So I was at my favourite Tim Hortons Drive-Thru the other day waiting in line. I kept two car spaces between myself and the vehicle in front of me so that the those exiting could get out. From out of the blue this guy in a White Ford pick-up dashes in front of me. Not only did he cut in line he also blocked the exit for the vehicles I was trying to let out. Usually when a fellow motorist does something to piss me off I curse aloud in my vehicle. However, this time the rage was beyond that. I shouted the word asshole out several times, enunciating each syllable clearly, in hopes that he would be able to see it in his review mirror. Kind of stupid logic when I think about it now, for this guy was most likely the illiterate, white-trash, sleezoid, my hometown of Shwa (AKA: Oshawa) is known for. So it was ridiculous for me to think he could read yet alone read my lips through his rear-view mirror. Luckily these idiots are slowly going the way of the mullet. But I digress. Fuming it was finally my turn to order. I gave my usual order but at the end I requested that the employee tell the moron in front of me that he was an asshole. I'm pretty sure she didn't even though she told me she did when I got to the pick-up window.
This incident got me to thinking about the all the idiot motorists out there who don't seem to know, or care, about the rules of the road and care even less about being polite to their fellow motorists. Here are a few of my pet peeves that I see motorists commit each day.
Not signalling. Jesus, it's not to hard to push the little lever in your vehicle to communicate to those behind you that you are turning left or right. It drives me crazy when some one just stops in the middle of the road without a blinker on leaving those behind to question the sanity of the driver. While I'm on the subject of turning when I'm making a left hand turn (or going straight for that matter at a red light) I get as close as I can safely get to the centre of the road so that those behind me can either go straight or turn right. The curses echo throughout my car whenever I am stuck behind someone who cannot comprehend this simple idea. Sticking to the subject of signalling. I appreciate those who have mastered said skill but please, PLEASE, put your signal on prior to hitting your breaks. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I said I live in Oshawa which is often referred to as a dormitory town. Meaning, most of us sleep here but we commute to work outside of the city. The majority of people drive to Toronto (which I did for approximately five years) but luckily I drive the opposite way. Despite less traffic I still travel on the 401 and run into a multitude of moronic drivers. The worse offender is the person who does not understand that the left lane is not for those driving under the speed limit. If you wonder why vehicle after vehicle is passing you in the middle lane it probably means you are slowing everyone up by driving like a grandma in the fast lane. Move the fuck over already. When driving in this lane one is to maintain the speed of the, 'flow of traffic'. If you want to drive at a leisurely pace go in the middle or right lanes. It's easy for the majority of us to understand this simple rule but for some of you it does not seem to compute.
When getting on to a highway there is a lane called the on-ramp. There are two roles for this lane. First it is designed to allow one to merge into highway traffic. Secondly it is designed to allow someone to get up to highway speed in order to merge safely into said traffic. To this day I cannot understand the person who maintains city street speed while driving on an on-ramp. If you don't want to drive fast then take the scenic route or go to Toronto and take the DVP.
For those of us who are able to get up to a proper speed on the on-ramp would the guy in the lane next to us please move the hell over so we can get on. It's actually illegal for you stay in that lane, blocking those trying to merge into traffic.
The above pet peeves are but a few of the things other motorists do to irk myself and thousands, nay millions, of motorists on a daily basis. I would list more but my rage meter is going through the roof. I'd love to hear some your stories and pet peeves.
Oh and more thing - if I let you into traffic give me a damn wave or a head nod. I always do to those who show me driving compassion.
Dave the Dude
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
I Was a Defect Waiting for Character
In order for someone to recovery from an addiction one must be able to change. If nothing changes then nothing changes. As one completes The 12 Steps of Recvoery one finds out what needs to be changed within. When one completes Steps Four and Five he is left with a list of defects of character (AKA: toxic behaviours) that one has to change. I soon found out that I was a defect waiting for character.
A common list of character defects which Alcoholics Co-Founder Bill Wilson also termed short comings are as follows:
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
A common list of character defects which Alcoholics Co-Founder Bill Wilson also termed short comings are as follows:
- Selfishness.
- Self-centredness.
- People pleasing.
- Dishonesty.
- Maniupulative.
- Arrogant.
- Judgemental.
- Prideful.
- Gluttonous.
- Lustful.
The list can go on and on depending on the person. It's in Steps Six and Seven that we begin to try to rid ourselves of these defects of character. In most cases we cannot totally get rid of them but we try to lower them to the best of our ability. Part of the Seventh Step Prayer asks our Higher Power to, "...remove from me every single defect of character that which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows." An important part of this statement is the part that asks to remove the issues that interfere wtih one's usefulness. To me this means my Higher Power may want me to hold on to some of my character defects as they may be of use in the future. That would be part of my Higher Power's plan for me (AKA: Thy will be done -not mine).
In Step Six we become ready to get rid of them and in Step Seven we ask our Higher Power to help us. However, that doesn't mean these Steps are done. In my experience these Steps must be worked at on a daily basis. It's up to me to make the changes within msyelf that will allow me to turn these toxic behaviours into healthy ones. I do the best I can do and must have faith that once I have done that my Higher Power will take care of the rest.
I often use the Step 11 Prayer as a guideline to where I want to be:
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
—Saint Francis of Assisi—
I must always remember that it's progress not perfection but the above prayer is the ideal I strive for. Recovery is a way of life whereby I strive to be the best human being (not human doing) that I can be.
Dave the Dude
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Disturbing Trends
There are multiple roadblocks to people getting help for addictions. The first obstacle, and one of the hardest, is for someone to admit they have an issue and ask for help. In order for to that to occur there must be a level of trust. Prior to seeking treatmnet I trusted my family doctor enough to tell him all that I was up to - drinking, drugging and other risky behaviours. He did not judge me nor come right out and tell me to stop drinking, etc. What he did do was subtly influence me to come to the realization on my own that I had a problem and needed help in solving it. It was then that I took my first step in a long road towards recovery. The most important word in this story is 'trust'. I trusted my family doctor and if I did not I would not have told him a thing.
I've been in the addiction treatment industry for a few years now and over the last couple of years I've noticed a disturbing trend. People are going to either a family doctor, ER doctor or walk-in clinic doctor seeking help for the effects caused by addiction. In turn, these doctors are reporting their conversations to the Ontario Ministry of Transportation (MTO). The MTO, in turn, decideds to suspend the patient's driver's license even though the person may have never drank and drove in their life.
This decision to take someone's licesne away without proof that they actually broke a law seems like it may be against the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. If someone admits that they drink too much that doesn't mean they are breaking the Motor Vehicle Act. More importantly when word spreads of this trend people who want to get help will not tell their doctor the truth for fear of government retribution. This new barrier could lead to a cornucopia of people not finding the help they need. People's addictions will eventually lead them to the ultimate sober cure - death. For this is a fatal disease if not put into remission.
I am not advocting drinking and driving nor letting someone off the hook for drinking and driving as part of recovery is taking responsiblity for our choices and accepting the consquences. What I am advocating is for doctors and the MTO to stop being the judge, jury and, possibly, excutioner of someone who is facing a serious disease.
Dave the Dude
I've been in the addiction treatment industry for a few years now and over the last couple of years I've noticed a disturbing trend. People are going to either a family doctor, ER doctor or walk-in clinic doctor seeking help for the effects caused by addiction. In turn, these doctors are reporting their conversations to the Ontario Ministry of Transportation (MTO). The MTO, in turn, decideds to suspend the patient's driver's license even though the person may have never drank and drove in their life.
This decision to take someone's licesne away without proof that they actually broke a law seems like it may be against the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. If someone admits that they drink too much that doesn't mean they are breaking the Motor Vehicle Act. More importantly when word spreads of this trend people who want to get help will not tell their doctor the truth for fear of government retribution. This new barrier could lead to a cornucopia of people not finding the help they need. People's addictions will eventually lead them to the ultimate sober cure - death. For this is a fatal disease if not put into remission.
I am not advocting drinking and driving nor letting someone off the hook for drinking and driving as part of recovery is taking responsiblity for our choices and accepting the consquences. What I am advocating is for doctors and the MTO to stop being the judge, jury and, possibly, excutioner of someone who is facing a serious disease.
Dave the Dude
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Cunning, Baffling and Powefrul
Alcoholism is a strange disease. It's the only disease that tells the person suffering from it that he/she does not have it. It causes a person to go into a state of denial so deep that one cannot differentiate the truth from the false. The first person to consider alcoholism a disease, rather than a lack of morals or will power, was Dr. William Silkworth of Towns Hosptial, Manhattan. As a result of his work Silkworth influenced Alcoholics Anonymous' co-founder Bill Wilson and AA as a whole. He was invited to write an introductory letter to the book Alcoholics Anonymous (commonly known as The Big Book) which remains a part of the textbook since its publication in 1939.
For lack of a better word Silkworth called the physical aspect of the disease of alcoholism an allergy. When an alcoholic takes a drink of alcohol he/she cannot stop drinking on their own. The alcoholic himself is as bewildered by this phenomenon as is the observer. Many the time an alcoholic will sincerely promise his loved ones that he will only have a couple and end up drinking the night away. When asked why he just can't stop at a few the alcoholic, who stops lying and/or rationalizing, will have no answer. One in 10 people are born an alcoholic.
For some reason the alcoholic does not have an enzyme that breaks down the chemical compound Acetone (C3H60) which alcohol contains. So while a regular person drinks alcohol the Acetone dissipates where as in the alcoholic it continues to build up in his system. One of the side effects of Acetone is that it makes a person 'crave' more alcohol. To wit the alcoholic continues to drink until something stops him (i.e. - he runs out of money; runs out of booze; passes out; etc.).
Science may have explained the phenomenon of craving but it has yet to shed light on one of the confusing aspects of the disease - it's ability to progress even though the sufferer has stopped drinking. There's a saying in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous: While I'm in here (referring to a meeting) my disease is out there doing push-ups in the parking lot. A person may have put the disease into remission (not just the physical aspect but the mental aspect as well) but the disease is still there and it progresses rather than getting weaker. Simply put if a person with five years of sobriety were to pick up a drink they would not drink as someone who has never drank, they will pick up as if they had been drinking steadily for the past five years. The Big Book calls alcohol, 'cunning, baffling and powerful'. As any alcohol will tell that statement describes alcoholism to a tee.
I recently had a reminder myself that the disease is still within me. The other day I was shopping in my local grocery store when I looked over and saw a woman standing outside of the wine kiosk holding a sign. The sign read, "Free Wine Samples". The first thought that came to mind was, "wow free wine. I've got to take advantage of that!". Luckily the second thought came into my head reminded me that I'm an alcoholic and that first thought would not be a good idea. The alcoholic, indeed the addict, has to be ever vigilant to keep his disease in check.
Dave the Dude
For lack of a better word Silkworth called the physical aspect of the disease of alcoholism an allergy. When an alcoholic takes a drink of alcohol he/she cannot stop drinking on their own. The alcoholic himself is as bewildered by this phenomenon as is the observer. Many the time an alcoholic will sincerely promise his loved ones that he will only have a couple and end up drinking the night away. When asked why he just can't stop at a few the alcoholic, who stops lying and/or rationalizing, will have no answer. One in 10 people are born an alcoholic.
For some reason the alcoholic does not have an enzyme that breaks down the chemical compound Acetone (C3H60) which alcohol contains. So while a regular person drinks alcohol the Acetone dissipates where as in the alcoholic it continues to build up in his system. One of the side effects of Acetone is that it makes a person 'crave' more alcohol. To wit the alcoholic continues to drink until something stops him (i.e. - he runs out of money; runs out of booze; passes out; etc.).
Science may have explained the phenomenon of craving but it has yet to shed light on one of the confusing aspects of the disease - it's ability to progress even though the sufferer has stopped drinking. There's a saying in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous: While I'm in here (referring to a meeting) my disease is out there doing push-ups in the parking lot. A person may have put the disease into remission (not just the physical aspect but the mental aspect as well) but the disease is still there and it progresses rather than getting weaker. Simply put if a person with five years of sobriety were to pick up a drink they would not drink as someone who has never drank, they will pick up as if they had been drinking steadily for the past five years. The Big Book calls alcohol, 'cunning, baffling and powerful'. As any alcohol will tell that statement describes alcoholism to a tee.
I recently had a reminder myself that the disease is still within me. The other day I was shopping in my local grocery store when I looked over and saw a woman standing outside of the wine kiosk holding a sign. The sign read, "Free Wine Samples". The first thought that came to mind was, "wow free wine. I've got to take advantage of that!". Luckily the second thought came into my head reminded me that I'm an alcoholic and that first thought would not be a good idea. The alcoholic, indeed the addict, has to be ever vigilant to keep his disease in check.
Dave the Dude
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Making Amends
Many people in recovery like to say that the 12 Steps is a simple program for complicated people. I disagree with that. I feel the 12 Steps are a simple program for people who like to complicate things. Our ego likes to make us feel we're different than others and so people think they are complicated. However, I believe, that it is the ego that causes many to take simple things and turn them into a complicated mess.
This exact thing often occurs with Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people [we had made a list in Step Eight) wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Here are simple tips to help one with Step Nine:
First of all it's number nine for a reason. Many people (I was guilty of this myself) are fresh in recovery and are feeling so good that they want to jump from Step One all the way to Step Nine. This can be very dangerous. When we are in Step One we are still sick, still in the disease, and have not yet begun to work on the solution. As a result we are still vulnerable to the unmanageability of our feelings thus in danger of relapse. Being so vulnerable we are not ready to have an amends be rejected. We have not yet learned, through Steps Four and Five, that our resentments are based in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone, etc. We have not yet learned, that as a result of these fears, we suffer various character defects and we have not yet begun to rid or reduce these character defects within ourselves. It is this fact that makes it fool-hearty to jump from Step One to Nine.
When approaching Step Nine one must also remember that it is a Step of selflessness. We do not approach this Step looking for anything in return. That is, we do not expect to be forgiven nor do we expect someone to apologize to us. If we are not ready to accept this then we have not fully completed Step Eight. We must remember that the reason we are making amends is to clear our conscience of any wrong doings. We are cleaning our side of the street without worry of anyone else's side of the street.
Part of Step Nine is making amends except when to do so would injure them or others. This means we do not cause damage to other people just to ease our own pain. E.G. - if one had an affair with a married person you would not apologize to that person's spouse thus getting that person in trouble. This would be considered selfish on our part - the exact opposite of what we are trying to do. We must also remember that the, injuring others, aspect also applies to ourselves. We do not make amends if it will threaten our own sobriety or our ability to provide for our family. This aspect of Step Nine can be tough to navigate and makes it especially important to review your amends with your sponsor prior to making them.
In Step Eight you are making your list of people (or institutions) and becoming willing to make amends to them all. Some people have certain names on that list they feel they will never be able to make amends to. My suggestion is to make three columns. Under the first column place the names of everyone you have no doubts about making amends to. Under the second column place the names of people you are wary about and under the third column place the names of you feel you will never be able to make amends to. Start with the first column. By the time you are done with that you will probably be ready for the second column and by the time you have completed that the third column will not be to difficult.
By keeping things simple this Step should not be too daunting a task. Hoping this will help you further your journey as you, "trudge the road of Happy Destiny". May I meet you along the route.
Dave the Dude
This exact thing often occurs with Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people [we had made a list in Step Eight) wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Here are simple tips to help one with Step Nine:
First of all it's number nine for a reason. Many people (I was guilty of this myself) are fresh in recovery and are feeling so good that they want to jump from Step One all the way to Step Nine. This can be very dangerous. When we are in Step One we are still sick, still in the disease, and have not yet begun to work on the solution. As a result we are still vulnerable to the unmanageability of our feelings thus in danger of relapse. Being so vulnerable we are not ready to have an amends be rejected. We have not yet learned, through Steps Four and Five, that our resentments are based in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone, etc. We have not yet learned, that as a result of these fears, we suffer various character defects and we have not yet begun to rid or reduce these character defects within ourselves. It is this fact that makes it fool-hearty to jump from Step One to Nine.
When approaching Step Nine one must also remember that it is a Step of selflessness. We do not approach this Step looking for anything in return. That is, we do not expect to be forgiven nor do we expect someone to apologize to us. If we are not ready to accept this then we have not fully completed Step Eight. We must remember that the reason we are making amends is to clear our conscience of any wrong doings. We are cleaning our side of the street without worry of anyone else's side of the street.
Part of Step Nine is making amends except when to do so would injure them or others. This means we do not cause damage to other people just to ease our own pain. E.G. - if one had an affair with a married person you would not apologize to that person's spouse thus getting that person in trouble. This would be considered selfish on our part - the exact opposite of what we are trying to do. We must also remember that the, injuring others, aspect also applies to ourselves. We do not make amends if it will threaten our own sobriety or our ability to provide for our family. This aspect of Step Nine can be tough to navigate and makes it especially important to review your amends with your sponsor prior to making them.
In Step Eight you are making your list of people (or institutions) and becoming willing to make amends to them all. Some people have certain names on that list they feel they will never be able to make amends to. My suggestion is to make three columns. Under the first column place the names of everyone you have no doubts about making amends to. Under the second column place the names of people you are wary about and under the third column place the names of you feel you will never be able to make amends to. Start with the first column. By the time you are done with that you will probably be ready for the second column and by the time you have completed that the third column will not be to difficult.
By keeping things simple this Step should not be too daunting a task. Hoping this will help you further your journey as you, "trudge the road of Happy Destiny". May I meet you along the route.
Dave the Dude
Monday, March 16, 2015
One Dave At A Time: Spirituality for the Layman
One Dave At A Time: Spirituality for the Layman: A big part of 12 Step recovery is spirituality. To the majority of newcomers this is a very scary concept. A newcomer will often walk in the...
Spirituality for the Layman
A big part of 12 Step recovery is spirituality. To the majority of newcomers this is a very scary concept. A newcomer will often walk in the room, see the 12 Steps with words like "God", Higher Power" and "Spiritual Awakening" and close their minds immediately. This is especially true of the one who is trying to get help before they have lost everything. However for recovery purposes spirituality is extremely important for success.
A bit of history. The 12 Steps of Recovery derive from the six steps created by an organization called The Oxford Group. This organization practiced First Century non-denominational Christianity. Both co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, belonged to The Oxford Group long before meeting one another. When Wilson sat down to write Alcoholics Anonymous (aka: The Big Book) he turned those six steps into the 12 we are familiar with today. Prior to getting sober Bill was visited by a long-time drinking buddy named Ebby. Ebby had found sobriety through the Oxford Group. Like the newcomer who sees the word "God" and closes their mind so to did Bill when Ebby stated that he had gotten sober by finding God. Bill's mind opened a bit when Ebby suggested that Bill find a God (Higher Power) of his own understanding. During Bill's last stint at Towns Hospital for alcohol withdrawal he had a spiritual awakening. A white light shone upon Bill through a window and he lost his obsession with alcohol. His doctor, Dr. Silkworth, couldn't tell Bill what had occurred but told him that whatever it was Bill better hang onto it.
The Big Book tells the story of an alcoholic who sought out one of the most brilliant psychiatrists of his day (Dr. Carl Jung). After seeing Jung and relapsing the alcoholic asked Jung if there was any hope for him. Jung explained to the alcoholic that the only successful cases he had ever seen were people who became sober through some time of spiritual awakening. This gave the alcoholic hope and he ended up having his spiritual awakening and remained sober until his death.
Many people confuse spirituality with religion. They are not at all alike. While religion is a group of people who are told what type of higher power they should believe in as well as being told to follow a certain set of rules, spirituality is the opposite. Not to say that someone who finds spirituality through religion is wrong - they are not. That is just one of the many ways people have found their way to spirituality. Religion can be seen as a vessel that carries a certain type of spirituality but not everyone has to drink out of that vessel. Spirituality can come in many different vessels.
The Big Book defines a spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]. Basically a person was acting one way (selfish, self-centred, self-will running riot) and changed their ways in a more positive fashion (selfless, deflation of ego, letting go of self-will) to bring about recovery. For example, prior to finding recovery I was a liar, manipulator cheater and a thief. In recovery I strive to be the opposite of all that. I am vigorously honest, I let situations play out rather than attempting to manipulate them towards an outcome I want and I treat people the way I would want them to treat me.
One thing I have learned is that the majority of people coming into recovery have extremely huge egos. This usually translates into someone with very slow self-esteem. One has to be able to deflate the ego without tearing down the person. I came into recovery thinking I was right about everything, everyone else was the problem and alcohol was the issue. As I learned I was not right about everything (nor did I have to be), the majority of my problems were of my own making and that I had a thinking problem not a drinking problem my ego slowly deflated. However, I learned that I wasn't scum of the earth (thousands nay millions of people had done similar deeds as myself). I learned how to love myself and therefore I was able to love others and that I was a good person who had done some bad things (that I had to take responsibility for). Hence while my ego deflated my self-esteem grew. To me this is the basis of what spirituality is all about.
Dave the Dude
A bit of history. The 12 Steps of Recovery derive from the six steps created by an organization called The Oxford Group. This organization practiced First Century non-denominational Christianity. Both co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, belonged to The Oxford Group long before meeting one another. When Wilson sat down to write Alcoholics Anonymous (aka: The Big Book) he turned those six steps into the 12 we are familiar with today. Prior to getting sober Bill was visited by a long-time drinking buddy named Ebby. Ebby had found sobriety through the Oxford Group. Like the newcomer who sees the word "God" and closes their mind so to did Bill when Ebby stated that he had gotten sober by finding God. Bill's mind opened a bit when Ebby suggested that Bill find a God (Higher Power) of his own understanding. During Bill's last stint at Towns Hospital for alcohol withdrawal he had a spiritual awakening. A white light shone upon Bill through a window and he lost his obsession with alcohol. His doctor, Dr. Silkworth, couldn't tell Bill what had occurred but told him that whatever it was Bill better hang onto it.
The Big Book tells the story of an alcoholic who sought out one of the most brilliant psychiatrists of his day (Dr. Carl Jung). After seeing Jung and relapsing the alcoholic asked Jung if there was any hope for him. Jung explained to the alcoholic that the only successful cases he had ever seen were people who became sober through some time of spiritual awakening. This gave the alcoholic hope and he ended up having his spiritual awakening and remained sober until his death.
Many people confuse spirituality with religion. They are not at all alike. While religion is a group of people who are told what type of higher power they should believe in as well as being told to follow a certain set of rules, spirituality is the opposite. Not to say that someone who finds spirituality through religion is wrong - they are not. That is just one of the many ways people have found their way to spirituality. Religion can be seen as a vessel that carries a certain type of spirituality but not everyone has to drink out of that vessel. Spirituality can come in many different vessels.
The Big Book defines a spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from [addiction]. Basically a person was acting one way (selfish, self-centred, self-will running riot) and changed their ways in a more positive fashion (selfless, deflation of ego, letting go of self-will) to bring about recovery. For example, prior to finding recovery I was a liar, manipulator cheater and a thief. In recovery I strive to be the opposite of all that. I am vigorously honest, I let situations play out rather than attempting to manipulate them towards an outcome I want and I treat people the way I would want them to treat me.
One thing I have learned is that the majority of people coming into recovery have extremely huge egos. This usually translates into someone with very slow self-esteem. One has to be able to deflate the ego without tearing down the person. I came into recovery thinking I was right about everything, everyone else was the problem and alcohol was the issue. As I learned I was not right about everything (nor did I have to be), the majority of my problems were of my own making and that I had a thinking problem not a drinking problem my ego slowly deflated. However, I learned that I wasn't scum of the earth (thousands nay millions of people had done similar deeds as myself). I learned how to love myself and therefore I was able to love others and that I was a good person who had done some bad things (that I had to take responsibility for). Hence while my ego deflated my self-esteem grew. To me this is the basis of what spirituality is all about.
Dave the Dude
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