No Trigger for Me

 

I was listening to talk radio today and they were discussing a call from local liquor makers to have booze sold in grocery stores. Right now only beer and wine are sold there and even that is relatively new. I live in Ontario, Canada which has had a Victorian Era outlook on booze. People were calling into the radio station to give their two cents as to why they either agreed or disagreed with the idea. One caller adamantly opposed the idea. His reasoning was that it would trigger and cause alcoholics to drink. I cringed upon hearing him.

I attended my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on January 7, 2005 and have been sober since. As a result of working and living the 12 Steps of AA I have become a recovered alcoholic.

As a recovered alcoholic I am not triggered by seeing a bottle of booze. I am not triggered by seeing a beer commercial. I can go into a bar and watch a band while people drink around me without being fearful that I will run up to the bar and begin to drink. As a recovered alcoholic that is the freedom I was promised and the freedom I enjoy today. Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, did not want people to hide and cower from booze. The program he and the first 100 members of AA developed allows one to lose the obsession over alcohol and thus not have to worry about being triggered.

One can easily fall back into danger if he/she does not continue to work and live the 12 Steps but if one has a good sponsor and self-awareness he/she can stop this backslide and return to a healthy, spiritual, physical and emotional, recovery.

Dave the Dude.

People, Places and Things

I recently wrote about how dangerous it is to tell people that “meeting makers make it”. However, Alcoholics Anonymous is filled with various clichés that do ring true for me. Some of my favourites are:

SLIP: Sobriety Loses It’s Priority

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

It works if you work it and you’re worth it so work it.

If you hang around a barbershop long enough you’re going to get a haircut

The barbershop cliché is a great segue into the one I wanted to address. People, places and things. During a meeting the other day someone said they couldn’t control people, places and things. I totally disagree with that statement. I have control over the people I hang out with, the places I hang out at and the things I surround myself with.

When I got into recovery I had to make some big changes (see cliché above). I changed the people I hung around. I wasn’t judging them or casting aspersions on them but they were detrimental to my recovery. A week out of my last treatment centre, a little over two months into recovery, I was driving home from a meeting and a car beside me started honking, the driver motioning for me to pull over. I figured it was someone from AA so I pulled over. It turned out it was a former crack dealer asking me if I wanted something. I said no thanks and that was it. I told that story to someone and they asked me if I told him off. I responded by saying no, up to a little while ago I’d been avidly seeking him out. He didn’t know I wasn’t interested in anymore and there was no need to get nasty. I started surrounding myself with AA people. I had a few close friends that I talked to daily. My first year I went to this coffee shop every night. There was a group of AAers who went there after meetings. We talked about recovery but also just chatted about every day stuff. I began to feel good in my new social setting realizing that I didn’t have to drink to fit in.

Lastly, I chose what types of things I have in my life. I don’t have bongs on my mantle. I don’t have fluorescent beer sign on my wall. Etc. Etc.

Through the 12 Steps I gained freedom. While active in my alcoholism and addiction I had no freedom. I was controlled by my higher power – alcohol/drugs – and did everything for it. Having lost the obsession over alcohol and mind altering substances I now have the freedom to make my own choices. I also have to face the consequences if those choices are wrong.

Dave the Dude

Meeting Makers Don't Make It!

If it’s one thing that these trying times are proving to people in recovery is that Meeting Makers Don’t Make It. Don’t get me wrong I truly believe that meetings are very important. Alcoholics Anonymous is built on three pillars – Unity, Service and Recovery. Unity is going to meetings, talking to people and getting that face-to-face support. Service is helping your group, your area, etc. Recovery is completing those steps. 


At the end of my very first AA meeting I was surrounded by members, given phone numbers, encouragement and provided with hope. The people there could tell, before I even shared, that I was a newcomer. The shaking from withdrawal and the shaggy beard were a dead giveaway. I feel bad for newcomers in these times as the same type of reception I received is impossible from a Zoom meeting. But saying that “meeting makers make it” is both dangerous and wrong. If I had just gone to meetings and not completed the steps I’d either be a dry drunk, plain old drunk or dead. 


I see posts daily on social media about people relapsing because they can’t get to meetings. Either these people are newcomers or people who have been relying solely on meetings to keep them sober. As it says in the Big Book, “frothy, emotional appeal seldom suffices.” Just going to meetings is that frothy emotion that Dr. Silkworth was talking about. 


I am a recovered alcoholic/addict. I am recovered because I completed the 12 Steps of recovery and work them daily into my life. The Steps have given me freedom to go anywhere and experience anything without drinking. These trying times are causing anxiety, depression, anger, etc. but I have the coping skills to deal with these emotions without taking a drink or drug. 


I miss face-to-face meetings but I’m not losing my sobriety over it. The Steps have shown me that I have to take responsibility for my actions and that using a lack of face-to-face interactions as an excuse to drink is not taking responsibility. That’s my old way of thinking. Nothing changes if nothing changes and the Steps bring about a positive change. God bless.

Dave the Dude.

My Renascent Experience

Renascent is an addictions treatment centre in my neck of the woods. It's coming up to it's 50th anniversary and they asked people to submit stories of their experience with them. Here's the one I submitted.

I heard about Renascent at my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on January 7, 2005 (also my sober date). As I was a newcomer the people at the meeting swarmed me afterward offering help. I mentioned that I was thinking of going to treatment and some of the guys told me about this great place called Renascent. A few days after that I was booked for my assessment. Back then you did the assessments at one of the houses and so I went to Sullivan House. The counsellor who was carrying out my assessment asked me what previous treatment centres I had gone to. I shared that I had been to Donwood and Pinewood and the counsellor wisely stated that, “once you come out of the woods you come to Renascent!” How right he was! I would actually use that line myself many times when I worked for Renascent’s Access Centre a few years later. I was given an entry date for treatment and told that if I attended AA meetings regularly, and checked in every day by phone, I may be able to get in early. I did just that. One of the guys who were at my first meeting also volunteered at Renascent. We became fast friends and he took me up there one day for an Alumni meeting where I got to meet some of the counsellors. Eventually, after a few weeks of calling on a daily basis, I was let in a month or so early.

My Dad dropped off at Sullivan Centre later that March and I began my 21 days of treatment. The counsellors were all great guys each with their own unique style of counselling. There was George who knew the Big Book verbatim. There was Gerry who would end up speaking at my one year medallion. There was Rod the enforcer, he told it like it was. Mike the 12 Step enthusiast. Jimmy who was as hilarious as he was kind. John another straight shooter. Ken the Start Trek fan who told us that when it came to the 12 Steps resistance was futile. Plus the manager John and assistant manager Graydon who both would be mentors to me a couple years later. There was also the great cooks Lilian and the gang. All these people would have a big impact in my recovery. I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention the house dog Floyd. He was a great big Newfoundland Labrador. Every day I would wake up and give him a big hug to. Sadly Floyd was getting up there in age and was nearing the end of his life. One night I had a dream that I was walking along the sidewalk and Floyd’s head kept popping out of the clouds to watch me. The next day Floyd had to be put to sleep. I interpreted that dream to mean that Floyd would be looking out for me from the beyond during my recovery journey.

One of my favourite things in treatment was boarding the big yellow school bus each. Each evening it would take us out into the community to attend 12 Step meetings. As I had already been going to meetings daily, for around two months, I knew a lot of the people there. I got to know the Fellowship even better during my tenure in treatment.

Once a week every client would have a meeting with a counsellor. It was during one of these meetings where a simple conversation would change my life. I was meeting with Mike and he was talking to me about what I planned to do for work. I had been in the public relations field for several years prior to entering recovery and did not want to return to it. He asked me what I wanted to do in life and I said, “I’d love to do what you do but I’m way too old for that”. His reply was, “Are you kidding. I’m way older than you and this is my student placement”. I was amazed and inspired and left that meeting with a new goal in life. Following treatment I would begin my journey into becoming an addictions counsellor.

I graduated treatment and started going to meetings with a small group of guys who were in Renascent with me. Our small group began to dwindle as the months passed by until I was the only one left still going to meetings. I continued to go to meetings daily (twice if I could), went back to Renascent once a week for the Alumni meetings and was even briefly part of the Alumni committee. While all this was going on I entered into Durham College’s Post-Grad Addictions Counselling Program. I was surprised that out of around 25 people only two of us were in recovery. As part of the Addictions Program one had to do a student placement. Luckily for me mine would be with Renascent. At first it was a bit weird for me being on the “other side of the table”, so to speak, because the people I was working with were all my counsellors when I was in treatment. During my placement I learned a ton – way more than I learned by sitting in class. Following my graduation I began to volunteer at Sullivan Centre throughout the week and eventually was asked to become a relief worker. That relief worker job turned into a fulltime job at the Access Centre in Toronto. There was a slew of people I met working there, most notably, Charles and Tony, who’s daily conversations helped me a lot in my personal recovery. I still quote Tony to this day, “I can’t have serenity until my acceptance is higher than my expectations”. I worked at the Access Centre for around a year then went on to work at a different treatment centre. Several years later, during a rocky working year, I was given the privilege to work as a relief worker once more at Renascent splitting my time between Punanai House and the Access Centre where I met a whole new gang of great people.

As a result of my experience with Renascent I’ll always have a warm spot in my heart for it and those who work there. I’m no longer solely in the addictions filed but work as a Mental Health Crisis Intervention Worker. However, there are lots of people with addictions I deal with addictions often goes hand-in-hand with mental health. Whenever I talk to someone wanting treatment I make sure Renascent is at the top of my list of suggestions. I can honestly say that when it comes to my recovery my renaissance began with Renascent.

Dave the Dude

Homeless, addicted and mentally ill - Changes Needed!

But for a brief period living in Montreal and then Toronto I’ve lived the majority of my life in Oshawa, Ontario which is in Durham Region. Like much of Canada there is a huge homeless problem in the region. The problem has gotten so huge that it’s, in my opinion, negatively affecting some of Durham’s health resources as well.

 

Let me address the homeless issue first. Durham needs more shelters. There is only one men’s shelter (Cornerstone) and one women’s shelter (Muslim Welfare Home) in the region. Cornerstone has a two week stay and one cannot re-access the services for 45 days – it used to be 21 days. I don’t have the exact numbers for the Muslim Welfare Home but believe them to be similar. Those who stay at the shelter are supposed to be looking for housing and there are workers on-hand to aid in the search. It’s extremely hard for someone to find housing in just two weeks especially if they have some of the barriers that many homeless people face (i.e. – mental health; addictions; are on OW or ODSP so have very little money for rent). Add to that the fact that shelters (in Durham and elsewhere) are requiring people to show ID to prove they are from the region where the shelter is. Having worked with the homeless population I’m quite aware of the fact that they are quite transient and often lose their ID on a regular basis. This inane rule came about as a result of an influx of refugees welcomed into Canada (by the Federal government), with no thought about where the money would come from to house them. But I digress. There is one youth shelter for men/women/other 24-years-old and under as well as four shelters for women fleeing violence (these are not open to women who are “just” homeless). The shelters are full on a regular basis leaving many without a place to sleep. Hence tent cities have been springing up around the region, most notably in Oshawa.

 

Due to lack of resources to help the growing homeless population they are seeking shelter wherever they can, and who could blame them. Thus they are taking up beds designed to help those suffering from addictions and/or mental health issues. Durham has one withdrawal centre, Pinewood, for those seeking help coming off of drugs/alcohol. Pinewood is considered a hospital emergency room service so does not have the right to turn someone away if a bed is available (and the person meets the criteria to access a bed). As a result people who have no interest in getting sober or don’t even have an addiction are seeking and receiving beds at Pinewood thus taking up space needed by those legitimately needing the bed because they want to recover from their addiction. Durham Region also has three mental health crisis houses, run by Durham Mental Health Services (DMHS), that offer short-term stays for people in a mental health crisis (e.g. – people needing a break from the stress of their daily lives; people wanting extra support to prevent self-harm; etc.). These beds are now being taken more and more by people who are homeless thus preventing some from getting the mental health support they need and flooding our hospitals causing wait times at the ER to go up.

 

The solution is simple. We need more shelters for the homeless, including a family one. This will take the pressure off of Pinewood and DMHS and allow them to focus on what they were set up to do. The current homeless shelters need to increase the time one is allowed to access them to at-least 30 days and return to the 21 day re-access period. Even these measures won’t be sufficient but they are a start. In the meantime it would be great if Durham set up some sort of street outreach program. There is a great one in York Region where a van goes out into the community from 1:30 PM to 9:00 PM seven days a week. It travels to different parts of the region on different days and times. People are able to call the van and set up appointments for things they need. The van has ready-made food for homeless people and also has a selection of clothes (including underwear, shoes/boots), blankets and sleeping bags. It has dog and cat food for people with pets. The van also offers food to people who have a place to stay but need the extra help to feed themselves and often their family. It offers a needle exchange program too.

 

The government should also take away the emergency room status of Pinewood so it does not have to take people who are not serious about their recovery or have no addiction issue at all. People should not be able to access the withdrawal centre several times a month, which is what, happens, preventing someone who is serious about recovery from getting help. By allowing someone ongoing access we are just enabling them in their addiction which doesn’t help them in the least.

 

Another solution to the homeless problem would be a guaranteed income. Sure someone people would take advantage of such a program but they are already taking advantage of the current programs. A guaranteed income would cut down on hospital visits and cut down on crime. If implemented correctly it would save a ton of money too. Currently people on OW or ODSP are barely scraping by. They are always in a state of emergency. With a guaranteed income these people would have some breathing room as their essential needs would be taken care of and they concentrate on going to school and/or looking for work. In the long run it is the best for society and the economy.

 

Just a few ideas I thought I’d share.

Dave the Dude

Setting the Record Straight

Let’s set the record straight. In regards to 12 Step Programs here’s what I was taught by those who went before me and what I tell newcomers who ask me questions or to sponsor them. First of all the guide to the 12 Steps is the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book).  It was written by the first 100 members of AA and hasn’t changed since 1939. The Big Book states:

We of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred, men and women,

who have RECOVERED from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

 

Note the word: Recovered. It’s not recovering. We have completed and continue to work the 12 Steps and as a result are no longer powerless over alcohol. As Step One says: “We WERE powerless…” This nonsense people spout that if one doesn’t say they are recovering they are going to relapse is pure nonsense. Why would I want to join a fellowship if there was no hope in sight? It was the hope I felt leaving my first meeting that prompted me to go to my second meeting and so on and so on.

 

Now let’s address marijuana. In regards to a 12 Step Program if you are using marijuana you are not in recovery. I’m not saying not to do it if you think it’s helping you out medicinally in some way. I’m just saying when it comes to the programs of AA, CA, NA, etc. you are not considered recovered if you’re smoking, eating etc. the Ganja. I can’t join the Church of Scientology and then say Xenu doesn’t exist. If I join a 12 Step Program then I have to respect the program not try to change it meet my current condition. That’s what I did when I was active in my addiction. I kept trying to change the outside world to suit me rather than changing myself. “Lack of power that was our dilemma” (Big Book).

 

“Now about sex…It’s so easy to get way off track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes” I keep hearing judgment of others who have relationships in the Fellowship. Let’s use some common sense. For many people if they want to be successful in recovery they have to give up many of their old friends and acquaintances. I know my first year of sobriety I was going to a minimum of one meeting a day, two if I was able. I would then go to a coffee shop every night to hang out with sober people and to shoot the shit. Just as romances strike up at some people’s workplaces it’s inevitable that romances are going to strike up in the Fellowship as that is where the majority of one’s socializing occurs. Now, I’m not advocating someone with multiple years of sobriety trying to bang a newcomer – I’m a firm believer in men stick with men and women with women – however, if two people, who are rooted in their recovery, decide to go out what business is it of ours to judge? I say good luck.

 

Finally I’ll end with talking about people who show up to a meeting intoxicated or they are still drinking outside of the meetings. I’ll quote a long-timer who talked to me about this early in my recovery: You don’t sober up to come to AA. You come to AA to sober up.

 

And that’s me setting the record straight.

Dave the Dude

The alternative to decrminalization

The Toronto Board of Health has joined others around Canada in asking for all drugs to be decriminalized. If this occurred we would be join the ranks of countries like Portugal who having done this have cut the number of addicts in half, lowered crime rates and lowered healthcare costs. But, of course, as this nation is afraid of such a “radical” approach it will not happen. In fact, the Trudeau government has said as much. There is another way where we can treat drug addiction as a health issue rather than a criminal one.

We already have mental health diversion courts so why not drug/alcohol diversion courts. The mental health diversion allows people who have committed a crime to have a chance to get better rather than go to jail. There are a lot of rules someone must follow or they forfeit their diversion and go to jail. Rules may include adherence to taking medications as prescribed, going to therapy groups and/or individual therapy, etc. It seems to work and helps keep the already clogged up courts from being more encumbered. Think of the money and time that could be saved if such a diversion system were put in place for people suffering from addiction?

Rather than wasting money on sending people to prison for drug possession, where they get no help and the problem worsens, it could be spent on helping them. Why not put the money into treatment programs, both residential and out-patient? In order for this to work there would have to be enough programs where a person doesn’t have to wait months to get a spot in treatment. There is a very narrow window to get someone into treatment once they decide they want help. It’s the nature of the disease. The only disease that tricks the person into thinking they don’t have it. If the government opens up more treatment centres then people will get the help they need. This will cut down on health care costs, court costs and police costs. Probably save money on social service costs as well. One mode of thinking that would have to change is the government’s perception that 12 Steps is a religion and therefore does not qualify for funding. 12 Step programs are not a religion! But that’s for another blog.

Dave the Dude