In
my humble opinion humour is essential to recovery. If one can’t have fun in
recovery then what’s the point of staying clean and sober? When I decided to
give up the high cost of low living I had no idea what recovery would entail. I
figured that Alcoholics Anonymous was just a place where a bunch of people sat
around a table and commiserated about how rotten life was since they couldn’t
get wasted anymore. Thank God I was wrong because if that was the reality I
wouldn’t have stayed long. Leaving my first meeting I had some hope that life
could get better and would be enjoyable. One must always remember Rule 62 of
Alcoholics Anonymous – don’t take yourself so seriously. Keeping this mind here
is my list of things you don’t want to hear at a 12 Step meeting.
1)
When
the speaker opens with, “I’m not a long speaker”, beware. I have fell for this
line many the time. In over a decade of experience I have learned that when the
speaker says this line you are in for one hell of a long talk. That would okay
if the talk was good but inevitably it is long and boring. Which leads me to
the next thing you don’t want to hear at a meeting…
2)
When
the speaker opens with, “I’m not one for drunkalogs”, you are not only in for a
long talk but one with little reference to actual recovery. Usually these talks
are indeed a drunkalog and focus on drunken exploits of the speaker.
3)
When
it comes to Alcoholics Anonymous and its singleness of purpose you will often
hear a speaker say, “I respect AA’s
singleness of purpose but drugs are a part of my story and I wouldn’t be honest
if I didn’t talk about them.” To me a statement like this is equivalent to
someone saying, “don’t take offense but you are an asshole.” Just because the
person told me not to take offense doesn’t mean they’re let off the hook for
calling me an asshole. The same goes for the saying you respect the singleness
of purpose but go on and discuss drug use anyway. I was a carpet crawling,
whisky swilling, alcoholic/addict but when I speak at a meeting of Alcoholics
Anonymous I use the term “outside issues” when referring to my drug use. At the
most I’ll refer to a white powder I snorted that helped me drink more. There’s
nothing in the Traditions that says I can’t share my experience with drug use
on an individual basis and that’s what I do in Alcoholics Anonymous.
4)
One
thing that drives me crazy occurs at discussion meetings. At many meetings
right before they close the chairperson will ask, “is there anyone here with a burning
desire to share before we close?” To me this means that if someone is in trouble
and needs to get something off their chance or they risk drinking/using then
please speak now. What usually happens is that some guy who loves the sound of
his own voice (who has already shared during the meeting) will put up his hand
and talk just to get a last word in.
5)
Often
times you’ll hear the advice, “don’t drink and go to meetings”. Not drinking
and meetings are great but if you don’t actually do the 12 Step Program as laid
out in the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous you have a great chance of becoming
a dry drunk and/or relapsing.
6)
Often
in 12 Steps meetings (in all Fellowships) you will hear that relapse is part of
recovery. There’s two ways to take that. If when saying this one means that
relapse begins as soon as a person, in recovery, begins to have stinking
thinking and stops his spiritual maintenance then, yes, relapse is part of recovery
and one has to learn how to become aware when this happens to stop it before it
leads to a drink or drug. However, often times when someone says this they mean
it’s okay if one takes that drink or drug because it was inevitable. Well, I
call bullshit on that. That type of relapse is not part of recovery. If one
thinks that is true then one is setting himself up for failure by keeping a
back door open in one’s mind to go back out.
Some
other things that people often share drive me batty. I don’t need to be lectured
to (just share your experience).
When someone tells me how to pray that is not helpful. I can’t count the number
of times that someone has stood at the front of a room and told people that if
they don’t pray on their knees then they will not stay sober. I don’t pray on
my knees. My Higher Power lifted me up off my knees so I’m not going back down
on them. Once in a while you will hear a speaker chastise the audience about
not giving enough money during the Seventh Tradition. The Tenth Step Axiom states
that when I don’t like something about someone else it’s usually because I see
something in that person I don’t like about myself. So don’t put your guilt
over not giving to the Seventh on to me. People who lecture on this don’t know
the financial situation of those in the audience. “There are no dues or fees” –
that should always be remembered.
These
are just a few of the things I often hear at 12 Step meetings that I take with
a grain of salt.
Dave
the Dude
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