Alcoholism is a strange disease. It's the only disease that tells the person suffering from it that he/she does not have it. It causes a person to go into a state of denial so deep that one cannot differentiate the truth from the false. The first person to consider alcoholism a disease, rather than a lack of morals or will power, was Dr. William Silkworth of Towns Hosptial, Manhattan. As a result of his work Silkworth influenced Alcoholics Anonymous' co-founder Bill Wilson and AA as a whole. He was invited to write an introductory letter to the book Alcoholics Anonymous (commonly known as The Big Book) which remains a part of the textbook since its publication in 1939.
For lack of a better word Silkworth called the physical aspect of the disease of alcoholism an allergy. When an alcoholic takes a drink of alcohol he/she cannot stop drinking on their own. The alcoholic himself is as bewildered by this phenomenon as is the observer. Many the time an alcoholic will sincerely promise his loved ones that he will only have a couple and end up drinking the night away. When asked why he just can't stop at a few the alcoholic, who stops lying and/or rationalizing, will have no answer. One in 10 people are born an alcoholic.
For some reason the alcoholic does not have an enzyme that breaks down the chemical compound Acetone (C3H60) which alcohol contains. So while a regular person drinks alcohol the Acetone dissipates where as in the alcoholic it continues to build up in his system. One of the side effects of Acetone is that it makes a person 'crave' more alcohol. To wit the alcoholic continues to drink until something stops him (i.e. - he runs out of money; runs out of booze; passes out; etc.).
Science may have explained the phenomenon of craving but it has yet to shed light on one of the confusing aspects of the disease - it's ability to progress even though the sufferer has stopped drinking. There's a saying in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous: While I'm in here (referring to a meeting) my disease is out there doing push-ups in the parking lot. A person may have put the disease into remission (not just the physical aspect but the mental aspect as well) but the disease is still there and it progresses rather than getting weaker. Simply put if a person with five years of sobriety were to pick up a drink they would not drink as someone who has never drank, they will pick up as if they had been drinking steadily for the past five years. The Big Book calls alcohol, 'cunning, baffling and powerful'. As any alcohol will tell that statement describes alcoholism to a tee.
I recently had a reminder myself that the disease is still within me. The other day I was shopping in my local grocery store when I looked over and saw a woman standing outside of the wine kiosk holding a sign. The sign read, "Free Wine Samples". The first thought that came to mind was, "wow free wine. I've got to take advantage of that!". Luckily the second thought came into my head reminded me that I'm an alcoholic and that first thought would not be a good idea. The alcoholic, indeed the addict, has to be ever vigilant to keep his disease in check.
Dave the Dude
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Making Amends
Many people in recovery like to say that the 12 Steps is a simple program for complicated people. I disagree with that. I feel the 12 Steps are a simple program for people who like to complicate things. Our ego likes to make us feel we're different than others and so people think they are complicated. However, I believe, that it is the ego that causes many to take simple things and turn them into a complicated mess.
This exact thing often occurs with Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people [we had made a list in Step Eight) wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Here are simple tips to help one with Step Nine:
First of all it's number nine for a reason. Many people (I was guilty of this myself) are fresh in recovery and are feeling so good that they want to jump from Step One all the way to Step Nine. This can be very dangerous. When we are in Step One we are still sick, still in the disease, and have not yet begun to work on the solution. As a result we are still vulnerable to the unmanageability of our feelings thus in danger of relapse. Being so vulnerable we are not ready to have an amends be rejected. We have not yet learned, through Steps Four and Five, that our resentments are based in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone, etc. We have not yet learned, that as a result of these fears, we suffer various character defects and we have not yet begun to rid or reduce these character defects within ourselves. It is this fact that makes it fool-hearty to jump from Step One to Nine.
When approaching Step Nine one must also remember that it is a Step of selflessness. We do not approach this Step looking for anything in return. That is, we do not expect to be forgiven nor do we expect someone to apologize to us. If we are not ready to accept this then we have not fully completed Step Eight. We must remember that the reason we are making amends is to clear our conscience of any wrong doings. We are cleaning our side of the street without worry of anyone else's side of the street.
Part of Step Nine is making amends except when to do so would injure them or others. This means we do not cause damage to other people just to ease our own pain. E.G. - if one had an affair with a married person you would not apologize to that person's spouse thus getting that person in trouble. This would be considered selfish on our part - the exact opposite of what we are trying to do. We must also remember that the, injuring others, aspect also applies to ourselves. We do not make amends if it will threaten our own sobriety or our ability to provide for our family. This aspect of Step Nine can be tough to navigate and makes it especially important to review your amends with your sponsor prior to making them.
In Step Eight you are making your list of people (or institutions) and becoming willing to make amends to them all. Some people have certain names on that list they feel they will never be able to make amends to. My suggestion is to make three columns. Under the first column place the names of everyone you have no doubts about making amends to. Under the second column place the names of people you are wary about and under the third column place the names of you feel you will never be able to make amends to. Start with the first column. By the time you are done with that you will probably be ready for the second column and by the time you have completed that the third column will not be to difficult.
By keeping things simple this Step should not be too daunting a task. Hoping this will help you further your journey as you, "trudge the road of Happy Destiny". May I meet you along the route.
Dave the Dude
This exact thing often occurs with Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people [we had made a list in Step Eight) wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Here are simple tips to help one with Step Nine:
First of all it's number nine for a reason. Many people (I was guilty of this myself) are fresh in recovery and are feeling so good that they want to jump from Step One all the way to Step Nine. This can be very dangerous. When we are in Step One we are still sick, still in the disease, and have not yet begun to work on the solution. As a result we are still vulnerable to the unmanageability of our feelings thus in danger of relapse. Being so vulnerable we are not ready to have an amends be rejected. We have not yet learned, through Steps Four and Five, that our resentments are based in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone, etc. We have not yet learned, that as a result of these fears, we suffer various character defects and we have not yet begun to rid or reduce these character defects within ourselves. It is this fact that makes it fool-hearty to jump from Step One to Nine.
When approaching Step Nine one must also remember that it is a Step of selflessness. We do not approach this Step looking for anything in return. That is, we do not expect to be forgiven nor do we expect someone to apologize to us. If we are not ready to accept this then we have not fully completed Step Eight. We must remember that the reason we are making amends is to clear our conscience of any wrong doings. We are cleaning our side of the street without worry of anyone else's side of the street.
Part of Step Nine is making amends except when to do so would injure them or others. This means we do not cause damage to other people just to ease our own pain. E.G. - if one had an affair with a married person you would not apologize to that person's spouse thus getting that person in trouble. This would be considered selfish on our part - the exact opposite of what we are trying to do. We must also remember that the, injuring others, aspect also applies to ourselves. We do not make amends if it will threaten our own sobriety or our ability to provide for our family. This aspect of Step Nine can be tough to navigate and makes it especially important to review your amends with your sponsor prior to making them.
In Step Eight you are making your list of people (or institutions) and becoming willing to make amends to them all. Some people have certain names on that list they feel they will never be able to make amends to. My suggestion is to make three columns. Under the first column place the names of everyone you have no doubts about making amends to. Under the second column place the names of people you are wary about and under the third column place the names of you feel you will never be able to make amends to. Start with the first column. By the time you are done with that you will probably be ready for the second column and by the time you have completed that the third column will not be to difficult.
By keeping things simple this Step should not be too daunting a task. Hoping this will help you further your journey as you, "trudge the road of Happy Destiny". May I meet you along the route.
Dave the Dude
Monday, March 16, 2015
One Dave At A Time: Spirituality for the Layman
One Dave At A Time: Spirituality for the Layman: A big part of 12 Step recovery is spirituality. To the majority of newcomers this is a very scary concept. A newcomer will often walk in the...
Spirituality for the Layman
A big part of 12 Step recovery is spirituality. To the majority of newcomers this is a very scary concept. A newcomer will often walk in the room, see the 12 Steps with words like "God", Higher Power" and "Spiritual Awakening" and close their minds immediately. This is especially true of the one who is trying to get help before they have lost everything. However for recovery purposes spirituality is extremely important for success.
A bit of history. The 12 Steps of Recovery derive from the six steps created by an organization called The Oxford Group. This organization practiced First Century non-denominational Christianity. Both co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, belonged to The Oxford Group long before meeting one another. When Wilson sat down to write Alcoholics Anonymous (aka: The Big Book) he turned those six steps into the 12 we are familiar with today. Prior to getting sober Bill was visited by a long-time drinking buddy named Ebby. Ebby had found sobriety through the Oxford Group. Like the newcomer who sees the word "God" and closes their mind so to did Bill when Ebby stated that he had gotten sober by finding God. Bill's mind opened a bit when Ebby suggested that Bill find a God (Higher Power) of his own understanding. During Bill's last stint at Towns Hospital for alcohol withdrawal he had a spiritual awakening. A white light shone upon Bill through a window and he lost his obsession with alcohol. His doctor, Dr. Silkworth, couldn't tell Bill what had occurred but told him that whatever it was Bill better hang onto it.
The Big Book tells the story of an alcoholic who sought out one of the most brilliant psychiatrists of his day (Dr. Carl Jung). After seeing Jung and relapsing the alcoholic asked Jung if there was any hope for him. Jung explained to the alcoholic that the only successful cases he had ever seen were people who became sober through some time of spiritual awakening. This gave the alcoholic hope and he ended up having his spiritual awakening and remained sober until his death.
Many people confuse spirituality with religion. They are not at all alike. While religion is a group of people who are told what type of higher power they should believe in as well as being told to follow a certain set of rules, spirituality is the opposite. Not to say that someone who finds spirituality through religion is wrong - they are not. That is just one of the many ways people have found their way to spirituality. Religion can be seen as a vessel that carries a certain type of spirituality but not everyone has to drink out of that vessel. Spirituality can come in many different vessels.
The Big Book defines a spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]. Basically a person was acting one way (selfish, self-centred, self-will running riot) and changed their ways in a more positive fashion (selfless, deflation of ego, letting go of self-will) to bring about recovery. For example, prior to finding recovery I was a liar, manipulator cheater and a thief. In recovery I strive to be the opposite of all that. I am vigorously honest, I let situations play out rather than attempting to manipulate them towards an outcome I want and I treat people the way I would want them to treat me.
One thing I have learned is that the majority of people coming into recovery have extremely huge egos. This usually translates into someone with very slow self-esteem. One has to be able to deflate the ego without tearing down the person. I came into recovery thinking I was right about everything, everyone else was the problem and alcohol was the issue. As I learned I was not right about everything (nor did I have to be), the majority of my problems were of my own making and that I had a thinking problem not a drinking problem my ego slowly deflated. However, I learned that I wasn't scum of the earth (thousands nay millions of people had done similar deeds as myself). I learned how to love myself and therefore I was able to love others and that I was a good person who had done some bad things (that I had to take responsibility for). Hence while my ego deflated my self-esteem grew. To me this is the basis of what spirituality is all about.
Dave the Dude
A bit of history. The 12 Steps of Recovery derive from the six steps created by an organization called The Oxford Group. This organization practiced First Century non-denominational Christianity. Both co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, belonged to The Oxford Group long before meeting one another. When Wilson sat down to write Alcoholics Anonymous (aka: The Big Book) he turned those six steps into the 12 we are familiar with today. Prior to getting sober Bill was visited by a long-time drinking buddy named Ebby. Ebby had found sobriety through the Oxford Group. Like the newcomer who sees the word "God" and closes their mind so to did Bill when Ebby stated that he had gotten sober by finding God. Bill's mind opened a bit when Ebby suggested that Bill find a God (Higher Power) of his own understanding. During Bill's last stint at Towns Hospital for alcohol withdrawal he had a spiritual awakening. A white light shone upon Bill through a window and he lost his obsession with alcohol. His doctor, Dr. Silkworth, couldn't tell Bill what had occurred but told him that whatever it was Bill better hang onto it.
The Big Book tells the story of an alcoholic who sought out one of the most brilliant psychiatrists of his day (Dr. Carl Jung). After seeing Jung and relapsing the alcoholic asked Jung if there was any hope for him. Jung explained to the alcoholic that the only successful cases he had ever seen were people who became sober through some time of spiritual awakening. This gave the alcoholic hope and he ended up having his spiritual awakening and remained sober until his death.
Many people confuse spirituality with religion. They are not at all alike. While religion is a group of people who are told what type of higher power they should believe in as well as being told to follow a certain set of rules, spirituality is the opposite. Not to say that someone who finds spirituality through religion is wrong - they are not. That is just one of the many ways people have found their way to spirituality. Religion can be seen as a vessel that carries a certain type of spirituality but not everyone has to drink out of that vessel. Spirituality can come in many different vessels.
The Big Book defines a spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]. Basically a person was acting one way (selfish, self-centred, self-will running riot) and changed their ways in a more positive fashion (selfless, deflation of ego, letting go of self-will) to bring about recovery. For example, prior to finding recovery I was a liar, manipulator cheater and a thief. In recovery I strive to be the opposite of all that. I am vigorously honest, I let situations play out rather than attempting to manipulate them towards an outcome I want and I treat people the way I would want them to treat me.
One thing I have learned is that the majority of people coming into recovery have extremely huge egos. This usually translates into someone with very slow self-esteem. One has to be able to deflate the ego without tearing down the person. I came into recovery thinking I was right about everything, everyone else was the problem and alcohol was the issue. As I learned I was not right about everything (nor did I have to be), the majority of my problems were of my own making and that I had a thinking problem not a drinking problem my ego slowly deflated. However, I learned that I wasn't scum of the earth (thousands nay millions of people had done similar deeds as myself). I learned how to love myself and therefore I was able to love others and that I was a good person who had done some bad things (that I had to take responsibility for). Hence while my ego deflated my self-esteem grew. To me this is the basis of what spirituality is all about.
Dave the Dude
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