Resentment is a Dish Best Served Cold

The basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous (1939) tells us that the number one killer of the alcoholic is resentment. It also suggests, and many members of the Fellowship concur, that praying for the person you have the resentment against is the way to get over it. In my experience this is easier said than done, unless you’re praying for that person to get hit by a bus.

When I did my Fourth Step I listed my resentments and then completed the inventory process. By the end I was over the resentments. One person I left off my first Fourth Step was my mother. She had passed away prior to my entering recovery and I felt that if I said I resented her it was speaking ill of the dead. A few years in I realized this was not the case and did a second Fourth in which I was able to deal with the resentment. I have repeated this process over the years for new resentments and have always been successful. That is until recently. \

Due to a series of events I ended up getting a huge resentment towards a few people. These resentments were much stronger resentments than I had ever had before. Part of the problem with getting over the resentments was that I was involved in a type of legal battle against those I had the resentment against. I had accepted my part in the incident and that helped, however, just when my resentments were starting to decrease I would get a call from my lawyer asking me questions and/or giving me an update on things causing the resentments to come back in a strong way. I quickly realized that as long as I was embroiled in this legal issue I wouldn’t be able to properly deal with the resentments.

After approximately four months the legal issue was complete. The resolution was not to my satisfaction but at least the whole thing was done. Without a constant reminder of the incident I was soon able to start the process of getting over these resentments. I’d like to say I’m completely over them but there is still some residue. I have stopped spending part of my day plotting revenge against the perpetrators. I still think they’re assholes but a wise man once told me that sometimes an asshole is just an asshole. I look to these people as spiritually sick individuals who couldn’t help but do what they did. Kind of like that scorpion who got the ride from that frog.

Dave the Dude