One Dave At A Time: From Both Sides of the Desk

One Dave At A Time: From Both Sides of the Desk: My Dad's was a social worker and whenever we watched a TV show or a movie that depicted a social worker in a bad light he would get real...

From Both Sides of the Desk

My Dad's was a social worker and whenever we watched a TV show or a movie that depicted a social worker in a bad light he would get really upset. As a kid I never understood what the big deal was. But with the recent spot light on Rob Ford and his entry into an alcohol and drug treatment centre I'm beginning to understand my Dad's angst.

I've been hearing a lot of wrong depictions in the news and from callers on talk radio about what treatment centres and addiction are like. As someone who is a recovered alcoholic/addict and has worked for several years, at three facilities, as an addiction counsellor I'm beginning to get a bit upset.

The first time I got  upset was when I heard this guy call up a talk radio show saying he was a crack addict with two days sobriety and that he'd been trying for years to get sober without success. He also stated that it was virtually impossible for addicts to get sober. From my own experience I can say that one can be successful in recovery. One just has to start with a desire to quit and be willing to be totally honest with oneself. Getting sober isn't an easy thing to do, it takes a lot of hard work. But as I've learned in life anything worthwhile is not easy. Once someone obtains sobriety the job is not done. It takes a lifetime of vigilance for one to remain recovered from a "seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body" (Big Book of AA, 1939).

I went to three treatment centres. The first two were outpatient and I didn't go to get sober but to learn how to drink "normally". That was my mistake. An alcoholic is like squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube. Once it's out you can't get it back in. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. After years of abusing myself and treating my family like crap I hit an emotional and spiritual rock bottom and was ready and willing to get sober. My third and, Higher Power willing, last treatment centre was just the thing I needed. It was a 21 day program and was completely 12 Step (AKA: based on the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous). It was also funded by charity and catered, mostly, to a population who couldn't afford to pay for treatment. The rules were tough and fair. No cell phones, no computers, no swearing, no being late, no wearing a hat inside or at a meetings. One had to be prompt to meetings and meals and there were days offs We were allowed to walk into town to pick up smokes, snacks, etc. but we only had 20 minutes to do so. If one refused to follow the rules they were asked to leave as they centre had a huge waiting list and didn't want someone who didn't want to get better taking a space away from someone who did.  From this centre I learned how to be responsible, accountable and honest. It was a good start to a lifelong journey of recovery. After graduating from the treatment centre I immersed myself in AA meetings. I worked for a bit then went back to school to become an addictions counsellor. I would later return to the treatment centre not as a client but as an employee.

After working a couple years at my Alma-mater I moved on to another facility. This one was mostly fee for service - meaning people had to pay to get in. What I quickly found out was that at a fee for service style treatment centre the rules were not as strict and often money came before rules. Exceptions were often made for rule breakers. This could turn out good and bad. If someone who broke a rule learned form their mistake then it was great but if someone did not then they often just distracted the people who were there to get better from the program. Although the rules were not as stringent there were still rules and many were the same. No cell phone, no computers and no fraternization between clients. Nine out of ten times when clients got together "romantically" it ended in relapse or even worse - domestic violence. Two unhealthy people getting together doth not make a healthy person. I would later move on to another fee for service facility with many of the same rules.

All the treatment centres I have worked at had a part (big or small) of their program dedicated to spirituality and the 12 Steps of recovery. In my experience 12 steps is the most successful way to recovery from this illness. One of the most important things a person must realize is that treatment centres do not cure you of this illness. It is not curable. Recovery is like building a house. Treatment helps one build the foundation. Once one leaves treatment it's up to them to begin to build the rest.
Dave the Dude

More Damage Than Good

I’ve been working in the addictions field for a few years now and have begun to notice some disturbing trends. The goal of detox centres, treatment centres and recovery homes is to help people suffering from the disease of alcoholism/addiction. I have found that some places become so stringent with their rules that they forget the whole reason they are in existence. 

Part of my job is to help clients post-treatment. Sometimes that entails helping them get into a recovery home – a house where there are other people new to recovery and that is safe from alcohol and drugs. These types of homes have applications the person must fill out and send in. One such house in Toronto doesn’t have the application handy on their website. You must call them up and request them to fax the application form to you. In dealing with this particular place it usually takes a couple reminder calls and over a week for them to send you the application. Time is vitally important in helping the population I deal with and a week is an awfully long time. A client of mine called this recovery home in Toronto to have them fax the application over and was told to use the one they had sent for a previous client. This made no sense to me since the previous client had filled out the form themselves. Not wanting to play phone tag again and wait a week for this recovery home to fax us the application I decided to retype the form. The form itself was composed of approximately 10 pages and looked like it was the same one they’d been using since the 1980s (it seemed to have been typed up on a typewriter). Well, I retype the thing word-for-word (I did correct some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors) and had the client fill it out and then I faxed it into the recovery home. Over a week later the manager of this recovery home calls me and says to me, in a very condescending tone, that although the application I retyped is worded exactly the same it doesn’t look like the one she uses. She actually said that she has thousands of these forms and they all look exactly alike and this one doesn’t look the same so the client would have to start the application process all over again. I was stunned. I almost called her an anti-retype-ite. It’s this kind of petty thinking that ends up killing people. For let’s not forget the disease of addiction is a deadly one.

Another experience I had was when I tried to get a different client into a long-term treatment centre. This place wanted him to wean off of a certain medication they didn’t allow clients to be on who attended their program. That’s fine – I’ve dealt with and worked for organizations that had such rules. The part that bugged me was that they wouldn’t even give the guy an intake interview until he was completely off the medication. Depending on the medication and dosage this could take some people weeks or months to do. This further delay can wreak havoc with a person’s recovery. Not only did the organization stipulate this, it also wanted the person to come in for a personal interview despite the fact that the person was a few hours away and had no mode of transportation to get there. Most places are accommodating to such circumstances and will conduct an intake interview over the phone.

These are just two examples of the closed-minded thinking some organizations have towards the people they are there to help. I’m also sorry to say that type of thing happens most often in taxpayer funded organizations. Are these organizations there to give themselves a feeling of power or they are there to help a vulnerable part of society
Dave the Dudew

Ford: A Perfect Case Study

The current crisis we see unfolding with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is a perfect example of denial, blame, minimization and lying in terms of addiction. I don’t know if Ford has a crack addiction or not but from some of his actions and statements he has made it sure seems he has an alcohol problem. I’m an alcoholic/addict myself and can sure relate to what Ford is currently going through. For the vast majority of alcoholic/addicts we didn’t go into recovery willingly we went scratching, biting and screaming to the bitter end. For many people, myself included, it takes several attempts before you have success. There are several ways to get sober but I have found that most successful is a combination of cognitive behavioural therapy combined with a 12 Step program.

When one is in an active addiction he or she will say anything to minimize and deny the problem. Last Sunday (Nov. 3) on his radio show, on Newstalk 1010, Ford admitted he had a problem but severely minimized it by saying it was wrong to be intoxicated in public and he would limit his drinking to his home. When I was at the stage Ford was in I tried to hide my drinking from the people around me by isolating and drinking in secret and/or by myself. Alcoholics Anonymous’ Big Book tells us that when we are in the midst of active alcoholism we, “cannot differentiate the truth from the false”.  This is where Ford seems to be now. In his head everything seems to be okay if he just cuts down on his drinking and apologizes.

“That was pure stupidity. I shouldn’t have got hammered down at the Danforth. If you’re going to have a couple drinks you stay home, and that’s it. You don’t make a public spectacle of yourself.” (Ford, Nov. 3).

What Ford doesn’t realize is that it’s not the fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. drink that causes the problem it’s the first one. The first one sets an alcoholic off. The Big Book uses the analogy of an allergy – an alcoholic is allergic to alcohol. Once we take that first drink we cannot stop on our own. That is the physical aspect of the disease. We also have a mental obsession surrounding alcohol.

Ford is even in denial of his lying. The day he admitted to smoking crack he said he wasn’t lying when he denied smoking crack. Ford stated, “I wasn’t lying, you didn’t ask the correct question”. When I was active in my alcoholism and drug addiction I was lying right, left and centre (not in a political way). I lied so much I couldn’t keep track of the lies. Ford seems to be having similar problems.

The outcry and disappointment we are seeing from Ford supporters is exactly what family members of alcoholics and addicts go through on a daily basis. Addiction is a family disease and effects more than just the person imbibing. However, it has been well established that the person with the issue needs to come to his/her own conclusion that they cannot fix this thing on their own and ask for help from others.

Addiction is a disease and like any disease it needs to be treated. It’s also the only disease that tells you that you don’t have it. If Ford had a heart attack and went for treatment in the hospital there would not be calls for his resignation. The same should go for treating an addiction. What Ford needs to do is step down, go to treatment to deal with his issues and be allowed to return to work after. 

Dave the Dude

Winning Essay

I recently helped my de facto niece, who lives in Florida, with an essay. It was for a contest to win dinner and a shopping spree with the Miami Dolphins. She won. (Above pic is Danielle on her way to meet the team) Here is that essay:

Why I Want to Meet the Miami Dolphins

During the fall if you were to walk into my home you might think it was Christmas. In fact it’s something better - it’s football season and everyone is cheering for the Miami Dolphins. The second best gift I can think of is sitting in front of the TV with my brothers and step-dad watching the Dolphins “…take the ball from goal to goal like know one’s ever seen”.  Even though we’re at home, I swear, our cheers can be heard in the Sun Life Stadium. The BEST gift I could ever receive would be getting to meet the dolphins in person. My brothers would be so jealous, especially since I’m the only girl (besides my Mom) in our home. It would be something I would remember for the rest of my life.

No football team has ever broken or even come close to my Dolphin’s 1972 season. I would be considered a superstar in my home if I were able to meet a team with such a legacy.

I would love the opportunity to go dinner and grocery shopping with the Miami Dolphins. It will be an honor to meet the QB Ryan Tannerhill. He has already won a few games and I know he can lead the way to Super Bowl Victory.

I can just envision myself many years from now watching the Dolphins with my own kids and telling them about the time I got to meet our favorite team in person. I have goose bumps just thinking about it.

The Miami Dolphins inspire thousands of kids each year. Having dinner with my favorite NFL team would be a boost to my self-confidence and an inspiration to be the best I can in all aspects of life. 

Even if I don’t win this contest I am grateful for the opportunity to enter. It is a dream of mine to meet the Miami Dolphins. The soundtrack of that dream is the team song.

Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins Number One.
Yes we’re the
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins Number One

My DUI

It was approximately four to five years before I became sober that I was in Richmond Hill at a girl's house I had been dating and we were watching  a movie. As any good alcoholic knows you can't just watch a movie without something to drink so I had my usual magnum of wine. After the movie I headed home to Oshawa.

Even though I had to drive with one eye closed, so I'd stop seeing double, I manged to talk on my cell phone. I finally made it home to the Shwa. Being the keen addict I figured I wasn't driving up to my usual par of excellence so I thought I better stop at the local strip club to see if I could get some cocaine. In my head cocaine always straightened me out when I had drank too much. In the words of comedian and late night show host Craig Ferguson, "cocaine is a vitamin that helps me drink more".

I had just stepped out of the car and was shutting the door when someone jumped on my back and started beating the crap of me. Not knowing what the hell was happening I fought back. The person, it turned out it was a she, jumped off my back and told me I was under arrest and that she was a cop. I asked to see her badge and she said no.

When no badge was produced I  laughed and began to head to the bar when she jumped on me again. Once more she attacked me and I fought back. At this time two customers stumbled out of the strip club and the alleged cop called out for help. These guys grabbed me and slammed my head into the brick wall. It was then that she showed me her badge.

It turns out that the lady was a recent graduate of the academy and had been heading home, with a friend, from some Christmas party when she observed me driving erratically and decided to follow me all the way from Toronto to the Shwa.

The Durham cops finally showed up and took me into custody where I was charged with DUI. The case dragged on for a couple of years because the female cop who had followed me home was the star witness and she kept not showing up for court. Finally after several no shows by the star witness the judge threw the case out of court because it was taking too long.

Dave the Dude

Healthcare Mishaps

Throughout my 43 years of life I’ve had some interesting doctors and medical situations. The first one that comes to mind is the dermatologist I had when I was a teenager. I suffered from extremely bad acne as a teen and was referred to this doctor. He was pretty up there in years and was what some would call old school (A dermatologist I saw a few years later had heard of this doctor and called him a guru). To treat my acne he had me wash my face every night with chamomile tea and then put some brown concoction on my face. Every couple of weeks I would visit him for other treatment. He would have me lie down and would precede to use this pointed instrument (much like the instrument a dental hygienist uses to scrape one’s teeth) to pierce the zits on my face. This was extremely painful. After that was done he would reach into a special cooler he kept beside his desk. Once the lid was removed smoke would fill the area around the cooler. He would reach in, pull out dry ice and precede to press it onto my face. I did this for approximately four years a few times a month. During one of my visits I showed him a wart that had grown on my foot. He took out some liquid nitrogen and applied it to said wart. He pressed down hard. While doing this he looked at me and asked, “Are you feeling excruciating pain yet?” Wincing, I mumbled, “yes.” To which he pressed down harder. I swear this guy was a sadist.

During my university years I was living in an apartment with two buddies. Both of my friends were over six feet and I was a mere (and still am) five foot two. One day I was lying in bed and awoke to this debilitating back pain. I crawled to the couch in the living room and lied down. I was in so much pain that I was having trouble breathing. My one roomy gave me a muscle relaxant but it didn’t seem to help. My breathing was getting worse so my roomies decided to call 911. When the paramedics arrived they asked if I had taken any pills and I said my bud had given me a muscle relaxant. He looked at my friend and said should I arrest you now or later (luckily he was joking). I was loaded into an ambulance and one of my roomies went in the front of it. One paramedic grilled him and one grilled me as to what had happened. They both thought that my six footer roomies had done something to me. Finally after five hours waiting in the ER a doctor saw me and told me to take two Tylenol every four hours. I was a bit irked by this time and got him to prescribe me some muscle relaxants so that I at least got something for my troubles. The next day I pretty much stayed on the floor lying on my back and drank beer. One of my friends went and picked up my script. I looked at the bottle and began taking one pill every four hours. The next day I woke up and looked at the bottle again. It turned out I had read the directions wrong. The directions said take four a day. Doh!!!

Later on in life I had settled down in Toronto and began seeing a person who would become my favourite family doctor of all time. This guy was great but had a weird sense of humour. The time period in which I saw this physician was during the peak years of my drinking and drug use. He was fully aware of my risky lifestyle but never talked down to me. He would mention getting help in a roundabout way but never pushed it. I’m sure he knew that an alcoholic/addict had to decide for himself to get help or it wouldn’t work. Anyways, during this time I would show up at his office and tell him about the various things I was doing in life. He would make comments like, “sounds like you’re having too much fun so we better lower your dose of antidepressants”. One time I had to get a tetanus shot because I stepped on a broken piece of glass (from a shattered beer bottle) and it disappeared into my foot – never to be seen again. I asked him if the needle would hurt and he replied, “like I’m smashing an iron bar into your arm.” He then gave me the shot. One of the antidepressants he put me on had this side effect where I could get an erection but could not release anything out of said erection (if you know what I mean). When I told him this he replied, “the women must love it”. I loved this doctor and was sad when he moved his practice. I ended up writing him a letter a few years into my sobriety. I hope he received it and is doing well for himself.

When I was 17-years-old I travelled to Israel with a youth group. I became very ill from the water. As a result of this a fissure formed in my rear area which resulted in lots of blood and hemorrhoids. I used to have to go see this doctor at the aptly named Upper Canada Lower Bowel Clinic. My friends thought this name was hilarious and I told the doctor he should put it on T-shirts. To make a long story short I would kneel on a step and rest my body on a table. The doctor would press a button and the table and step would start to move up until my butt was way in the air. You can figure out the rest for yourself.

Speaking of bowel issues– there was one day during my drinking days that I woke up with a pain in the ole Gulliver (I love that saying), actually it was in my side. I drank some wine and it went away. I awoke the next day and it was worse but, again, after some drinking it away. The next day I couldn’t even lie on my side. I went to a walk-in clinic and they misdiagnosed me with a clogged bowel and gave me an enema. I just happened to have an appointment the next day with my family doctor (this was before he moved away). He touched my side and I jumped in the air (I was lying down). He told me to get to the ER right away. It turned out I had pancreatitis.  

To get back to my family doctor situation. After my fave doctor moved away I sought a new doctor. By this time I had moved back to Oshawa. I found a great doctor who I liked a lot. One day I called up to make an appointment and the receptionist at the clinic told me the doctor had disappeared. Apparently he just never showed up for work one day. The crazy thing is she said he had done this before. When I asked her what I was supposed to do about a doctor she said she couldn’t help me.

I have since found a family doctor. He seems pretty nice but he’s not as good as my favourite one. I suddenly have these cysts growing on various parts of my body. He keeps telling me not to worry about it. Hope he’s right.

Dave the Dude