There is Hope - I AM RECOVERED

There seems to be a perpetual debate in the recovery community about whether a person is “recovered” or “recovering”. Even some people who have worked and continue to work the Steps seem to think one should never say “recovered”. They say this despite the fact that written on the cover page of the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous is the statement: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. Altogether the word recovered is used 16 times in the Big Book. As those of us who study the Big Book know Bill Wilson’s prose was not willy-nilly. Wilson did chose the word recovered just because it sounded good.

You might say, “tomato – tomahto”, that I’m just arguing semantics. However, it’s no such thing. Alcoholics Anonymous (and all 12 Step Fellowships) are there to offer hope to the newcomer. When I say I’m recovered I’m showing the newcomer that there is an end game to the chaotic rollercoaster that is his/her life of addiction. Using the wording recovering gives the impression that there is no end in site. Why would I want to embark on a journey that offered no pay off? The pay off of the 12 Steps of Recovery is that I will no longer be obsessed over my addiction.  

I am a recovered alcoholic/addict. I have lost the obsession to drink and use mind-altering substances. My life is no longer unmanageable. I go where I want, when I want, with no fear that I will take a drink and/or drug. I am free. I have been, “rocketed into a fourth dimension” (Big Book, 1939) that has allowed me the freedom to do so. Prior to having the spiritual awakening as a result of working and completing the 12 Steps of recovery I had no freedom. I had lost the power of choice when it came to drinking/drugging. My whole life revolved around getting rid of my restlessness, irritability and discontentment through the use of alcohol/drugs. Now that I am recovered I am not longer a slave to the master of alcohol/drugs. I have the freedom to make choices not based on an obsession to obtain and use mind-altering substances. I have the freedom to accept the consequences my choices have – regardless of them being positive or negative consequences. And if they happen to be negative consequences I have the freedom to deal them in a healthy way rather than trying to escape them.

Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way saying I have been cured of my addiction. What I am saying is that I have put my disease into remission. As the Big Book says I have a, “daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of [my] spiritual condition”. Which means I must continue to work the Steps into my daily life. I am recovered from this, “seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body” (Big Book, 1939), as long as I continue to Trust God – Clean House – Help Others.

Dave the Dude

Stop giving in to Terminal Uniqueness

While addicts have similar characteristics such as self-medicating to hide from pain, denial, the inability to express emotions, anxiety, depression, etc., every addict is an individual with different needs. It is for this reason that the majority of treatment centres have a client-centered focus whereby they don’t treat every client exactly the same. People have different mental health issues; different experiences, be it trauma or otherwise; come from different backgrounds, religious and cultural; have different sexual orientations; etc.

My approach about ridding oneself of resentments would be different with someone who was abused versus someone who wasn’t. Someone who has social anxiety may need a different type of counselling than someone who is an extrovert. I could go on and on.

The problem, as I see it today, is that treatment centres are confusing client-centred with client-directed. By client-directed I mean the client tells you how he wants his treatment to go. To me this is just plain wrong. I went to treatment because I didn’t know how to stay sober – I eventually found out I didn’t know how to live. If the treatment centre I went to allowed me to decide what I needed I have not doubt I would not have remained sober. The counsellors, therapists, nutrionists, etc. at the treatment centre are the experts. The client is not.

The sad fact is that treatment is a big business and private facilities are vying for clients. This means that sometimes the client’s best interests are put on the back-burner in order to either attract the client or ensure she stays in treatment. I understand that allowances have to be made but sometimes these allowances are taken too far. This type of treatment practice is becoming more prominent in the Province of Ontario, Canada. In Ontario the addiction treatment centre business has no government regulations whatsoever and the current provincial government has no plans bring any in. There are organizations, such as the Canadian Certified Addiction Counsellors Federation (CCACF), that have been formed to bring about a standard in the industry however these organizations have no official government recognition. Their standards are not enforceable by law.

The biggest Ontario scandal to date surrounds the most financially successful addiction organization – Addiction Canada. (http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/police-search-addiction-canada-locations-after-unlicenced-employees-allegedly-posed-as-doctors)  It was found guilty of fraud whereby it had two men posing as licensed doctors. The sad thing is this company is still up and running. Who knows what damage has bee done. But I digress.

A common characteristic that addicts have is the belief that, “I’m different from you”, “that may work for you, but it won’t work me”. This is distorted thinking. My best thinking got me to a treatment centre therefore my best thinking cannot be relied on. I had to change my toxic behaviours/thinking in order to get and stay well. The most dangerous disorder an addict can suffer from is that of terminal uniqueness. By giving into this disorder we are allowing toxic behaviours/thinking to continue and condemning the addict to failure.

Dave the Dude

"Trigger" my ass!!!

The most overused and misunderstood word in the addiction treatment industry is “trigger”. A trigger is something that causes someone to think about and/or want to use their drug of choice (e.g. – alcohol; drugs; sex; gambling; etc.). I’ve worked in many different addiction treatment centres and often hear clients uttering the word, “trigger” after hearing or seeing something that may remind them of the life they are trying to get away from. There was one client who said they were “triggered” by the term “silver spoon” when listening to the song Cat’s in the cradle”. Another client was “triggered” by the all the snow in the animated movie Frozen.

Plainly put a “trigger” is something “triggers” an unhealthy reaction. I don’t like to use the word “trigger” I prefer the term “stinking thinking”. “Stinking thinking” is returning to an unhealthy way of thinking that can lead to former toxic behaviours. When dealing with addiction one must first learn that it’s not a drugging or drinking problem but a thinking problem. Prior to entering recovery, I couldn’t handle life on life’s terms and self-medicated to deal with the restlessness this inability caused. A speaker I just heard had a great metaphor: It was like everyone but myself had been given an instruction manual on how to live life. I was trying to live my life without direction and thought the feeling of relief that alcohol/drugs gave me was the manual or solution I needed to life’s ills. It would take several years for me to realize that I had found a false solution.

Twelve-step recovery is all about facing life and not hiding away. I had hidden away for far too long. I hid from problems and feelings. With the tools I learned through the directions found in the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous I could return to the world. I became, “happy, joyous and free” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1939). Don’t get me wrong those of us who follow a 12 Step program do not throw caution to the wind. I don’t just sit at a bar for no reason but am not afraid to go to one if I have a legitimate reason. What allows me to do this is that A – as a result of completing the 12 Steps and working them into my life I have lost the obsession to drink or drug. But as the Big Book tells us, this loss of obsessions is only, “…a daily reprieve based on my spiritual maintenance. And B – I have learned what to do when stinking thinking pops into my head.

Telling people to be wary of the triggers sounds good but, for me, at one time just waking up was a trigger. I remember in the first treatment centre I attended I was given a test called IDTS (Inventory of Drug Taking Situations). It’s supposed to let you know which areas of life are triggers for you and thus what you should stay away from. I scored over 90 per cent which basically meant everything triggered me. This is true for most alcoholic/addicts. If I believed the results of the test, then I would have to lock myself up from the world. Thank God I don’t have to do that. Saying that, there were some things I avoided when I first got into recovery as I was vulnerable to relapse. As previously stated I didn’t go hang out in bars. I chose to hang out with people who were also in recovery. The biggest thing, which may be the closest thing to a “trigger”, was I couldn’t listen to certain songs for a couple of years. When I listened to songs of my youth it would cause the part of addiction that tricks me into thinking I’m not an addict to come up – I would remember the fun times I had drinking and drugging forgetting the terrible consequences. Today I have no problem listening to any song that I want.

I’m a firm believer of not censoring what clients watch on TV or talk about in treatment (not including glorification of drug use). If something is going to cause “stinking thinking” or “trigger” someone then isn’t a treatment centre the best place of that to happen rather than that person experiencing this for the first time without support?

Dave the Dude