Recovery: It's a Lifestyle not a Hobby

One of the biggest reasons, I see, for people relapsing is that they do not take the disease of addiction serious enough. Addiction is the only disease that tricks the afflicted into thinking they don’t have it. Once a person has that moment of clarity and realizes that he cannot safely take a drink or drug it is imperative that he jumps into recovery and puts as much, if not more, energy into recovering as he did into his addiction.

When I was actively drinking and using I spent most of my day obsessing over getting drunk and high. Where was I going to get what I needed? How much was I going to get? Was I going to have enough? How would I plan my day around getting what I needed? When I did obtain my alcohol/drugs I was never satisfied. I was always worried about where I would get my next drink/drug. I’d be at a bar with a drink in front of me and instead of enjoying that drink I would be worried that I wouldn’t get one in time to continue drinking once the current one was done. And so the obsession was a never-ending circle of worry. That is a lot of energy for one to expend. When I leaped into recovery I started going to a meeting every day (sometimes two) as I drank and used every day. I had to embrace recovery as a life style. I took the spiritual principles of 12 Step recovery (that I learned as I worked the Steps) and put them into practice in all aspects of my life.

The problem with many people today who are struggling to remain sober is that they are treating recovery as a hobby rather than a lifestyle. Prior to recovery my whole life was about that next drink or drug. If I am to continue to be successful with recovery I must ensure that my whole life is about staying recovered.

There’s a reason that the 12^th Step of recovery includes the line, “…practice these principles in all of our affairs.” It’s because we must integrate our new spiritual way of living into all aspects of our life. It’s easy to practice spirituality in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous for a couple hours a night but it is much harder to bring that conviction into every-day life.

I’m not saying that one has to go to a meeting every day for the rest of one’s life. In early recovery, when one is still vulnerable, I highly recommend it, but as one gets some stability in her recovery she can balance the meetings out as she would all aspects of her life (social; recovery; emotional/mental; physical; spiritual). Part of recovery is doing the 12 Steps (it’s not the meetings you make but the Steps you take) and putting those Steps into action every day.

I was never a part-time alcoholic/addict and I cannot be a part-time person of long-term recovery.

Dave the Dude

Methadone - The Silent Killer: A greedy industry indeed

Let me start out by stating that my opinions on this issue are strictly anecdotal in nature. They come from my observations during my tenure in the industry of addiction.

Methadone is part of the whole harm reduction movement that has gained a foothold in government run addiction treatment centres and for many in the medical profession. Harm reductionists (as I refer to them) contend that it is better to have a person reduce her intake of a drug and/or switch to another type to reduce harm to herself. I contend that if harm reductionists were honest the reduce in harm they are talking about is to society as a whole. By switching a person from heroin to methadone the person will not be stealing from society to pay for their opiates. By having a clean needle exchange addicts will not be leaving dirty needles for the general public to stumble over. This is all well and good but let us not kid ourselves into believing that it is for the good of the addict. The addict is still using and still dependent on a substance. The addict is still changing his goals to meet his behaviours rather than changing his behaviours to meet his goals.

When I entered recovery and lost the obession over drugs and alcohol I gained the freedom to make my own decisions. I was no longer obsessed with self-medicating to deal with life on life's terms. I changed my behaviours so that I could recover from a deadly disease. Recover I did. Now I am able to make decisions and face the consequences of those decisions. The person who is practising harm reduction has no freedom from a substance and will forever be tied to it as long as they are not practicing abstinence.

Let's take a look at methadone. Methadone is a drug that opiate addicts take instead of heroin, Oxycontin, etc. It provides her body with what the drug she was using did without harming it any further. This form of harm reduction has grown into a huge money making industry for the medical and pharmaceutical communities. As an addictions counsellor, who works in an abstinent based facility, I find we are continuously at odds with these communities in weaning people off of methadone and into a true recovery. These so called medical pracitioners who prescribe methadone tend to make it extremely difficult for a person who wants to wean off the substance from doing so. They will give little to no cooperation with the patient or the facility trying to help the patient.

One of the main contentions that harm reductionists make is that this policy is what the patient wants AKA client-centrered. To me this is the most backward type of thinking there is. If I am sick I go to my phsycian to see his professinal opinion on how to treat the illness. I don't tell him what I want to be done. I am not the expert. When someone seeks professional help in dealing with an addiction she doesn't know the way to deal with it so why would we ask her what she wants to do. Saying this the harm reductionists who practise this type of client-centered therapy are being hypocritical when they refuse to help a  patient who wants to get off of methadone The only reason I can see for this lack of help in improving a person's life is that if the person gets better than the pocket book of that physician will get smaller.

Just my humble opinion.
Dave the Dude

AA Meeting Therapy?

Lately I've been hearing a lot of judgement about the way people share at 12 Step discussion meetings. Particuarly, open topic meetings. The criticism seems to surround those who share a particular problem at a meeting rather than sharing the experience with a certain Step, Tradition, etc. It's being dubbed "Meeting Therapy". 

I benefited greatly from open topic meetings when I first started coming around the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would share a problem and learn how other people dealt with that problem. Dealt with it without having to take a drink or drug. It was in these types of meetings that I was able to share honestly where I had nowhere else to share.

I remember during being at a men's discussion meeting sharing that I was hanging around a female newcomer (I too was newcomer but had a few more months than she) who was still drinking. I was rationalizing this behaviour by saying I was trying to help her to quit drinking. Well, I got blasted at that meeting by my fellow alcoholics. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was endangering my recvovery and setting msyself up for relapse. I had to take a clear look at my ture motives for hanging around this lady and the truth quickly emerged - I was a horny newcomer. I stopped hanging around the person (other than at meetings) and got back on track after sharing this at that meeting. Who knows - the feedback I recieved may have saved may life. In early recovery and mid-recovery I was living with my father. I was making a living amends but at the same time I would often share at these meetings about difficulties I was having getting along with him. The wisdom given to me by those who had gone before me helped me improve my relationship with my dad. I learned acceptance, selflessness and a better understanding of the Serenity Prayer. All important facets to a 12 Step Program. It seems to me those who I hear criticizing these meetings would have heard me sharing these issues and dismissed me as a person who didn't want sobriety. Writing me off as a person who was using Alcoholics Anonymous as free therapy. 

I could see having issues if I kept returning to the same meetings, sharing the same problems without ever doing anything about it. That would mean I was being stagnant, living in the problem rather than the solution. I can see how that type of behaviour could merit some criticism to myself and those listening who weren't telling me to stop talking about it and change the situation. The thing is, from my expreience, this is not happening. When someone shares a problem they are given the experience by another who had a similar issue and how it was solved using the principles of the 12 Steps of Recvoery. 

I think every type of meeting has it's place. I learn from all types of meetings be they Big Book, 12X12, open topic or speaker. Often I have to ask myself, not what the meeting can bring me but what I can bring to the meeting? The same people who are criticising meeting therapy are putting down speaker meetings as well. I often hear people say you can't get anything from these meetings. I've been to many the speaker meeting where I was moved by either a reading, an interpretation of a slogan or the main speaker him/herself. Critics often put down speaker meetings as, "merely Fellowship" meetings. I can tell you along with the 12 Steps and service that Fellowship is a huge part of my recovery. When I first entered into recvoery I was carried on the shoulders of the Fellowship until I could stand on my own two feet and having completed the Steps call myself a grateful recovered alcoholic.

Dave the Dude

One Dave At A Time: Language of Recovery

One Dave At A Time: Language of Recovery: Like all cultures the culture of recovery has a language all to its own. Some of that language can be good and some can be dangerous as hell...

Language of Recovery

Like all cultures the culture of recovery has a language all to its own. Some of that language can be good and some can be dangerous as hell. The sayings we use and the cliches we state have come from all over. They've been handed down from old-timers to newcomers, developed in treatment centres and molded to fit into various Fellowships. When I first entered into Alcoholics Anonymous (and later began to work in the field of recovery) I had to learn this new language from scratch. But alcoholics/addicts are a smart lot and I soon got the gist.

I've already used one term above that means one thing to those in recovery and another to non-12 Steppers - that is old-timers. Old-timers refers to someone who has been in recover for many years. I've heard various opinions on the exact amount of years one needs to be considered an old-timer but the general consensus I've gotten has been around 20 years of continuous sobriety from all mind-altering substances.

Another word used here and there is the term "pigeons". A pigeon is a someone new to sobriety and a sponsor is someone who gets him/herself and new pigeon to take under his/her wing. Apparently some find this term offensive (we are a sensitive lot after all) but when I was a newcomer I took no offense.

Now we have the cliches that are spun throughout the rooms:

If you sit in a barber chair long enough you're going to get a hair cut. Translation: if you sit around a bar drinking Cokes you'll eventually take a drink.

Trust God. Clean House. Help Others. This is a three sentence description of the 12 Steps.

Terminally Unique. This term describes the person who thinks that he/she can lick this thing. Drink or drug like an Earth Person (translation: social drinker/user). I fell into this category prior to finding the rooms of AA. As I entered my first treatment centre I admitted that I had a cocaine problem but was determined to figure out how to drink normally. I didn't want to face the fact that I couldn't take another drink. This denial by me almost lead to my death (hence the word terminal) as I drank myself into a painful case of pancreatitis. Luckily for me I had the moment of clarity (the denial that I was an alcoholic went away) so that I could ask for help.

A dangerous saying that I hear from time-to-time is that, "relapse is a part of recovery". Depending on what the person who says this means it is either terribly wrong or correct. If the person means that taking another drink/drug is inevitable then run far away from this person. For that is leaving a "back door open" (setting oneself up) for taking a drink/drug. Now, if the person who says this statement is talking about a return to pre-recovery thinking and/or behaviours then he/she is correct. Our program is one of progress not perfection. I have often had a relapse of my "emotional sobriety" whereby I returned to my old ways of toxic reactions to people, places and things. Once this begins to happen (and it happens to the best of us) it's up to me to take notice of this and get back on track so that I don't pick up a drink/drug.

A term that has been introduced into recovery by treatment centres is "drug of choice". What's your drug of choice, people will be asked when they enter a facility. If it's one thing I've learned from addiction is that when it came to alcohol and drugs I did not have a choice. When I felt stressed - I took a drink. When I felt angry - I took a drink. When I felt happy - I took a drink. When I felt fear - I took a drink. I didn't decide to do this, the choice was already made as alcohol (and later crack) was the only tool I had to deal with life on life's terms. It wasn't until I completed the 12 Steps of Recovery which gave me a "personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]" (Big Book of AA), that I again had a choice. I could chose to continue on the spiritual path (the Fourth dimension) or chose to return to my old ways which would inevitably lead me to alcohol and destruction. The choice was mine. Recovery freed me from the bondage of self and the need to self-medicate.

Language is a powerful tool and what we say to newcomers can be helpful or send them back out (back out refers to picking up again). I remember early in my recovery I was having a tough time and someone asked me how I was doing. I told them I was a bit down and struggling. The person smiled at me and said, "turn it over that's what I do". Well I wanted to turn it over alright, turn the chair I was standing by over his head. I was just getting into Step Two, I hadn't turned anything over yet and while that person meant well it just gave me a resentment. Luckily I got over that in Step Four.

Resentment is another word that is bandied about. What exactly is a resentment? The root word of resentment is 'sentiment'. A sentiment is a feeling. To have a resentment is to relive a feeling. If I'm reliving a feeling then I'm stuck in the past and cannot be in the present. If I cannot be in the present then I'm in danger of relapse.  Simple once it's explained but darn confusing when you're new and people keep telling you to get over your resentments.

There is a cornucopia of different terms, sayings, cliches and slogans in recovery. But like recovery itself, you'll figure it out one day at a time. 

I'll end with the first agreement taken from The Toltec Spiritualist Miguel Ruiz: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Words are power. Be careful how you wield them.
Dave the Dude

You Know You are a Shwa 80s Child When...

There was an article going around Facebook recently listing 10 things people who grew up in Oshawa could relate to. Of the 10 I was able to relate to seven items. It got me thinking about when I grew up in the Oshawa. I was a teenager of the 1980s and here's a list of eight things I believe most of Oshawanians who grew up in the 80s could relate to.

1) Teen dances at the Red Barn. When I was around 16-years-old my buddies and I would spend every Friday night at the Red Barn aka The Red Shed. Usually used as a BINGO hall the Red Barn became a teenage dance hall filled with all the hot tunes of the day where teens could congregate, dance, laugh and hopefully meet that true love. I have fond memories of making the rounds of the Red Shed with my buddies checking out who we would ask to dance. I was also present the night of the battle betweend the metal heads and the funkers. Back then most people who went to this dance fell into the category of a metal head (i.e. - listening to heavy metal bands from Motorhead to Motely Crue) or funker (listened to rap music - as I was a metal head I cannot name any of those bands). There were the odd new wavers and goths but they tended to hang out elsewhere. Not only did these two groups have different tastes in music they also dressed differently and even danced differently. Well, one thing lead to another and for the week leading up to one Friday night there were rumours everywhere about a big fight between these two groups. Apparently there were even funkers and metal heads from Toronto coming into the Shwa to take part. I can remember during the night metal heads coming up to another saying they'd fight if they had to. My friends and I ended up being part of a group of people locked into the Simcoe Street Burger King while police got things under control. Apparently fights went on through to the wee hours between these two groups. According to my sources the metal heads won that night.

2) Fiesta and partying at the Civic Audoitorium. Every year Oshawa holds it's own type of Caribana in the form of Fiesta. It's a week long celebration of multiculturaism within the great metropolis. My friends and I would usually end up at the Oshawa Civic Auditorium listening to some cover band and drinking piss warm beer out of platic cups. But hey it was the thing to do.

3) Curly's. The night I turned 19-years-old my buds and I headed to Curly's to drink bear and load up on five cent chicken wings. Curlys was one of our favourite joints. If there wasn't a hockey game playin on the TV then there was a band taking to the stage. The band I remember most was a group of musicians called The Stumbling Blind. My bud's and I loved those guys. I remember being at Curly's the night Calgary beat The Montreal Canadiens to win the Stanley Cup. A good time was had by all, except for our one friend who is a die hard Habs fan.

4) It would be negligent of me to mention Curly's and not mention the anchor of Oshawa pubs - The Tartan Tavern. The Tartan Tavern would become my second home. In fact, it was the last bar I ever drank at prior to entering recovery. I'm sure there are tons of us who experienced singing along to Cat's in the Cradle as it played on the jukebox while we drank pints into the wee hours of the night. Although my friends and I were regulars at the Tartan the night that most of our generation went was Thursday night. There'd be a line up out the door. The Tartan also had a room in the back where a band would play and people could dance. I preferred the front room myself.

5) Illusions. Illusions was what I would call the first 'dance club' that came to Oshawa. It was downtown (now the home of a flooring store) and it was huge. Illusions was one of the first fad bars that came to the area. It was popular for awhile and then slowly faded into obscurity. It changed names a few times, once being called The Purple Onion, but then disappeared altogether.

6) Downtown, old-style, movie theatres. There was The Regent, The Odeon and the Parkwood (or something like that). The term blockbuster came about beause people would be lined-up around the block waiting for movies. This was the case in 1977 when Star Wars came to The Regent Theatre. I remember the line-ups for that, Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, E.T. and several others. These theatres played a big part in my current love of film.

7) General Motors. One cannot talk about Oshawa and not meniton GM. Despite the controversy that surrounds this company today it was a mainstay of my childhood and teen years. The factory I remember most was the one at Adelaide and Ritson (currently the site of CostCo, et al), With GM comes Parkwood, the home of GM Canada's founder Colonel R.S. McLaughlin. Parkwood was the first home in North America with it's own bowling alley and has been the site of many the flick and commercial.

8) The Oshawa Times. Prior to the garbage newspapers we have today that are given to us for free and filled with ads, there was the Oshawa Times. A legitimate newspaper that people actually paid for. As a kid myself and lots of my friends appeared on the pages of this local paper during its coverage of local events.

Ah fond memories of the Oshawa. One thing most people do not realize. The only people who can call it The Shwa are those of us who grew up in it or live in it now.
Dave the Dude

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

One of the biggest things I have learned as a person of long-term recovery is that change is inevitable and necessary for my growth. Prior to sobering up things around me were changing while I stayed stagnant. Stagnant in my own misery. The only way I could stand that misery was to self-medicate through the aid of drugs and alcohol. It wasn't until the spiritual and emotional pain I was experiencing was too much to bear that I finally had a moment of clarity and moved to do something about it. The move began with a change.

The first thing I had to change was to stop self-medicating in order to deal with life. However, the change could not end there for if it did I would soon slip back to the misery I had accepted as normal. Despite being miserable, that life was comfortable and all that I knew. What had got me stuck in it was fear, including fear of change. I had to overcome that fear and begin to look at the aspects of myself that were holding me back. I learned from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that I was "self-centred in the extreme" and that I had allowed my "self-will to run riot."  That's where I started. I looked at all the trouble I had been in and the resentments I held as a result of that trouble. When I took a close look I realized that I played a huge part in all of it. I had to accept my part and get rid of the resentment. The world 'resentment' comes from the root word 'sentiment'. A sentiment is a feeling. I was re-feeling events that bothered me. Dwelling on those things was keeping me stagnant and away from change. Once I was able to let go of those resentments I was able to begin to change the things within me that contributed to them. First I had to get out of myself. I came to realize that the world does not revolve around me. I do not have control over what other people do just on how I react to others' actions. I cannot control the thoughts or feelings that pop into my mind but I do have control over how I handle them. When in the past I would get angry, blow up and hold onto that anger as long as I could, I now had to accept the anger, breathe through it, realize my part in the event and let go of it so I could move on.

Whereas in the past an event I didn't like would define my whole day, I now work through it in a moment. I no longer have whole bad or good days. What I do have is bad or good moments throughout my day. How long those moments last is up to me , my reactions and a maintenance of my spirituality.

I also had to rid my self of the need for immediate gratification. I had gone overboard in all aspects of my life to the point where things were unbalanced. I no longer could rely on my own self-will. I had to turn it over to a higher power. In the beginning I turned it over to a group of people who had sobered up long before I did and let them guide my will. My best thinking had got me financially, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt and I could no longer rely on it. In that realization I began to lower my ego which was a huge change for me. I had to face my fears of not being liked, not being good enough, being alone, being judged and realize that those fears were pointless and were holding me back.

All that change was not easy. I must continuously work on maintaining the things I have changed within or I will slip back to the chaotic lifestyle I not only became used to but, perhaps, was even addicted to. If I don't continue to change my dry date will.

Dave the Dude