I Was a Defect Waiting for Character

In order for someone to recovery from an addiction one must be able to change. If nothing changes then nothing changes. As one completes The 12 Steps of Recvoery one finds out what needs to be changed within. When one completes Steps Four and Five he is left with a list of defects of character (AKA: toxic behaviours) that one has to change. I soon found out that I was a defect waiting for character.

A common list of character defects which Alcoholics Co-Founder Bill Wilson also termed short comings are as follows:

1. Selfishness.
2. Self-centredness.
3. People pleasing.
4. Dishonesty.
5. Maniupulative.
6. Arrogant.
7. Judgemental.
8. Prideful.
9. Gluttonous.
10. Lustful.

The list can go on and on depending on the person. It's in Steps Six and Seven that we begin to try to rid ourselves of these defects of character. In most cases we cannot totally get rid of them but we try to lower them to the best of our ability. Part of the Seventh Step Prayer asks our Higher Power to, "...remove from me every single defect of character that which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows." An important part of this statement is the part that asks to remove the issues that interfere wtih one's usefulness. To me this means my Higher Power may want me to hold on to some of my character defects as they may be of use in the future. That would be part of my Higher Power's plan for me (AKA: Thy will be done -not mine). 

In Step Six we become ready to get rid of them and in Step Seven we ask our Higher Power to help us. However, that doesn't mean these Steps are done. In my experience these Steps must be worked at on a daily basis. It's up to me to make the changes within msyelf that will allow me to turn these toxic behaviours into healthy ones. I do the best I can do and must have faith that once I have done that my Higher Power will take care of the rest. 

I often use the Step 11 Prayer as a guideline to where I want to be:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

—Saint Francis of Assisi—

I must always remember that it's progress not perfection but the above prayer is the ideal I strive for. Recovery is a way of life whereby I strive to be the best human being (not human doing) that I can be.

Dave the Dude