For
those of you who are new to 12 Step Fellowships you’ll notice a lot of clichés
bandied about the rooms. At first they may seem simple or even irritating but
if you stick around you’ll find some wisdom in them. Here are some of my faves.
1. Don’t
let people rent space in your head. – When I get irritated at someone I’m
letting them have power over me. The core word in resentment is sentiment. To
have resentment is to live that sentiment over and over again. If you are able
to learn how to stop this from happening people will no longer rent space in
your head.
2. I
didn’t get in trouble every time I drank but every time I got in trouble I was
drinking. – A big part of addiction is denial. No one decides to change unless
they have some consequences. The unfortunate fact is that many wait until there
are lots of consequences rather than stopping their addiction when there is
just a few. Some addicts feel that since they don’t have consequences every
time they engage their addiction they don’t have any issues. But if they take a
close look, and wipe away their denial, they would see that many of their
troubles occurred while obtaining or under the influence of something.
3. If
nothing changes – nothing changes. – Recovery doesn’t happen unless I’m willing
to change. First I have to change by stopping my self-medicating. Then I have
to change my thinking and behaviours. If I don’t change my dry date will
(that’s a bonus cliché).
4. If
you are not completely satisfied with AA (CA, NA, etc.), your misery will be
promptly refunded. – One of the spiritual pillars of a 12 Step program is
open-mindedness. Newcomers to the program are asked to keep an open mind and
try out our suggestions. If you don’t like it you’re free to try something else
and we’ll give you back all your problems.
5. If
you hang out in a barbershop long enough you’re going to get a haircut. – Some
newcomers to recovery think they can continue to go hang out with their buddies
in the bars but only drink pop. What they quickly find is that eventually the
disease will kick in and tell them that one won’t hurt. Then they’re back in
the cycle of addiction again.
6. Look
for the similarities, not at the differences. – People who come into the 12
Step rooms and begin comparing themselves to others have less a chance of
making it then those who seek commonalities. The danger is an individual saying
to themselves statements like: “I didn’t drink that much”. “I never got
arrested”. “I never had a DUI.” “My liver is fine”. The word that should be
placed at the end of all those statements is “yet”. For if one continues in
their addiction we have found that they eventually find out that they are just
like everyone else.
7. The
first step is the only one you have to have a 100 per cent in. – Step One is
the only step one has to be totally committed to. It’s the Step where you learn
about the disease of addiction and how one is powerless over it and the mess it
makes of one’s life. If you don’t believe you have the disease then you will
not be motivated to work on the solution.
8. We
are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well. –
Low self-esteem is common in those entering into recovery. We have to remember
that we are all good people who have done some things we regret as a result of
our disease. Now that we know about the disease we start to get better. (This
does not mean we are not responsible for making amends for damages we have done
while active in our illness). I wasn’t dirty – I was sick. I am not clean – I
am sober.
9. While
you work on recovery, your addiction is doing push-ups. – I have been sober for
just over 11 years. If I were to, Higher Power forbid, start drinking again it
would not be like I was starting over. I would pick up my addiction as if I had
been drinking for those 11 years. Science can’t explain this but it is a fact.
As the late great Alcoholics Anonymous member Father Martin said, “only God
knows why and he ain’t telling us”.
10. Under
every skirt there’s a slip. – This is my favourite one that I heard while in a
men’s treatment centre. It’s suggested to newcomers in recovery to not enter
into any new romantic relationships for a year. The reason being that a new
relationship brings up a great deal of emotional turmoil which could lead us
back to active addiction.
11. Under
every pair of trousers there’s a lower power. – See number 10.
12. The
first one goes down easy – and that does it! – One of the common slogans we
hear around the rooms is Easy Does It. This has always been my favourite interpretation
of that slogan. It reminds me that it’s not the fifth drink that is the problem
but the first one.
13. Pray for
Potatoes But Be Willing To Pick Up a Hoe – Our Higher Power will help us out
but we still have to do the work.
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