Stop Turning off the Newcomer

I’ve worked in several treatment centres in the last 10 years or so. One thing they all have in common is that they allow clients to go to outside 12 Step meetings. I know when I went to treatment leaving the centre to attend meetings was an important aspect of my treatment as it got me used to going to meetings and feeling comfortable at them. Most 12 Step groups welcome newcomers from treatment centres with open arms but I have noticed some disturbing trends, particularly with some groups within Alcoholics Anonymous, that are turning newcomers off of AA.

I always make it a point to ask clients returning from meetings how they liked it. For the most part the clients report a positive experience but every so often I hear about a negative experience that should never have happened.

A common negative experience is the newcomer feeling put down by a regular AA member when sharing at a discussion meeting. The client will share how they are enjoying their treatment and the beginnings of their recovery. For most people this would be encouraged but for some reason, every so often, some bitter AA member will cross-talk stating that the client/newcomer doesn’t know what recovery is because they are wrapped in a bubble and that when they leave treatment they’ll be in for a fight. Every time I hear this I just shake my head. First of all when sharing at a meeting I’ve been taught to talk about myself and my own experience. I’m not there to give advice on someone else’s situation, especially as I have no idea of the whole picture. Secondly, I go to meetings to offer hope to newcomers not to dissuade them from continuing the journey. Sure there’s hard parts of recovery as life can be hard at times and I have shared the hard times I’ve had in recovery but I’ve also shared how I overcame those hard times through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 Steps and my Higher Power.

There seems to be a trend by some members of Alcoholics Anonymous to dump on treatment centres. I often hear comments such as, “why go pay thousands to go treatment when you can get it here for free?” Well, with some of the things I’ve heard members say to newcomers it might be a good thing that they are forced to go to meetings while in a 21, 28, 35, etc. day program so the newcomer can experience different meetings and realize that one bad experience does not the Fellowship make.

Another frequent statement I hear from clients is an AA member telling them they are not welcome at the meeting because they introduced themselves as an addict. I fully understand the Primary Purpose (http://onedaveatatime.blogspot.ca/2015/12/its-not-all-about-you.html) and respect it. However, a newcomer is ignorant to the traditions and can be allowed some leeway at the beginning. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. If someone identifies as an addict because they consider drinking and drugging all part of addiction (which scientifically it actually is) it’s not our job to tell them to go elsewhere. Especially, if we are guiding them to a different fellowship that doesn’t have that great of a record of recovery. I would be willing to bet that ½ the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is cross-addicted  but no one is asking them to leave.

I attended my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on January 7, 2005 and haven’t seen the need to pick up a drink or drug since. I can’t say what exactly was said at that first meeting (most likely some First Step experiences were shared) but I do remember that I left with a little bit of hope and the knowledge that what I needed to know was written in what everyone in attendance called the Big Book. Everyone at that meeting welcomed me when I arrived and I was swarmed afterward and offered encouragement to keep coming back. When I asked where to get the Big Book I was invited to a meeting the next day and was told by the guy (who would later become a great friend) that he would get me one. I was even told about a great 12 Step themed treatment centre in my area which I ended up attending and that helped lay the foundation for my future recovery.

My usual comment to clients/newcomers when they have had a negative experience at a 12 Step meeting is to advise them not to judge the Fellowship as a whole based on that one experience. Sometimes the person takes my advice and sometimes they don’t – which is crying shame.

Dave the Dude

Antiquated Treatment Rules

I’ve been to three addiction treatment centres as a client (third one was the charm) and have worked at four different ones since becoming an addictions counsellor. As a result I feel I have a pretty good grasp of what works and what doesn’t.  All treatment centres, especially residential ones, have various rules and regulations. In my experience a lot of these rules/regulations are either outdated or make no sense at all. Here is a list of rules/regulations that I would change (this is not a commentary on actual programming for as I’ve also discovered different programs work for different people).

1)      No hats to be worn inside: Many treatment centres still have this rule.  There was a time (probably decades ago) where wearing a hat inside was considered disrespectful. However, times have changed and most people no longer care if someone wears a hat indoors. I’ve found that it’s a pain in the ass enforcing this antiquated regulation.

2)      No cell phones: Every centre I’ve worked at does not allow clients to have cell phones on their person. As technology progresses it has become easier for clients to hide cell phones.  One of the reasons behind this rule was to prevent clients from calling former drugs dealers and set up drop offs. Another, more pertinent, reason for no cell phones is that if someone is constantly in touch with the outside world they can be easily distracted from what they have come to treatment to work on – getting clean and sober. The former reason seems to be a moot point as clients often have access to either a pay phone or unsupervised access to a house phone at various times while in treatment. The best solution I have observed for this is to allow clients access to their cellular phones once or twice a day for a limited period. I feel this takes away the need for a client to hide his phone and gets rid of the burden placed on staff to constantly try to catch clients who have hid phones. Smart clients never get caught while the less intellectually inclined often do. I remember a client’s cell phone going off during one of my group sessions. I couldn’t help but think that if you’re going to hide a phone at least turn the damn ringer off. SMH.

3)      No caffeinated coffee: To me this rule is a joke and a hindrance to recovery. The reasoning behind not allowing caffeinated coffee is so that clients who are addicted to stimulants (e.g. – cocaine; meth) won’t use coffee to try to simulate the effect these drugs gave them. However, the places I’ve seen who limit or ban caffeinated coffee still have tea so the clients who want caffeine just overload on that beverage. Or when clients go to a 12 Step meeting or have a pass they chug down loads of coffee. Coffee is an accepted social lubricant in North American society – a much less destructive social lubricant than alcohol. I have yet to come across a person who is stealing, selling their bodies or ignoring their families to score a cup of caffeinated Joe. Let the clients have their caffeine (while you enjoy your own - as everywhere I work the staff regularly drink this caffeinated refreshment).

4)      No cigarettes: Several provincial withdrawal centres and some treatment centres have banned smoking. To me this is ridiculous. I agree smoking is not healthy. I quit as I was on the road to COPD. However, the early stages of recovery are extremely stressful and taking away a non-mind altering (in the intoxication sense) substance that helps relieve stress is cruel and unusual treatment. Not at all in line with the client-centred approach of best practices.

These are just few rules/regulations that, in my humble opinion, are antiquated and need to be gone from the treatment centre scene.

Dave the Dude

Anything But Gratitude as a Topic

Happy 2016 loyal reader, I might as well start off the year offending someone (as being offended seeded to be all the rage in 2015). So here goes…

A good friend of mine and I have an ongoing joke about starting a 12 Step discussion meeting called, “The Anything but “Gratitude” as a Topic Group. The reason behind the joke is that we find gratitude meetings extremely irritating. The reason being is that we believe that gratitude is shown by our actions and that one shouldn’t be sharing about it (as it is a program of humility). A person should be showing his/her gratitude by doing some sort of service work. Be it service work in the Fellowship, within the community or within one’s family. Gratitude comes in many forms.

It is common, at least in my area, for 12 Step groups to hold gratitude meetings at this time of year. I hadn’t gone to one in probably five years but went this year as I needed a meeting. What I discovered is that the same thing is being said around the table today as it was 11 years ago when I first got into recovery. There’s a group of people who sit around the table sharing what they are grateful for – be it family, sobriety, health, etc. – and that it never would have happened if not for Alcoholics Anonymous. Then there are others who share that they don’t talk about gratitude but show it by helping others. All of this is fine and dandy and a great sentiment but it tends to become a tad bit tedious.

While this type of meetings makes most people feel good I have a hard time seeing how it helps the still suffering alcoholic. For isn’t our primary purpose to help those suffering from alcoholism (or addiction in the case of other Fellowships)?

May everyone’s year filled with continuous sobriety and prosperity.

Dave the Dude