Getting Right With The Big Three

Alcoholism is a peculiar disease. It’s the only disease that tells you don’t have it and that’s why it’s so, “cunning, baffling and powerful” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1939). The reason it’s so powerful is that it acts as an artificial filler of that hole in an Alcoholic’s soul. I drank for 19 years and for 15 of those years alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself.

Alcohol gave me a new freedom and a new happiness. Alcohol allowed me to not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Alcohol allowed me to comprehend the word serenity. Alcohol allowed me to know peace. No matter how far down the scale we I had gone, alcohol allowed me to see how my experience could benefit others. With alcohol those feelings of uselessness and self-pity disappeared. I lost interest in selfish things and gained interest in my fellows. Self-seeking slipped away. With alcohol my whole attitude and outlook on life changed. Fear of people and economic insecurity left me.  With alcohol I intuitively knew how to handle situations which used to baffle me.

That’s why it was so hard to give up alcohol. It was my solution to life’s problems. A false solution which eventually turned against me but the only solution I had. Once I started drinking I felt right with myself and the world. Then it started to cause problems and I was told to give it up. Once I gave it up there was a vacuum and nature abhors a vacuum. At my first treatment centre I was told to replace alcohol with a hobby. I decided to buy a model train, set it up and design a whole town. Once I completed setting it up I got drunk and watched the train go around and around and around. You see, a hobby could not replace the role that alcohol had played in my life. It could not fill that hole in my soul nor give me that ease and comfort I had sought my whole life.

It wasn’t until I suffered enough emotional and spiritual pain that I was able to give up the idea that alcohol was my solution and be willing to find a different one. I found that solution through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I recently heard a speaker say that the steps don’t work whether you need them or want them – they only work if you do them. The saying is - it works if you work it not it works if you want/need it. I had to devote as much energy into working those 12 Steps as I put into my addiction. My addiction became my whole life and for recovery to work it had to become my whole life.

Steps One through Three made me right with my Higher Power. Steps Four through Seven made me right with myself and Steps Eight and Nine made me right with my fellows. The rest of the steps I use to maintain my recovery and for personal growth. Without growth I remain stagnant and that leads to stinking thinking. All of these Steps are crucial. The action begins in Step Four. In my experience, I see a lot of people who don’t want to do the crucial house-keeping Steps. The same speaker I previously mentioned used a great metaphor that makes the reasoning for the house-keeping Steps crystal clear. If I ask a little kid to clean his room he probably would do a half-ass job. However, if I tell the same kid that if he throws out all of his old stuff I’ll get him new stuff he’ll probably have the job done in no time flat. When doing Steps Four through Nine I had to get rid of my old stuff that was weighing me down. In exchange I started receiving a lot better stuff:

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity. We will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. The feelings of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1939).

Today I have a true solution that won’t turn on me if I continue to work at it. I must work at it in all aspects of my life. It’s easy to work the principles of the Steps for an hour at a meeting amongst fellow alcoholics but it’s much more of a challenge to work them once I leave that meeting. But work them I must or I risk faltering and returning to the life I once led. A life where I couldn’t live without drinking nor live while drinking. That type of life I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy

Dave the Dude