As a Canadian I really like the "I Am Canadian" commercial and so I decided to steal the idea and write I Am A Jew. (Note this probably doesn't apply to all Jewish people and may even offend them but offending each other is part of being Jewish).
I AM A JEW
I am not a lawyer, banker or doctor
Although some of us are
I am not from Israel but from Canada
In fact more Jews live outside of Israel than in
In Canada it's ham not Canadian Bacon
I'm not supposed to eat either - but I do
I got to synagogue not a church
I have a rabbi not a priest or minister
I didn't get circumcised at my Bar Mitzvah
It happened when I was a baby
Jews don't rule the world
If they did I sure wouldn't be in debt and paying off a mortgage
I'm not cheap or a penny pincher (see above line)
I don't know Moshe, Abe or Yitzhak from the Bronx
But I'm sure they're nice Jewish boys
I love a good Shiksa
Even though my Mom told me to stay away from them
I have nothing against Arabs
In fact I used to have a cocaine dealer from Lebanon
I can pray in Hebrew but have no idea what I'm saying
I have Hebrew tattoos that I actually know that they mean
And the Rabbi said I CAN be buried in a Jewish cemetery with the tatts
I like Matzoh Ball soup, a good roast and bagels with cream cheese
I'm not good at sports but many Jews are
My name is Dave the Dude
And I Am A Jew
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