix of the Big Book it ends with a quote by Herbert Spencer. The quote says that "contempt prior to investigation" will leave a person in everlasting ignorance.

5. Treatment Will Cure Me: Some people think that a 30 day stint in treatment will cure them. First of all there is no cure from addiction. There is only remission from the disease. Secondly, recovery is like building a house and treatment is where you lay the foundation. It's up to you to continue to work on building the frame, etc. once you leave treatment. Some people often think that a three day stint at a detox centre is treatment - this is wrong for obvious reasons.

These are just a few of the common mistake I see in people wishing for a life of recovery.

Recovery is all about change and if one doesn't change then his/her dry date will.

Dave the Dude

Let's Concentrate on Stuff that Matters

A recent court ruling has given a Muslim woman permission to wear the niqab at the swearing in ceremony for Canadian Citizenship. Despite this ruling the Harper government may challenge the ruling, wasting a ton of taxpayers' money on a non-issue.

The lady in question has already removed her niqab for the test and other pertinent, identity establishing, aspects of the process. The ceremony itself does not need for her to show her face. In fact, one of the laws in Canada is freedom to celebrate one's own culture/religion at the swearing in ceremony. This is part of Canada's on-going promotion of multiculturalism.

Canada is heading towards an election and each party is looking for votes. Could this move by the Harper government be merely a move to pander to the racist voters of Quebec? I believe so. For decades politicians have been trying to appease the nationalistic, jingoistic, Quebecers. This pandering often goes against the basic ideals of the majority of Canadians yet it goes on. The close mindedness of our Quebec partners will continue to set us at odds with one another. I don't see an end to this type of indulgence politicians give to Quebecers.

But I digress. Even though according to many Muslims (most notably author and journalist Tarek Fatah) the niqab is not even a part of the Muslim religion but a tribal belief, this is Canada, and we do not have fashion laws. We have fascist language police in some provinces but so far no fashion police. If we did have fashion police don't you think a better objective would be to make those kids pull their damn pants up?!!

I've been hearing a lot of callers on TalkRadio call the niqab and other Muslim dress unCanadian. It makes me think about how my own ancestors felt when their strange Jewish garb was looked down upon when they first emigrated to Canada. Today it's not strange at all to see orthodox Jews walking the streets of Toronto.

(This is a pic of my Great Grandfather. An Orthodox Jew from Poland).

Let's stop wasting time and energy on this foolish endeavour and get back to solving the real issues of this nation: economy, jobs, health care and real threats to our security.

Dave the Dude

Keep An Open Mind: AA Has No Monopoly

For those in recovery keeping an open mind is very important. Prior to my recovery I had a closed mind to most everything. It was closed to suggestions that my drinking my be getting in the way of my life. It was closed to the idea that there may be some sort of higher power. It was closed to the idea that I had to look inward for happiness rather than outward. Once I reached a mental, emotional and spiritual rock bottom I was able to open my mind to those ideas and start to get better.

I've learned over the years that the Keeping An Open Mind is just as important in long-term recovery as it is in early recovery. Being around AAers for as long as I have I've been seeing that some have closed their minds to everything outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. In the Foreword to the Second Edition of the Big Book it states, "upon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we surely have no monopoly". To me this says we do not close our minds to non-AAers who are trying to help the still suffering alcoholic. Bill Wilson formed great relationships with non-alcoholics such as Dr. Silkworth and Dr. Carl Jung. He was not closed minded to what they had to say even though they did not have the experience he did.

Don't get me wrong if it were not for Alcoholics Anonymous I would surely be dead (if not physically than spiritually) and no one can reach an alcoholic like a fellow alcoholic. Despite this I have been heavily influenced as I trudged the road of Happy Destiny by people who were not alcoholic and had achieved a spiritual, recovered, life in a journey that did not inovolve the 12 Steps. These people helped me see my character defects in a light that I hadn't before. They allowed me to increase my self-awareness and improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power.

When I hear fellow AAers put a person's opinion down because they are not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous it makes me cringe. For that is as much a closed mind as I had prior to finding the rooms of AA. Who am I to judge another person's spirituality and way of life? I was taught to Live and Let Live. I run my program and allow others to run theirs be it a 12 Step one or otherwise. The same goes for the AAers I hear at the front of the rooms who mock treatment centres. I know many the AAer who got his or her introduction to recovery through a treatment centre and are successful in their recovery today. The farther I'm from my last drink the closer I am to my next one. Keeping an Open Mind helps me stay away from that next drink.

Dave the Dude

Slogans

In many 12 Step meetings you will see what are called slogans displayed on the wall. In my area we often have people give their interpretation of slogans - what the saying means to them and how they work these into their lives. Here are some of my favourites with my own interpretation.

Keep an Open Mind:
Often people come into a 12 Step meeting and after seeing or hearing the word God their mind shuts down and they don't listen to what is being said. I have to keep an open mind in order to grow and change. If I don't change my dry date will. Luckily for me when I entered my first 12 Step meeting I had hit such a rock bottom that my mind was open and I was willing to listen to anything and do anything those helping me wanted me to do. Keeping an open mind is especially important as I earn more and more clean time. There's a saying, the farther I'm away from my last drink the closer I am to my next. This tells me not to rest on my laurels and to keep an open mind that I still don't have all the answers.

Remember When:
Remember when allows to me keep identifying with the newcomer (a new person walking into the 12 Step rooms for the first time). I remember when I couldn't go two hours without a drink or drug. I remember being selfish and self-centered. I remember walking into my first meeting shaking and scared. Remember when is a good tool to help with my recovery but it won't keep me sober. Part of the disease of addiction is that when I want to use my brain doesn't remember the bad stuff that happened only that first drink or drug. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that, "the alcoholic cannot remember with sufficient force the pain or suffering of a month or a week ago. We are without defense against the first drink". I know that there will come a time in my life where the only thing between me and that next drink/drug is a higher power of my own understanding.

Keep it Simple:
Alcoholics/addicts are people who like to complicate things. We'll take the simplest thing and worry/analyze the hell out of it. I have to keep things simple. When it comes to working the 12 Steps I keep it simple by following the directions laid down in the Big Book. I don't read between the lines. I only read the black lettering not the white spaces.

First Things First:
The first thing in my life I have to remember is my sobriety comes before anything. It comes before family, friends and work. The reason for this is that without my sobriety I won't have family, friends or work. I have proven over and over again that when I'm actively drinking/using the only thing I care about is self-medicating.

Around the Fellowship or In The Fellowship:
I have to be a part of the Fellowship. There are three things that help me remain sober: recovery (the 12 Steps); Unity (the Fellowship); Service (helping others). I have to remain part of a fellowship for I could not stay sober by myself. When I am around fellow alcoholic/addicts I am with people who understand me and my crazy thinking. I always tell newcomers that when I got sober I would come a half-an-hour early to meetings and stay for a bit afterwards. This was so I could talk to others and either share or listen to a problem. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Under Every Dress There is a SLIP (Sobriety Loses It's Priority):
A slip means one has relapsed, fallen off the wagon, picked up, etc. etc. A good rule of thumb is to not enter into a new relationship the first year of sobriety. Relationships can cause great stress and turmoil and if one is not sufficiently grounded then a relationship could lead to relapse. (The female equivalent of this slogan is: Under Every Pair of Trousers is a Lower Power).


One Day at A Time:
Perhaps the most famous slogan, One Day at a Time, reminds me that I can go a whole day without self-medicating. My first two attempts at sobriety did not work because I was always worried about what I was going to do when I couldn't drink/drug on my birthday, holidays, etc. It wasn't until I realized that I only had to worry about going 24 hours without self-medicating because my birthday, holidays etc. had not come yet. I was wasting energy on tomorrow and not living in the present. I have to remember I'm a human being not a human doing.

These are just a few of the great slogans I've seen over the years that I have been in long-term recovery. But for the Grace of God go I.
Dave the Dude