My Dream

When I was in college for addictions counselling we had this great assignment where we got to design our own treatment centre. The instructor told us we had unlimited funding (imagine that in the real word!) and we could do whatever we want. Now that I’ve been in recovery for over a decade and involved in addictions counselling for almost as long I thought it’d be fun, using the same parameters, to write about how I would set up a treatment centre.

The treatment centre would be in a house setting. The majority of treatment centres I’ve worked at have been in old houses and I feel this type of setting lends itself to the therapeutic community that is essential for any good rehab. The facility would cater to both men and women, ages 18 and up, and treatment would be free – no fee-for-service. Women would be allowed to bring children with them as there would not only be a daycare facility but also a children’s program. This program would be in addition to the centre’s family program.

Program stay would be anywhere from 28 days to 35 days with aftercare available. There would be no therapists involved in the residential portion of treatment but referrals would be made post-treatment or even several months into the aftercare program. It’s my firm belief that not everyone needs a therapist to get sober and therapy style treatment in the first six months of recovery does more harm than good. While not a medical facility a doctor would meet with clients once a week to take care of any physical needs including those having liver issues, pancreas issues as well as those infected with Hepatitis and/or HIV.

The centre would be an abstinent based one. No methadone but Suboxone would be allowed if the person had a plan to wean off completely. The program itself would be firmly rooted in the 12 Steps of recovery with each client being assigned a 12 Step counsellor in order to gain a firm understanding of what the Steps are about and how they are worked. The clients would be taken to 12 Step meetings every night with attendance being mandatory. The meetings would be either Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous. The facility would have a gym and twice a week clients would have the choice to use the gym with a trainer or partake of a yoga class. Every week there would be group sessions on relapse prevention, denial management and daily meditation. Twice a week there would be separate men’s and women’s groups. Depending on the need a LGBT group could be added to this. The centre would take an holistic approach offering group acupuncture and hypnotherapy sessions to help with anxiety and withdrawal.

No mobile phones would be allowed nor iPods or anything with a screen. However, computers would be made available to check emails and do banking, etc. All social media would be blocked. Phone time would be available at certain times for social calls but time would be limited. We would serve caffeinated coffee and clients can eat candy if they desire. However, a nutritionist would have at least one session with each client. If the client desired to have further meetings with the nutritionist to help create a healthy meal plan post-treatment then that would be arranged.  As the centre is teaching the “we” part of recovery all clients would be assigned basic daily chores including, garbage, setting the table, cleaning, etc.

Mandatory individual counselling sessions would be held once a week with clients working on weekly recovery goals in an effort to formulate a discharge plan to show how they plan to take what they learned in treatment and apply it to the real world. Since money is no object the facility would also have its own sober living community post-treatment houses for those who needed that extra time to transition back into the everyday grind. Once a person graduated from the centre they would become an alumnus and be able to drop by, but not stay overnight, for groups. An alumni association would eventually be formed with the goal of helping new clients.

I’m sure once I started up such a facility things would have to be tweaked here as everything is a learning experience. I often hear lottery commercials on the radio/TV with people stating what they would do if they ever won – from buying an island, to travelling, to buying mansions, etc. If I ever win the lottery, and it was enough, I would open my own treatment centre. I already know which people I’d ask to work with me.

Dave the Dude

The Word is Powerful

I’m a firm believer that the Type Three Alcoholic/Addict will not achieve recovery through a spiritual awakening unless he/she completes (and continues to practice) the 12 Steps. Saying that I think those of us who are recovered have to be careful what we say around the newcomer so as to not to give them the wrong idea.

A common saying that recovered alcoholics/addicts say is, “it’s not the meetings you make but the Steps you take”. I agree wholeheartedly but if a newcomer were to hear this without further explanation he/she may think that meetings are not important at all. When I first entered Alcoholics Anonymous I went to a meeting every day (sometimes two) even as I was working on my Steps. One of the legacies of Alcoholics Anonymous (and I would say CA as well) is unity. I believe that unity is found through the Fellowship and that can only be found at meetings. I know I would not have been able to stay sober if it were not for the multitude of meetings I attended and support (positive energy) that Fellowship provided me. When speaking I often say that the Fellowship carried me on their shoulders for the first few months of my recovery.

It is the aforementioned positive energy that I was able to use as a stepping stone to my Higher Power. Carl Jung called it the collective unconscious. For the first time in a long time I was surrounded by people who wanted me to get well and didn’t want anything in return. They told me to come back rather than stay away. They didn’t care if I was shaky or disheveled, they loved me for me.

Just as it is inherently dangerous to say things like, “don’t drink and go to meetings” it is also dangerous to criticize the notion that lots of meetings will help someone. It was at the meetings that I learned how important the Steps were and that the Big Book was the instruction manual. It was at meetings where I found my sponsor and formed a support network of healthy recovered people that I have remained in contact with for over a decade. And it is at meetings that I find newcomers to pass on what was so freely given to me.

Another dangerous thing to say to newcomers is, “stick with the winners not the losers”. The Big Book tells me those who have not yet gotten the program and continue to act/think in a toxic manner are spiritually ill. They are not losers. To say someone is a loser implies that there is no hope. A better way to phrase this would be to suggest to newcomers to hang around people who have completed the Steps and recovered from this “seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body.”

Language is very important and the word can be a powerful tool. I’m sober not clean – a house is clean. I’m recovered not recovering – telling the newcomer I’m recovered shows them that this illness can be put into remission. Meetings are important but if you don’t do the Steps then they won’t be enough. As don Miguel Ruiz Jr. said, “are you letting knowledge control you or are you controlling knowledge?”

Dave the Dude

Coming To Terms With Harm Reduction

I’ve had an interesting relationship with harm reduction over the years. Prior to sobering up in January of 2005 I tried my luck with controlled drinking and failed miserably. At the time I didn’t know about the phenomenon of craving when it comes to alcohol. I’m one of the 10 per cent of the population who have the disease of alcoholism. A few years into recovery I also tried to cut down my smoking but failed at that as well. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy.

Early into recovery I became an addictions counsellor and my first job was with the same agency that I got sober at. It was a disease-model, abstinence-based, centre which put heavy emphasis into the 12 Steps of recovery. At that time I was steadfast in my belief that abstinence was the only way to achieve recovery, the 12 Step way at that. For my own recovery I feel that was the place I needed to be. For me, harm reduction doesn’t work and will only lead to disaster. As my career branched out to other treatment centres I began to take another look at my devotion to the idea that abstinence is the only way to go. When I speak of abstinence I’m talking about abstinence from all mind altering substances, including alcohol, marijuana and benzodiazepines, no matter what your preferred method of escape was. Oxycontin use was on the rise and more and more people were seeking treatment for addiction to it. A segment of these people became addicted to Oxy after a doctor prescribed it to them for a legitimate reason. This particular group never had an issue with alcohol or other substances. I started feel that this group of people may be able to drink alcohol or smoke marijuana safely. However, they would have to be very careful in case a problem arose.

Over the years I’ve been in recovery and addiction counselling I saw several types of harm reduction. From Methadone to Suboxone, I’m still of the belief that when it comes to opiate addiction (not in the case of the aforementioned population segment) the greatest chance for an optimal quality life is complete abstinence from alcohol and all mind altering substances. However, I’m no longer so naïve as to think that everyone can accomplish this and have realized that some individuals will be on these types of medications for years, maybe even life. However, I firmly believe that the harm reduction factor is wiped out if doctors continue to prescribe these medications knowing that the persons using them are using other substances at the same time.

Recently I changed up my career. I am no longer an addictions counsellor but am what’s called a Peer Support Worker helping marginalized segments of our population. Most notably people suffering from mental health issues, addictions and homelessness. As part of my new job I get to ride in an Outreach Van handing out food, clothes, blankets, etc. Part of the van’s function is also a needle exchange program. Not only do we hand out clean needles but arm ties, cooking kits and other types of paraphernalia needed to shoot-up substances. I know that I would not have been able to carry out this type of work early in my recovery but today it doesn’t bother me in the least. It’s not my job, professionally or personally, to tell people how they should live their lives. If they ask me for a better way then I’m available to guide them in that direction. Until then I’m just happy to be preventing the spread of disease and allowing addicts to maintain some level of dignity.

Dave the Dude

To Swear or Not to Swear

To swear or not to swear that is the question. What am I talking about? Every once in a while I get into a debate with someone on whether it’s okay to swear at the front of the rooms when sharing your experience, strength and hope. I’m of the belief that one should not swear. I was taught, by those who went before me, that when I share my story at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (or any other fellowship) I am representing AA and if a newcomer sees me swearing up a storm I’m not representing the fellowship very well.

Another reason I don’t swear at the front of the room (and try not to in my day-to-day life) is that swearing is negative and anti-spiritual. I expressed this to someone recently and they launched into a giant tirade about me judging their spirituality. The person said, “Who are you to judge my spirituality?” I wasn’t judging the person. I just know, for myself, “a spiritual awakening is a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]” (Big Book, 1939). I acted and thought one way prior to recovery and I act and think differently now. The old me swore left, right and centre and the new me tries not to, especially when sharing my story at the front of a 12 Step meeting.

My friend was perfectly correct. It’s not up to me to tell someone not to swear when they share (except for my sponsees). However, this debate always brings back the memory of a meeting I attended at a fellowship I rarely attend any longer. I was at an open speaker meeting and the speaker was doing a great job. I thought he was great until he suddenly said, “…and then I found my fucking Higher Power”. As soon as he said that I realized that I didn’t want the kind of sobriety that guy had.

I understand it’s, “progress not perfection” (Big Book, 1939),  and that the odd swear word may slip out once in a while abut when it’s purposely done I have to wonder what it the point. Recovery is about change. If hold on to my old ideas that swearing is perfectly okay then I remain stagnant and do not change. As I was taught when I entered recovery if nothing changes my sobriety date will.

Dave the Dude

A Sad State of Affairs

For the second year in a row I attended Toronto’s Recovery Day event. As a person who is proud to be in recovery I think Recovery Day is a great idea. It originated in the U.S. as part of the Voices in Recovery Movement (VRM). It’s a grassroots movement with, from my understanding, a two-fold purpose. First to remove the stigma that people who suffer from the disease of addiction face. Second, to act as the vanguards of advocacy to get legislation passed to treat addiction as a disease rather than a crime.

Last year’s event in Toronto was not well attended and I blamed a broken down subway line. However, this year the subway was fine and there seemed to be even less people in attendance. I believe the reason for this is that the people in recovery, those the VRM want to help, refuse to embrace the movement. I further believe that this refusal is based on a misinterpretation of the anonymity tradition followed by 12 Step fellowships world-wide. People have this mistaken belief that if you tell someone you are a recovered alcoholic/addict or as the VRM would word it, “a person of recovery”, you are breaking anonymity. Bill Wilson, co-founder of the original 12 Step Fellowship Alcoholics Anonymous and author of the 12 Traditions, did not want people to hide the fact that they had, “recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” from the rest of the world. Recovered people do not hide from the world they embrace it. Bill Wilson spoke before a U.S. Congressional Committee in the 1960s (after the 12 Traditions had been adopted) and both him and Dr. Bob Smith (AA’s other co-founder) appointed Marty Mann (AKA: The First Lady of AA) to be a spokesperson to the world in an effort to educate the public that addiction wasn’t a lack of morals or will-power but a medical disease. I firmly believe that both Bill and Dr. Bob would not only attend a Recovery Day in their area but announce at meetings as well.

I am a person of long-term recovery which means I haven’t seen the need to take a drink or mind-altering substance since January 7, 2005. In my recovery journey I have seen first-hand the stigma people with mental health/addiction issues face and the lack of government funded treatments for those who suffer from this illness. I have experienced the strength of various 12 Step Fellowships and the enthusiasm those involved have for recovery events. When I was six months sober I had the privilege to attend the World Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous in Toronto. Along with 50,000 other people I said the Serenity Prayer in the SkyDome. I walked the streets of Toronto proudly displaying my World Conference AA Pass for all to see. From what I observed the majority of those in attendance weren’t hiding their passes either. I regularly attend the annual Ontario Regional Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous (ORC) at the Royal York in Toronto. Although not quite 50,000 people attend there are a good 3,000. At the local AA meetings I attend the ORC and smaller events are regularly announced and received with enthusiasm by a group voracious to attend all things recovery themed. However, when I announced Recovery Day in my area I was met with hostility by some.

The founders of the 12 Step movements were for helping the still suffering person. The Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous states that it doesn’t know everything and promotes cooperation with those who also want to help. This cooperation was clearly not present in Toronto on the last two Recovery Days (2015 & 2016). I was glad to see a Narcotics Anonymous Booth there but aggrieved that no booth existed for either Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous. I’ve seen AA booths set up in other community celebrations and/or information days but not for the one set aside especially for those it was formed to help. In fact the Toronto Intergroup is anti-Recovery Day which I can only assume is based on the aforementioned misinterpretation of anonymity tradition.

The Voices in Recovery Movement seeks to show politicians that those in Recovery do vote and can have significant sway in elections. It’s based on the movement by the gay community formed in the 1980s when it was faced with the AIDS epidemic. Sad to say, at least in Toronto, this advocacy movement is not as successful as the one it tries to emulate. In fact, based on the numbers of people in attendance I cannot see our current government or any future one making any changes to the health care system that would help the still suffering alcoholic/addict. A sad state of affairs - indeed.

Dave the Dude

My AA Nightmare

As I sat in the meeting last night I observed that the gentleman next to me had a bad cold. As the meeting went on I noticed that he was blowing his nose and using tissue after tissue. It appeared to be quite the mucus mess. I had a hard time remaining in the now as all I could think of was having to hold his hand during the closing prayer thus risking picking up whatever virus was wreaking havoc on his body. 

At the conclusion of the meeting I was relieved to see the gentleman had gone to the bathroom and not yet returned. I finished the meeting grateful I did not have to take ahold of the infected hand. 

Later that night as I awoke with the beginnings of a sore throat it dawned on me I had shaken the aforementioned gentleman's hand when I introduced myself prior to the start of the meeting. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! 😱

Dave the Dude

Objectionable Treatment Practices

There is a plethora of addiction/mental health treatment centres across Canada, many of them private. In Ontario anyone with a load of money and/or a desire to make more can open one as there is no regulations whatsoever and no plans in the near future to bring in any. This opens the playing field to a host of ne-er-do-wells who take advantage of the lack of regulation, preying on the misery and desperation of families suffering from the disease of addiction and/or mental health. Not only do these people prey on those needing help they also prey on those wanting to help the sick individuals.

Many of the people who open a treatment centre get it into because they have found recovery themselves. Unfortunately, as we say in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you sober up a horse thief you still have a horse thief. Or in this case if you sober up a scum-bag you still have a scum-bag. I’ve been in the field of addictions for over a decade now and have run into my fair share of unscrupulous people. Without naming names (as I’ve had to sign confidentiality agreements) let me share with you a few of my experiences.

There was one centre I had the displeasure to work for that seemed okay at the beginning. The front-line staff was great and even some of the on-site management. I began to see the perniciousness of the centre when I met the main owner. He made his money (prior to getting into the treatment business) by targeting the very people he now wanted to help with a string of payday loan outlets. Actually I wouldn’t say he wanted to help the ones who patronized those establishments as they wouldn’t be able to afford the addiction centre he had opened. This guy went after the whales of addiction – people who still had money or whose families did. I knew something was off with the guy when I first met him. He came to the centre in his high-priced car accompanies by his newly purchased pure-bred puppy. The puppy’s ears were a bleeding mess as the owner had just had them clipped. He mentioned that he had to return the puppy as it was sick. When I asked what would happen to the dog he shrugged it off giving a clear impression that he didn’t give a shit. As time went on myself and other staff realized that this guy didn’t not only didn’t give a shit about canines but didn’t care much for employees or those they were trying to help either. Problems soon arose with bounced bay cheques or none at all. At first staff was patient but when there was not even a sorry from this multi-mansion living owner we began to despair.

The centre owned by this Machiavellian of money-making didn’t have intake counsellors but sales people (a commonality of private centre in the province and across the nation). These sales people, posing as addiction experts, would say anything to get a client signed up for the $20,000 per/month treatment program. One of these hucksters was able to convince a disabled guy in a wheelchair to sign up for treatment, despite the fact that the facility was not accessible to someone in his condition. The guy was able to stick it out for three days before he came to his senses but that was all that was needed because after three days in the facility there was a no-money back clause in the treatment contract. I wish I could say this type of thing was isolated to this one centre but it is becoming a wide-spread epidemic amongst centres in Ontario and across Canada for that matter. Owners/CFOs/CEOs will often tell counsellors to try to makes sure a client stays in treatment at least to the no-money back clause kicks in.

I worked at this one place where families sent loved ones with extreme addiction/mental health issues to get help. Unfortunately for these people they weren’t properly assessed prior to coming to the centre and as a result staff was not properly informed of the issues the person was facing putting both them and clients’ safety in jeopardy. Again it seems the aura of green overshadowed the need to help. There were also very blurry lines between some clinical staff and clients. There was one counsellor who would take two individuals out for day passes when he was off-duty. There seemed to be no line between counsellor and client. There also appeared to be sets of rules that were enforced on regular clients but not on individuals who head clinical staff had a soft spot for. Treatment centres need to be client-centred but they also need to have a set of guidelines that must be adhered to or chaos ensues and no one is helped. For some reason I’ve seen these guidelines thrown by the wayside causing great havoc masked with veil of a therapeutic intervention.

At one centre clients facing therapeutic consequences for negative behaviours were able to plead to the owner to overrule clinical staff. The owner would do so, despite having no clinical training himself, thus throwing a whole stink on the therapeutic dynamic in the centre and undermining the authority of all. In my experience therapists often undermine the authority of addiction counsellors in much the same way but an owner doing this is, my in opinion, is much worse.

What can be done about this? The government must bring in regulation. A few organizations have been formed to try to bring a degree of professionalism but none are recognized by the province or the feds. When and if the government brings in regulations it needs to do so with input from experts in the field hailing from the many successful interventions, including 12 Step which government officials tend to be wary of – most likely because it has to do with a Higher Power which is not quantifiable.

Every so often I have friends and family asking for advice on places to send loved ones for addiction/mental health help. I have come to the conclusion that people should only be sent to institutions that have been around longer than 15 years. This isn’t the only criteria I tell them to look at but it is an important one

Dave the Dude