Enabling Through Prescriptions - A Scourge on our Nation

I’ve worked in the addictions/mental health field for over 17 years as an addictions counsellor, housing first worker (trying to house chronically homeless people), outreach worker and a mental health crisis worker. The majority of clients I run into have a combination of addiction and mental health issues.

As is common these days a great deal of people are dealing with opioid addictions. In the brilliance of our modern medical industry a great number of physicians feel that the solution is providing methadone – which is harder to get off than heroin. Their reasoning is that methadone reduces cravings for opioids (e.g. – fentanyl; oxycontin; oxycodone; etc.) and the person will not use. Sounds good in theory – right?! However, in my experience I’d say of the 50 people I’ve met that were perscribed methadone only two of them actually stopped using opioids and then stopped taking methadone. Those two people I met as a member of a 12 Step Fellowship and I’d wager that it wasn’t the methadone that got them clean/sober (although, I’ll concede it probably helped) but the 12 Step Program.

Not only does methadone not help the majority of people stop but it’s prescribed even when someone continues to use opioids and any other drugs (e.g. – crack; meth; cocaine; etc.). To me that’s plain insanity.

More recently I’ve noticed that not only are physicians prescribing methadone they are combining it with Kadian. Kadian is basically morphine - another type of opioid. That’s like prescribing whiskey to an alcoholic. Everyone I’ve encountered who takes Kadian has also continued to use opioids.

Does anyone see the logic in any of this? I sure don’t. As a recovered alcoholic/addict I know that the only thing that helped me change my life was pain. I consider methadone and Kadian another way to enable addicts. Enabling is a hindrance to someone getting clean/sober.

I live in the province of Ontario. Many of the clients I encounter on methadone receive Ontario Works which covers the cost of methadone. I fully believe that OW should not cover this drug. Millions of dollars could be saved and would be better used if it were put towards supportive housing and free addiction treatment. Supportive housing is housing that teaches people how to live independently or supports them if they cannot reach that stage. Most people, experiencing homelessness, that I’ve worked with, did not have the skills to remain independently housed. Many people I helped get a place to live lost that place within three to six months.

If we want to solve our homeless and addiction issues, we have to make a lot of changes and getting rid of methadone and Kadian would  be a good first step.

Dave the Dude

Left and Woke: The new virus

 

I’ve been working in the addictions/mental health field for almost two decades now. The drugs the people use, and even the types of alcohol, may have changed a bit but the issues they are dealing with have stayed primarily the same. As has the way to help them. What has changed, to the detriment of the industry and clients, is that many of the workers and agencies have gone so far left and woke that people aren’t getting the help they need.

I do psychoeducational groups at work. One of the groups I do is about denial and denial patterns. One of the patterns I talk about is the Democratic Disease State.

 

The Democratic Disease State – I convince myself that I have a right to continue to use alcohol/drugs even if it kills me. Yes, I’m destroying my life. Yes, I’m hurting those I love. Yes, I’m a burden to society. So what? I have the right to drink and drug myself to death. No one has the right to make me stop. My addiction is killing me anyway. I might as well convince myself that I’m dying because I want to.

 

This used to be something we could help people see and deal with. However, in today’s woke work culture many agencies and workers are telling people that they should feel this way. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that addiction is a disease and that we need to try keep people safe until they have that moment of clarity, however, this does not mean enabling them. By telling them they have the right to use, to provide free drugs/alcohol (on the taxpayer dime) and that no one should be able to tell them to stop is enabling them to stay in their addiction. Those agencies and workers are just providing another excuse, another denial pattern, for people to stay sick. 

I’ve been sober over 20 years. I got sober primarily by being a part of Alcoholics Anonymous and working the 12 Steps into my life. When I got sober I went back to school so I could help people in similar circumstances to what I was in. Ironically, in the over 18 years I have worked in this industry I have had issues with a couple workplaces. Both of these issues, which ended in the loss of a job, were the result of unethical and unspiritual actions by people I trusted in AA. Rather than coming to me with an alleged problem they had they went to higher ups. One of these people actually pretended to be on my side when I was asked to head up starting a union. Instead he reported me to management, who found a way to fire me and he got my job. I take responsibility for my part in each of these incidents even if I thought I was right. The second incident some woke, alleged friend with alleged good recovery, found satirical comments anti-left and pro-science so they proceeded to try to destroy me. 

When I went to my last treatment centre (as a client) there were counsellors there from all walks of life. Stubborn old timers who were overly strict, ex-hippies who had got clean and sober, etc. Despite being different from one another they had one goal in common – to help the still suffering alcohol/addict. Today’s world has so much woke leftness in it that many organizations and workers have forgot that this is their primary purpose.

Kudos to the government for closing safe injection sites

 

The Ontario Government has announced that safe injection sites within 200 meters of schools and childcare centres are no longer allowed. This will result in 10 safe injection sites being closed in Toronto. As with all issues like this, there is much controversy.

As a recovered alcoholic/addict and social worker who works with people active in addiction I applaud the move. These sites are glorified enabling sites. Addiction is a disease and a health issue and the addict cannot control his/her consumption. However, you cannot treat this disease like any other disease. Addiction/alcoholism is the only disease that tells one they do not have it.

By making it easier to use and lessoning the consequences of one’s addiction we only make it easier for someone to continue using. The only thing that causes change is pain (physical/emotional/spiritual). If we take away the pain then there’s little chance of someone having that moment of clarity where they decide to ask for help.

I heard that 40% of people who go to these sites have been referred to treatment. That is great but that means 60% do not. Taxpayer money would be better spent on paying for treatment and lessoning the wait times as that moment of clarity does not last long. It must be acted upon ASAP. One of my friends was going to work at a Toronto safe injection site and was told, in no uncertain terms, that he was not allowed to talk about recovery to people using the site. That sealed the deal for me on any pro-stance towards these sites.

The government has also banned any attempt at providing safe supply. Thanks God for that!!! It has been proven, in both Vancouver and London, Ontario, that this does not help the addict in the least. All they do is sell the safe supply and by stronger opiates. In Vancouver, it’s actually labelled safe supply which makes some of the people it’s sold to think it is totally safe to take. A 14-year-old died from this alleged safe supply in 2022 when she bought it off someone who the government gave it to. The Vancouver family has launched a lawsuit and rightfully so.

If we want to help people, we need five things:

A)   Quicker and free access to addiction treatment.

B)   Treatment centres need to be regulated. Currently they are not and many take advantage of that.

C)   The Ontario Mental Health Act needs to be changed so we can put people with severe mental health problems into institutions to get help they don’t realize they need.

D)   The proper institutions need to be built.

We need much more transitional housing. Many addicts are not ready for independent living

A    If someone is not ready to be clean and sober then nothing we can do will change his or her mind. However, making it easier to use sure won’t get them to the place they need to be to make that change.

Davka Dave (AKA: Dave the Dude)

 

Forced Treatment

 

There’s been some talk in the news and talk radio today about the possibility of forcing active alcoholics/addicts into treatment. A reporter asked future Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Poilievre if he would do that. Wisely, Poilievre said he didn’t think it would work but he would consider it if evidence showed it could work.

Well, as a recovered alcoholic/addict and social worker/addictions counsellor I can tell you that there’s no way it would. My fellow recovered alcoholics/addicts would agree that if one does not have a desire to stop then no matter what you do they won’t get clean/sober.

It took me five years to stop drinking/drugging. When I first started trying to get clean/sober, I did not have the desire to stop drinking. I could not envision a life without it. Despite legal ramifications, health consequences and friend/family consequences I could not come around to having a desire. It wasn’t until I had an emotional/spiritual rock bottom that desire arrived.

I work with many addicts/alcoholics who do not have the desire to stop feeding their addiction. Despite being homeless, broke and facing numerous consequences they do not want to stop. Forcing them into a treatment centre would do nothing but negatively influence those there who do have a desire to quit.

I’ve seen families send their children to treatment centres against their wishes. The children never make it. They either get kicked out for breaking rules (usually using) or negatively affect someone who may have had a chance.

Every active alcoholic/addict effects up to seven people in their lives. If you include the general public being effected by crime, costs of dealing with overdoses, ER visits, etc. then it effects society as a whole. Despite this, forcing someone into a treatment centre just won’t work. Unless you want to keep the person locked up for the rest of their life, they will go back to self-medicating.

The Ontario Mental Health Act prevents people with severe mental health issues from being held against their will unless they are a harm to themselves or others. This is a big problem because people don’t stabilize on medication. An addict/alcoholic with severe mental illness cannot get sober unless that part is taken care of first. So, while I disagree with forcing people into treatment I feel the Ontario Mental Health Act needs to be changed to put people back into institutions to get stable. Once stable mentally the desire for sobriety may come easier. We still have an issue with housing, poverty, etc. Until a person is also stable in that area then the addiction cycle will not stop.

Davka Dave (AKA: Dave the Dude)

We are here to Pass It On

 

The other day during a debate over the Plain Language Big Book someone said that we shouldn’t criticize it as it’s not for us to decide how someone should get sober. I was astonished. The whole purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous is to show those who come after us how to get sober through Service, Unity Recovery. They are the three pillars of Alcoholics Anonymous.

                        Service – Help Others

                        Unity – The Fellowship

                        Recovery – Working the 12 Steps

If you want to tell people in the Fellowship not to criticize someone who got sober outside of Alcoholics Anonymous that is fair. However, to suggest we should tell people who come to AA for help “just to figure it out and whatever they feel will work is good” is just plain wrong and a possible death sentence.

I walked through the doors of AA a beaten man. I was, “restless, irritable, discontent”. If it wasn’t for the fellow alcoholics I met who told me about the 12 Steps, my sponsor who guided me through them, my home group that started me on service work and the Fellowship that made feel I was no longer alone I would not be sober today.

I’m not sure what the Plain Language Book will say but from what I hear it is taking away the arch that keeps Alcoholics Anonymous alive. I’ve heard that it will NOT talk about the allergy. It will NOT suggest that one needs a spiritual experience in order to lose the obsession over alcohol. Apparently, it’s being turned into a book of psychology.

The Big Book tells us that, “no human power could relieve us of our alcoholism”. That includes doctors, psychologist, psychiatrists, etc. That was true for me and for the dozens of fellow alcoholics I have heard share in my almost two decades of sobriety.

The Big Book is how I got sober and will remain the textbook I pass on to those who ask me for help.

Davka Dave (AKA: Dave the Dude)

The Fear is Real

 

I usually just write on recovery stuff but there is a lot of stuff going on in the world today that is effecting me. It is bringing out some fears that I have not experienced before. Since fear is a big part of recovery, I guess this is recovery related after all.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you have to be aware of the attack on Israel on October 7 by the terrorist group Hamas. There were 1,139 people (mostly civilians) killed, 240 people were taken as hostages. Many of the hostages have been beaten, raped and murdered. The attack was followed by Israel defending itself. If this had happened to any other country there would be little criticism. But since it’s Israel it is being heavily criticized by the woke left who support Hamas. I believe a big part of the left’s support of these terrorists is due to fact that the philosophy of Inclusion, Diversity and Equity (IDE) has gone way beyond its original intent. It was originally supposed to make all people equal but like all good ideas it has been taken over by idiocy. Those who follow IDE now believe that anyone who has overcome challenges and become successful are now the enemies. Combine that with racist Critical Race Theory beliefs and chaos has fallen upon the West. Those of the Jewish race have been taking the brunt of this neo-racism that the woke left hold dear. Just look at university campuses across North America. Misguided woke leftists students have created encampments on campuses and are blocking Jewish students from attending classes. There are pro-terrorist marches blocking traffic and hospitals as well as causing chaos on a weekly basis across the West. I live in Canada and see people waiving pro-Hamas flags daily on bridges over Highway 401.

All of this has created a fear and caution in me that I have never experienced in my 54 years on this planet. I’ve begun wearing a Mogen David (Star of David) to show my support for Israel. However, in the back of my mind I’m always wary of someone saying something to me. I recently posted a funny video on Tiktok where I happened to be wearing a shirt with the Israel flag on it. The video had nothing to do with the current situation. Yet I received some very antiemetic comments including someone telling me I should dress like the Nazis made the Jews dress in the 30s.

The other day I called CAA for a tow as my car wouldn’t start. I happened to be wearing my Israel shirt and, of course, my Mogen David. The driver who came to tow my car was a really nice guy. However, in the back of my mind I kept worrying that he may have some negative views towards Jews. Luckily, this was not the case but I have never had these worries before.

This is nothing compared to what my grandparents went through when they lived in Europe and then came to Canada. I still remember my Bube (Grandmother) crying on a regular basis because all her relatives were murdered in the Nazi concentration camps. Before I was born there was a local golf course with a sign that said “No Dogs or Jews Allowed”.

I remind myself that most people are good and just want to live their lives peacefully

I pray that conflict in the Middle East is over soon and that the current rise in anti-Semitism reverses itself.

Dave the Dude

Stop getting so worked up!!

 

I hear many people cutting up advice/suggestions that are not in the Big Book without any explanation at all. I’ve made the odd joke myself. I think of lot of sayings/advice we hear does work if it’s put into proper context.  

I recently criticized the saying “meeting makers make it”. Let me qualify that criticism. If a newcomer comes around and just hears “meeting makers make it” and think all you have to do is go to meetings to stay sober then the majority of them will not. Meetings are, of course, important. When I first came into the rooms, I went to a ton of meetings. I didn’t do 90 in 90 (another saying people criticize) but approximately 180 in 90. Going to that many meetings grounded me, helped with my mental health and made me feel a part of the Fellowship. However, I also got a sponsor, began the Steps and got active. If I hadn’t done those three then I doubt I would have stayed sober. I wasn’t working at the time and going to those meetings, interacting with fellow alcoholics and helping run a service meeting got me out of myself and into recovery mode. For me it was an essential anchor to my recovery.

Another saying people criticize is “relapse is part of recovery”. If you’re talking about picking up a drink/drug then I completely agree. The relapse part of recovery is returning to your old ways, character defects and stinking thinking. There’s been many the time where I relapsed in my emotional sobriety. However, I had the tools necessary to realize what I did (or a sponsor to point it out to me) and was able to make the correction before I fell off that wagon and took a drink/drug.

There’s a large group of people who really dislike “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today” while another group of people love it. (Page 417, Big Book, 4^th Edition). I don’t see why people hate it so much. I have to accept situations as being what they are. The old me tried to change everything to fit what I expected, got a resentment because I couldn’t and then took a drink. I try my best to have my acceptance higher than my expectations so I don’t get a resentment. Acceptance doesn’t mean you accept abuse/violence. It means if you’ve experienced something like that you must accept that it has happened, look at your options (this includes asking for help) then proceed.

Finally, I keep seeing people getting really angry over the saying, “One Day at a Time”. To me this refers to staying sober. Before I came into the rooms a big hindrance to remaining sober was worrying about what I would do come holidays, my birthday, etc. One Day at a Time taught me to just tell myself I’ll stay sober for the next 24 hours and not worry about tomorrow. When tomorrow came, I did the same thing. One Day at a Time does not mean I don’t plan for the future. One has to do that. I have to plan future vacations, for upcoming events, who’s going to chair my home group next week, etc.

When I hear something, I try to look at it from all angles before rejecting it. I try to follow the famous Herbert Spencer quote from our Big Book:

 

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all argument and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance.

This principle is contempt prior to examination.

When Harm Reduction Casuses Harm

 

I’ve been a recovered alcoholic/addict since January 7, 2005. When I first got sober I was dead set against any type of harm reduction. My opinion was the AA Way or the highway!! Since then my mind has opened to certain types of harm reduction.

I’ve worked on a couple street outreach vans where we handed out safe needle, crack and meth kits, etc. The theory behind handing out these kits is not to encourage drug use but to encourage safe drug use. An addict is going to use whether they have a clean needle or not. However, if they use a clean needle the chances that they contract a deadly or serious blood disease are lowered so when if they ever decide to get sober they don’t face an extra challenge. Getting sober is arduous enough without having the stress of a disease on top of it. Most people know you can catch a disease by sharing needles but do not know how sharing pipes can do it. If someone has a cut on his or her lip/mouth and blood gets on a shared pipe then it’s possible to spread a disease. It is not as bad as sharing needles but remember how careful we were during COVID?

Here’s where harm reduction begins to cause harm. In Canada, particularly Vancouver, we have what’s called safe supply. Safe supply is when the government (funded by taxpayers) hand out free opiates to addicts. Since Vancouver started doing this, the number of overdoses have not gone down. In fact, they have been in record numbers. The safe supply that is given out, for free, is hydromorphone. Most of the people who get this free handout then sell it on the streets and buy Fentanyl. So, in essence, we are funding their drug addiction.

Addiction is a disease and one should not be ashamed that they have it nor be ashamed to seek help. However, it is a unique disease as it’s the only disease that tells you that you don’t have it. If someone had offered me free booze and drugs while I was addictive in my addiction it would’ve been a lot harder for me to reach my moment of clarity which led to change and a decision to get sober.

In my personal and professional experience, one does not change if one does not feel some kind of pain. Free drugs, and what appears to be a new woke philosophy that we should accept that active addiction is fine and dandy thus not encouraging people to get sober, is adding to the death toll. A recent documentarian was in my area to show and talk about his documentary “Love in the Time of Fentanyl”. It’s about the opiate crisis in Vancouver. One of the people in the film was on hand as well. She is an active addict that works at the safe injection sites. She is allowed to smoke crack on the job. What type of job allows someone to actively use drugs/alcohol? I remember in my second treatment centre I told my counsellor that I wish I could get a job that paid me to drink. I guess I should have moved out to Vancouver. Although, I’m pretty sure if I did that I would’ve died from pancreatitis.

Dave the Dude

When Harm Reduction Becomes Enabling

 

I’ve been a recovered alcoholic/addict for many moons now having surrendered on January 7, 2005. When I first got sober I was dead set against any type of harm reduction. I was solely focused on keeping myself sober. Since then my mind has opened to certain types of harm reduction.

I’ve worked for a couple of street outreach programs over the years and handed out clean needles, crack/meth pipes, condoms and Naloxone kits. I see the need for these types of harm reduction as they keep people from contracting deadly or life altering diseases. I always say that one day an active addict may decide they want to get sober, and because they used these safe supplies, they don’t have the challenge of battling a disease on top of the very challenging journey of becoming sober – and eventually recovered.

While in support of the above mentioned harm reduction there are certain ones I’m dead set against. I’ve written a few blogs about how methadone is terrible stating that it’s just a money maker for doctors (who I’ve had tell clients, who wanted to wean off, that it would not be good for them and refused to help) as well as being harder to get off then heroin. I also believe that a big part of recovery is freedom – freedom to go and do what you want (not drinking/using of course). Having to go to a pharmacy once a day, or week, to get a drink hardly says freedom. Plus, you continue to receive methadone even if you continue to use opioids and/or other mind altering substances. A substitute for methadone is Suboxone. Before someone starts this they have to go 24 hours without anything – an uncomfortable withdrawal occurs. It’s this type of uncomfortableness that may lead someone to have a moment of clarity. You can also wean off of Suboxone far easier than Methadone.

I recently learned that there is a “harm reduction” program in Toronto, Ontario where workers teach people how to inject drugs. Why not go all the way and inject the heroin, etc. for the person? This is like trying to help an alcoholic by pouring whisky down their throat. For someone to finally decide to get sober they need to have a moment of clarity which is usually due to some sort of physical, emotional and or spiritual pain. By showing them how to inject a chance at feeling this type of pain is taken away.

Taking away any type of pain or uncomfortableness is not harm reduction but clearly crossing over that fine line of help to enabling. Enabling someone whether it be in addiction, stagnation, etc. is never a healthy thing.

Dave the Dude

DO NO HARM - Not the case here.

 

I can’t speak for other jurisdictions in Canada or other countries but in Ontario an upsetting trend has been going on with doctors and their patients for over a decade. I’ve been working in various treatment centres for over 16 years and started noticing this occurrence with some of my clients as well as with fellow members of my 12 Step Fellowship several years ago.

 What I’m talking about is people going to their doctors to seek help with their drinking/drugging and the doctor reporting the person to the Ministry of Transportation who subsequently takes away that person’s driver’s license. Not only is this punishing someone for a crime they haven’t committed (i.e. – driving under the influence) it is telling them they shouldn’t reach out for help because there will be negative consequences right away. I first reached out to my physician for help around 1998. I had not yet started to drink and drive (that would come later along with an arrest). He treated me like someone with a disease and not a criminal. As a result, I didn’t think twice about being honest with him until the day he moved away. He helped me begin my journey into sobriety as well as treating some severe mental health issues I was going through. When I did get sober, I tracked him down to make amends for showing up to his office drunk one day. If he had reported me and my license was revoked, I would have had much more stress in my life which would have caused a great deal of anxiety and depression. How did I deal with such things back then? By drinking/drugging.

 Speaking of mental health – there was a recent article in the Toronto Star about how doctors are now reporting patients to the Ministry of Transportation who come to them with signs of depression. These people subsequently lose their license as the MTO feels they may become dangerous drivers. What happens when these people lose their license? They become even more isolated thus leading to greater depression. This chaos has got to stop. I also heard on the radio (I really hope it isn’t true) that doctors, in Ontario, get $35 for every person they report to the MTO who lose their license. If this is, in fact true, I am a truly disgusted.

Dave the Dude

BFTGOG and Remember When

 

The last five years I was an active alcoholic/addict the functioning part of my alcoholism became very dysfunctional. At one point I was sleeping on a friend’s couch. If you had told me then that I was homeless I would have said you were wrong. Many years later, when I entered the field of social services, I would learn that “couch surfing” is considered homeless. I was shocked. As my disease of addiction grew bigger my apartments grew smaller. A couple of years following the couch surfing I found myself in a bed bug infested, bachelor apartment, by Sherbourne and Dundas in Toronto. It was here that my addiction grew even bigger. The funds for my rent went to drugs and alcohol and I was on verge of homelessness once again. I was only in that apartment for four months when I was whisked away, in the dead of night, by my sister to my parents’ place in Oshawa. It would be another few years before I surrendered, on January 7, 2005, and began a program that would relieve me of my obsession for alcohol. My journey of “trudging (sic) the road of Happy Destiny” (AA Big Book, 1939) began. The first month of sobriety I was walking on eggshells with my family. I knew if I slipped up I would be heading to a homeless shelter. Today I know that would have been the right choice for my family but back then I was in denial over the emotional consequences my behaviour had caused – especially to my father (my mom had passed a few years prior to this).

 

Near the end of my first year of sobriety I went back to school for a Post-grad Addictions/Mental Health Diploma as I wanted to help people who found themselves facing the same disease as me. Fast forward almost 16 years later and I began a new job as an Outreach Worker for the Mobile Jewish Response to Homelessness with a great organization called Ve’ahavta. There’s a slogan in 12 Step Programs called “But for the Grace of God go I”. Grace being an “unmerited gift”. My first week on the job this slogan went through my head over and over. I became especially choked up when we helped people at Sherbourne and Dundas. I had come full circle in life.

 

It’s a privilege to be able to help people who are in a similar situation as I once was. As an Outreach Worker, for Ve'ahavta, I hand out food, clothes, hygiene and harm reduction. When people ask me if I’m not just enabling people to use drugs by handing out harm reduction? I tell them that I’m helping them stay safe and alive because one day they may want to make the choice I did to get sober. I’m making sure the road is clear of some obstacles for that time.

 

At every job people tend to get caught up in the everyday minutia of things and slide into a routine. Whenever I feel myself doing this, I try to bring to mind the 12 Step saying “Remember When”. I always want to remember what I was like prior to getting better so I don’t lose the empathy that those I meet, as an outreach worker, need. 

 

https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?registrationID=5044263&langPref=en-CA

 

 

 

Let's Get Back to the Basics in this Pandemic

 

When the pandemic first hit the world and lockdowns came into effect, I said it was a bad idea. I said it to colleagues, to friends, family and on social media. I was constantly mocked and people, full of fear, said lockdowns were the only way. I stated that we had to balance things out as the toll on mental health, addictions, etc. would be vast. A recent report by the Canadian Medical Association finally proves me right.

The rise in substance abuse is also troubling. The number of opioid-related deaths across Canada went from roughly 10 per day in 2019 to 17 per day in 2020. In the first three months of 2021, that figure rose to 20 per day. Hospitalizations for opioid, alcohol and stimulant abuse all rose as well. (Brian Lilley, Toronto Sun, Nov. 30/21)

When the first lockdown hit everything shut down including 12 Step meetings. Fortunately, there was Zoom and people were able to meet on that. However, for those who did not have proper Wi-Fi, were technologically unsavvy, etc. it was not helpful. I remember being booted out of meetings due to Wi-Fi issues myself. It was very frustrating. The Province of Ontario, Canada finally declared 12 Step meetings essential, and people could meet in person. Unfortunately, fear had already set in, and the majority of meetings did not reopen for a very long time. Luckily, my home group did not let fear get in the way of fulfilling the 12^th Step and we opened our doors. For a long time, we were the only group in my area that had face-to-face meetings. I remember the first meeting we had after the original lockdown – it was a spiritual experience. I realized the importance of seeing and talking to people in person rather than via a camera. Many AA members were so grateful they joined the group.

With the introduction of vaccines, etc. the world started to reopen and so did many 12 Step groups. However, now they have started asking people to write their name and phone number down before entering. I have over 16 years sobriety and wasn’t bothered by this at all. However, for a newcomer who is wary of coming to a meeting, and is dependent on anonymity to get them through the doors, this move may have turned them away. As anyone in recovery knows the window for change is very small and once an obstacle comes in your way one will return to their comfort zone – active addiction. This can be deadly and for many during the pandemic it was. Canada had it’s most overdoses ever. A sad state of affairs indeed.

Now I see AA members demanding that we ask for a vaccine passport. To me this breaks Tradition 10, “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy. I understand this demand is based on fear. Fear guided me through my active years in addiction. When I got sober, completed the Steps and “recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (Big Book, 1939) I let go of fear and continue to try my best not to let it control my life today. It’s time to for us to stick to the basics and to follow through with Step 12, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs”.

Dave the Dude

Recovery versus the Pandemic: Oh the challenges

 

It’s been over a year of this pandemic and it has been challenging for everyone. One thing I have learned in sobriety is that one must accept life on life terms and this pandemic is no exception. I’ve had many challenges in my recovery from the death of my beloved Father to colon cancer which resulted in an extremely painful recovery that almost led to a nervous breakdown. The pain was so great that I decided to take Percocet as prescribed by my doctor. I informed my sponsor of this decision and took the pills as directed. I stopped taking them once the pain became tolerable. That painful experience provided me with a whole new respect of people who deal with chronic pain. But I digress – I was talking about the challenges of this pandemic One word - Zoom. At the beginning of the pandemic, when all the meetings shuttered (at least in my area), it was the saving grace. People were able to attend meetings across the world. Which is pretty damn cool!! I stuck to my area and primarily to my home group. Unfortunately my Wi-Fi connection wasn’t the best and there was many the time where I lost the connection and was only able to attend part of the meeting. Usually meetings leave me feeling serene but when I have technical problems my serenity is quickly lost. But I managed. I was able to fix my Wi-Fi issues and the meetings went on. Several months in my home group was finally able to meet in person. Oh the gratitude!! One never really appreciates something until it’s taken away from them. When my home group got back together, following our first lockdown, it was like coming home after a long voyage. I realized the importance of in-person meetings. Even if you can’t hug one another (my home group is very close) it makes all the difference. My area has been back in a lockdown situation twice since then but my group continues to meet in-person. As far as I know we are the only group doing this in my area. There’s a 10 person limit and COVID19 safety protocols are followed. The most people we’ve had so far have been nine. I’m hoping once the weather warms up, and we can hold meetings outside, those numbers will increase

One of the things I have to look out for in sobriety is when I start to isolate. It’s a sure warning sign that I have to make some changes. But when one is forced to isolate, as a result of public safety protocol, then it makes things tough. One thing that alcoholic/addicts are good at is facing adversity and I had to make allowances. From social media recovery groups, to texting and calling close friends in recovery (including my sponsor) I was able to keep in touch with healthy people in recovery. I’ll still be glad when I’m able to do this in person. But as previously said - life on life terms and this is the current reality.

A big challenge I have faced during this pandemic was career wise. I had been working for the same place for over four years – a non-profit organization which helps people with mental health issues. When the pandemic hit there were a lot of changes and many of the organization’s programs were shut down. Staff were crammed together, vacations declined and punitive and illogical safety procedures were put in place. Management used this to their advantage and were able to turn certain staff into spies (AKA: snitches) who reported anything they deemed unsafe from someone who forgot to put a mask on within 30 seconds of leaving a non-mask area to someone eating at their desk (because for some illogical reason health authorities deemed eating a cookie at desk as a sure way to pass COVID on). Staff began to distrust each other and morale plummeted. Then redeployment a moment’s notice began. For some reason this redeployment was forced, primarily, on myself and one other colleague. One day I was asked to redeploy and lost my temper. I raised my voice and swore to aloud. Unfortunately one of the snitches was around and decided that me getting upset made the workplace unsafe for her. The snitch called the evil manager (who the week before had yelled at client causing the client to feel unsafe resulting in the client leaving the facility) and that manager began an investigation. The investigation involved interviewing everyone but me. As a result I was fired. The union is currently grieving this. Two hours after getting fired I had a new job. I look back at this situation and, as AA has taught me, look at my part in it. My part is losing my temper and not having my acceptance higher than my expectations. My expectations were that management would treat all employees equal. Alas this rarely happens in the world.

As my area returns to another 28 day lockdown all I can do is accept this and live life on life’s terms. My home group continues to meet face-to-face and I thank my higher power for that! I have a roof over my head and a job. I’m sober, above the grass and not in jail. Alas, for many this is not the case and the pandemic has made it hard for newcomers. Higher power willing this pandemic will soon be over and AA can return to as it once was.

Dave the Dude. 

No Trigger for Me

 

I was listening to talk radio today and they were discussing a call from local liquor makers to have booze sold in grocery stores. Right now only beer and wine are sold there and even that is relatively new. I live in Ontario, Canada which has had a Victorian Era outlook on booze. People were calling into the radio station to give their two cents as to why they either agreed or disagreed with the idea. One caller adamantly opposed the idea. His reasoning was that it would trigger and cause alcoholics to drink. I cringed upon hearing him.

I attended my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on January 7, 2005 and have been sober since. As a result of working and living the 12 Steps of AA I have become a recovered alcoholic.

As a recovered alcoholic I am not triggered by seeing a bottle of booze. I am not triggered by seeing a beer commercial. I can go into a bar and watch a band while people drink around me without being fearful that I will run up to the bar and begin to drink. As a recovered alcoholic that is the freedom I was promised and the freedom I enjoy today. Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, did not want people to hide and cower from booze. The program he and the first 100 members of AA developed allows one to lose the obsession over alcohol and thus not have to worry about being triggered.

One can easily fall back into danger if he/she does not continue to work and live the 12 Steps but if one has a good sponsor and self-awareness he/she can stop this backslide and return to a healthy, spiritual, physical and emotional, recovery.

Dave the Dude.

People, Places and Things

I recently wrote about how dangerous it is to tell people that “meeting makers make it”. However, Alcoholics Anonymous is filled with various clichés that do ring true for me. Some of my favourites are:

SLIP: Sobriety Loses It’s Priority

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

It works if you work it and you’re worth it so work it.

If you hang around a barbershop long enough you’re going to get a haircut

The barbershop cliché is a great segue into the one I wanted to address. People, places and things. During a meeting the other day someone said they couldn’t control people, places and things. I totally disagree with that statement. I have control over the people I hang out with, the places I hang out at and the things I surround myself with.

When I got into recovery I had to make some big changes (see cliché above). I changed the people I hung around. I wasn’t judging them or casting aspersions on them but they were detrimental to my recovery. A week out of my last treatment centre, a little over two months into recovery, I was driving home from a meeting and a car beside me started honking, the driver motioning for me to pull over. I figured it was someone from AA so I pulled over. It turned out it was a former crack dealer asking me if I wanted something. I said no thanks and that was it. I told that story to someone and they asked me if I told him off. I responded by saying no, up to a little while ago I’d been avidly seeking him out. He didn’t know I wasn’t interested in anymore and there was no need to get nasty. I started surrounding myself with AA people. I had a few close friends that I talked to daily. My first year I went to this coffee shop every night. There was a group of AAers who went there after meetings. We talked about recovery but also just chatted about every day stuff. I began to feel good in my new social setting realizing that I didn’t have to drink to fit in.

Lastly, I chose what types of things I have in my life. I don’t have bongs on my mantle. I don’t have fluorescent beer sign on my wall. Etc. Etc.

Through the 12 Steps I gained freedom. While active in my alcoholism and addiction I had no freedom. I was controlled by my higher power – alcohol/drugs – and did everything for it. Having lost the obsession over alcohol and mind altering substances I now have the freedom to make my own choices. I also have to face the consequences if those choices are wrong.

Dave the Dude

Meeting Makers Don't Make It!

If it’s one thing that these trying times are proving to people in recovery is that Meeting Makers Don’t Make It. Don’t get me wrong I truly believe that meetings are very important. Alcoholics Anonymous is built on three pillars – Unity, Service and Recovery. Unity is going to meetings, talking to people and getting that face-to-face support. Service is helping your group, your area, etc. Recovery is completing those steps. 


At the end of my very first AA meeting I was surrounded by members, given phone numbers, encouragement and provided with hope. The people there could tell, before I even shared, that I was a newcomer. The shaking from withdrawal and the shaggy beard were a dead giveaway. I feel bad for newcomers in these times as the same type of reception I received is impossible from a Zoom meeting. But saying that “meeting makers make it” is both dangerous and wrong. If I had just gone to meetings and not completed the steps I’d either be a dry drunk, plain old drunk or dead. 


I see posts daily on social media about people relapsing because they can’t get to meetings. Either these people are newcomers or people who have been relying solely on meetings to keep them sober. As it says in the Big Book, “frothy, emotional appeal seldom suffices.” Just going to meetings is that frothy emotion that Dr. Silkworth was talking about. 


I am a recovered alcoholic/addict. I am recovered because I completed the 12 Steps of recovery and work them daily into my life. The Steps have given me freedom to go anywhere and experience anything without drinking. These trying times are causing anxiety, depression, anger, etc. but I have the coping skills to deal with these emotions without taking a drink or drug. 


I miss face-to-face meetings but I’m not losing my sobriety over it. The Steps have shown me that I have to take responsibility for my actions and that using a lack of face-to-face interactions as an excuse to drink is not taking responsibility. That’s my old way of thinking. Nothing changes if nothing changes and the Steps bring about a positive change. God bless.

Dave the Dude.

My Renascent Experience

Renascent is an addictions treatment centre in my neck of the woods. It's coming up to it's 50th anniversary and they asked people to submit stories of their experience with them. Here's the one I submitted.

I heard about Renascent at my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on January 7, 2005 (also my sober date). As I was a newcomer the people at the meeting swarmed me afterward offering help. I mentioned that I was thinking of going to treatment and some of the guys told me about this great place called Renascent. A few days after that I was booked for my assessment. Back then you did the assessments at one of the houses and so I went to Sullivan House. The counsellor who was carrying out my assessment asked me what previous treatment centres I had gone to. I shared that I had been to Donwood and Pinewood and the counsellor wisely stated that, “once you come out of the woods you come to Renascent!” How right he was! I would actually use that line myself many times when I worked for Renascent’s Access Centre a few years later. I was given an entry date for treatment and told that if I attended AA meetings regularly, and checked in every day by phone, I may be able to get in early. I did just that. One of the guys who were at my first meeting also volunteered at Renascent. We became fast friends and he took me up there one day for an Alumni meeting where I got to meet some of the counsellors. Eventually, after a few weeks of calling on a daily basis, I was let in a month or so early.

My Dad dropped off at Sullivan Centre later that March and I began my 21 days of treatment. The counsellors were all great guys each with their own unique style of counselling. There was George who knew the Big Book verbatim. There was Gerry who would end up speaking at my one year medallion. There was Rod the enforcer, he told it like it was. Mike the 12 Step enthusiast. Jimmy who was as hilarious as he was kind. John another straight shooter. Ken the Start Trek fan who told us that when it came to the 12 Steps resistance was futile. Plus the manager John and assistant manager Graydon who both would be mentors to me a couple years later. There was also the great cooks Lilian and the gang. All these people would have a big impact in my recovery. I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention the house dog Floyd. He was a great big Newfoundland Labrador. Every day I would wake up and give him a big hug to. Sadly Floyd was getting up there in age and was nearing the end of his life. One night I had a dream that I was walking along the sidewalk and Floyd’s head kept popping out of the clouds to watch me. The next day Floyd had to be put to sleep. I interpreted that dream to mean that Floyd would be looking out for me from the beyond during my recovery journey.

One of my favourite things in treatment was boarding the big yellow school bus each. Each evening it would take us out into the community to attend 12 Step meetings. As I had already been going to meetings daily, for around two months, I knew a lot of the people there. I got to know the Fellowship even better during my tenure in treatment.

Once a week every client would have a meeting with a counsellor. It was during one of these meetings where a simple conversation would change my life. I was meeting with Mike and he was talking to me about what I planned to do for work. I had been in the public relations field for several years prior to entering recovery and did not want to return to it. He asked me what I wanted to do in life and I said, “I’d love to do what you do but I’m way too old for that”. His reply was, “Are you kidding. I’m way older than you and this is my student placement”. I was amazed and inspired and left that meeting with a new goal in life. Following treatment I would begin my journey into becoming an addictions counsellor.

I graduated treatment and started going to meetings with a small group of guys who were in Renascent with me. Our small group began to dwindle as the months passed by until I was the only one left still going to meetings. I continued to go to meetings daily (twice if I could), went back to Renascent once a week for the Alumni meetings and was even briefly part of the Alumni committee. While all this was going on I entered into Durham College’s Post-Grad Addictions Counselling Program. I was surprised that out of around 25 people only two of us were in recovery. As part of the Addictions Program one had to do a student placement. Luckily for me mine would be with Renascent. At first it was a bit weird for me being on the “other side of the table”, so to speak, because the people I was working with were all my counsellors when I was in treatment. During my placement I learned a ton – way more than I learned by sitting in class. Following my graduation I began to volunteer at Sullivan Centre throughout the week and eventually was asked to become a relief worker. That relief worker job turned into a fulltime job at the Access Centre in Toronto. There was a slew of people I met working there, most notably, Charles and Tony, who’s daily conversations helped me a lot in my personal recovery. I still quote Tony to this day, “I can’t have serenity until my acceptance is higher than my expectations”. I worked at the Access Centre for around a year then went on to work at a different treatment centre. Several years later, during a rocky working year, I was given the privilege to work as a relief worker once more at Renascent splitting my time between Punanai House and the Access Centre where I met a whole new gang of great people.

As a result of my experience with Renascent I’ll always have a warm spot in my heart for it and those who work there. I’m no longer solely in the addictions filed but work as a Mental Health Crisis Intervention Worker. However, there are lots of people with addictions I deal with addictions often goes hand-in-hand with mental health. Whenever I talk to someone wanting treatment I make sure Renascent is at the top of my list of suggestions. I can honestly say that when it comes to my recovery my renaissance began with Renascent.

Dave the Dude

Homeless, addicted and mentally ill - Changes Needed!

But for a brief period living in Montreal and then Toronto I’ve lived the majority of my life in Oshawa, Ontario which is in Durham Region. Like much of Canada there is a huge homeless problem in the region. The problem has gotten so huge that it’s, in my opinion, negatively affecting some of Durham’s health resources as well.

 

Let me address the homeless issue first. Durham needs more shelters. There is only one men’s shelter (Cornerstone) and one women’s shelter (Muslim Welfare Home) in the region. Cornerstone has a two week stay and one cannot re-access the services for 45 days – it used to be 21 days. I don’t have the exact numbers for the Muslim Welfare Home but believe them to be similar. Those who stay at the shelter are supposed to be looking for housing and there are workers on-hand to aid in the search. It’s extremely hard for someone to find housing in just two weeks especially if they have some of the barriers that many homeless people face (i.e. – mental health; addictions; are on OW or ODSP so have very little money for rent). Add to that the fact that shelters (in Durham and elsewhere) are requiring people to show ID to prove they are from the region where the shelter is. Having worked with the homeless population I’m quite aware of the fact that they are quite transient and often lose their ID on a regular basis. This inane rule came about as a result of an influx of refugees welcomed into Canada (by the Federal government), with no thought about where the money would come from to house them. But I digress. There is one youth shelter for men/women/other 24-years-old and under as well as four shelters for women fleeing violence (these are not open to women who are “just” homeless). The shelters are full on a regular basis leaving many without a place to sleep. Hence tent cities have been springing up around the region, most notably in Oshawa.

 

Due to lack of resources to help the growing homeless population they are seeking shelter wherever they can, and who could blame them. Thus they are taking up beds designed to help those suffering from addictions and/or mental health issues. Durham has one withdrawal centre, Pinewood, for those seeking help coming off of drugs/alcohol. Pinewood is considered a hospital emergency room service so does not have the right to turn someone away if a bed is available (and the person meets the criteria to access a bed). As a result people who have no interest in getting sober or don’t even have an addiction are seeking and receiving beds at Pinewood thus taking up space needed by those legitimately needing the bed because they want to recover from their addiction. Durham Region also has three mental health crisis houses, run by Durham Mental Health Services (DMHS), that offer short-term stays for people in a mental health crisis (e.g. – people needing a break from the stress of their daily lives; people wanting extra support to prevent self-harm; etc.). These beds are now being taken more and more by people who are homeless thus preventing some from getting the mental health support they need and flooding our hospitals causing wait times at the ER to go up.

 

The solution is simple. We need more shelters for the homeless, including a family one. This will take the pressure off of Pinewood and DMHS and allow them to focus on what they were set up to do. The current homeless shelters need to increase the time one is allowed to access them to at-least 30 days and return to the 21 day re-access period. Even these measures won’t be sufficient but they are a start. In the meantime it would be great if Durham set up some sort of street outreach program. There is a great one in York Region where a van goes out into the community from 1:30 PM to 9:00 PM seven days a week. It travels to different parts of the region on different days and times. People are able to call the van and set up appointments for things they need. The van has ready-made food for homeless people and also has a selection of clothes (including underwear, shoes/boots), blankets and sleeping bags. It has dog and cat food for people with pets. The van also offers food to people who have a place to stay but need the extra help to feed themselves and often their family. It offers a needle exchange program too.

 

The government should also take away the emergency room status of Pinewood so it does not have to take people who are not serious about their recovery or have no addiction issue at all. People should not be able to access the withdrawal centre several times a month, which is what, happens, preventing someone who is serious about recovery from getting help. By allowing someone ongoing access we are just enabling them in their addiction which doesn’t help them in the least.

 

Another solution to the homeless problem would be a guaranteed income. Sure someone people would take advantage of such a program but they are already taking advantage of the current programs. A guaranteed income would cut down on hospital visits and cut down on crime. If implemented correctly it would save a ton of money too. Currently people on OW or ODSP are barely scraping by. They are always in a state of emergency. With a guaranteed income these people would have some breathing room as their essential needs would be taken care of and they concentrate on going to school and/or looking for work. In the long run it is the best for society and the economy.

 

Just a few ideas I thought I’d share.

Dave the Dude

Setting the Record Straight

Let’s set the record straight. In regards to 12 Step Programs here’s what I was taught by those who went before me and what I tell newcomers who ask me questions or to sponsor them. First of all the guide to the 12 Steps is the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book).  It was written by the first 100 members of AA and hasn’t changed since 1939. The Big Book states:

We of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred, men and women,

who have RECOVERED from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

 

Note the word: Recovered. It’s not recovering. We have completed and continue to work the 12 Steps and as a result are no longer powerless over alcohol. As Step One says: “We WERE powerless…” This nonsense people spout that if one doesn’t say they are recovering they are going to relapse is pure nonsense. Why would I want to join a fellowship if there was no hope in sight? It was the hope I felt leaving my first meeting that prompted me to go to my second meeting and so on and so on.

 

Now let’s address marijuana. In regards to a 12 Step Program if you are using marijuana you are not in recovery. I’m not saying not to do it if you think it’s helping you out medicinally in some way. I’m just saying when it comes to the programs of AA, CA, NA, etc. you are not considered recovered if you’re smoking, eating etc. the Ganja. I can’t join the Church of Scientology and then say Xenu doesn’t exist. If I join a 12 Step Program then I have to respect the program not try to change it meet my current condition. That’s what I did when I was active in my addiction. I kept trying to change the outside world to suit me rather than changing myself. “Lack of power that was our dilemma” (Big Book).

 

“Now about sex…It’s so easy to get way off track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes” I keep hearing judgment of others who have relationships in the Fellowship. Let’s use some common sense. For many people if they want to be successful in recovery they have to give up many of their old friends and acquaintances. I know my first year of sobriety I was going to a minimum of one meeting a day, two if I was able. I would then go to a coffee shop every night to hang out with sober people and to shoot the shit. Just as romances strike up at some people’s workplaces it’s inevitable that romances are going to strike up in the Fellowship as that is where the majority of one’s socializing occurs. Now, I’m not advocating someone with multiple years of sobriety trying to bang a newcomer – I’m a firm believer in men stick with men and women with women – however, if two people, who are rooted in their recovery, decide to go out what business is it of ours to judge? I say good luck.

 

Finally I’ll end with talking about people who show up to a meeting intoxicated or they are still drinking outside of the meetings. I’ll quote a long-timer who talked to me about this early in my recovery: You don’t sober up to come to AA. You come to AA to sober up.

 

And that’s me setting the record straight.

Dave the Dude