Like all cultures the culture of recovery has a language all to its own. Some of that language can be good and some can be dangerous as hell. The sayings we use and the cliches we state have come from all over. They've been handed down from old-timers to newcomers, developed in treatment centres and molded to fit into various Fellowships. When I first entered into Alcoholics Anonymous (and later began to work in the field of recovery) I had to learn this new language from scratch. But alcoholics/addicts are a smart lot and I soon got the gist.
I've already used one term above that means one thing to those in recovery and another to non-12 Steppers - that is old-timers. Old-timers refers to someone who has been in recover for many years. I've heard various opinions on the exact amount of years one needs to be considered an old-timer but the general consensus I've gotten has been around 20 years of continuous sobriety from all mind-altering substances.
Another word used here and there is the term "pigeons". A pigeon is a someone new to sobriety and a sponsor is someone who gets him/herself and new pigeon to take under his/her wing. Apparently some find this term offensive (we are a sensitive lot after all) but when I was a newcomer I took no offense.
Now we have the cliches that are spun throughout the rooms:
If you sit in a barber chair long enough you're going to get a hair cut. Translation: if you sit around a bar drinking Cokes you'll eventually take a drink.
Trust God. Clean House. Help Others. This is a three sentence description of the 12 Steps.
Terminally Unique. This term describes the person who thinks that he/she can lick this thing. Drink or drug like an Earth Person (translation: social drinker/user). I fell into this category prior to finding the rooms of AA. As I entered my first treatment centre I admitted that I had a cocaine problem but was determined to figure out how to drink normally. I didn't want to face the fact that I couldn't take another drink. This denial by me almost lead to my death (hence the word terminal) as I drank myself into a painful case of pancreatitis. Luckily for me I had the moment of clarity (the denial that I was an alcoholic went away) so that I could ask for help.
A dangerous saying that I hear from time-to-time is that, "relapse is a part of recovery". Depending on what the person who says this means it is either terribly wrong or correct. If the person means that taking another drink/drug is inevitable then run far away from this person. For that is leaving a "back door open" (setting oneself up) for taking a drink/drug. Now, if the person who says this statement is talking about a return to pre-recovery thinking and/or behaviours then he/she is correct. Our program is one of progress not perfection. I have often had a relapse of my "emotional sobriety" whereby I returned to my old ways of toxic reactions to people, places and things. Once this begins to happen (and it happens to the best of us) it's up to me to take notice of this and get back on track so that I don't pick up a drink/drug.
A term that has been introduced into recovery by treatment centres is "drug of choice". What's your drug of choice, people will be asked when they enter a facility. If it's one thing I've learned from addiction is that when it came to alcohol and drugs I did not have a choice. When I felt stressed - I took a drink. When I felt angry - I took a drink. When I felt happy - I took a drink. When I felt fear - I took a drink. I didn't decide to do this, the choice was already made as alcohol (and later crack) was the only tool I had to deal with life on life's terms. It wasn't until I completed the 12 Steps of Recovery which gave me a "personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]" (Big Book of AA), that I again had a choice. I could chose to continue on the spiritual path (the Fourth dimension) or chose to return to my old ways which would inevitably lead me to alcohol and destruction. The choice was mine. Recovery freed me from the bondage of self and the need to self-medicate.
Language is a powerful tool and what we say to newcomers can be helpful or send them back out (back out refers to picking up again). I remember early in my recovery I was having a tough time and someone asked me how I was doing. I told them I was a bit down and struggling. The person smiled at me and said, "turn it over that's what I do". Well I wanted to turn it over alright, turn the chair I was standing by over his head. I was just getting into Step Two, I hadn't turned anything over yet and while that person meant well it just gave me a resentment. Luckily I got over that in Step Four.
Resentment is another word that is bandied about. What exactly is a resentment? The root word of resentment is 'sentiment'. A sentiment is a feeling. To have a resentment is to relive a feeling. If I'm reliving a feeling then I'm stuck in the past and cannot be in the present. If I cannot be in the present then I'm in danger of relapse. Simple once it's explained but darn confusing when you're new and people keep telling you to get over your resentments.
There is a cornucopia of different terms, sayings, cliches and slogans in recovery. But like recovery itself, you'll figure it out one day at a time.
I'll end with the first agreement taken from The Toltec Spiritualist Miguel Ruiz: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Words are power. Be careful how you wield them.
Dave the Dude
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